Have you ever lost sleep from something not explicitly designed to frighten you? When I was ten, the aliens from Mars Attacks, and their human melting death rays, kept me up at night for several weeks. This Sable clown car isn’t quite as grotesque as those famous martians, but it’s certainly not the last image I want on my mind before bedtime.
Despite its looks, this Mercury is apparently in good shape. The engine runs smoothly for something that likely runs on children’s tears, and the transmission shifts just fine. Plus, that wing has got to add about twenty horsepower, right? The real question is: what does that translate to in clown power?
Every rose has its thorn however, and this Sable is no different. The check engine light is on. I’m guessing if you used a code reader on it the message would simply read “kill me,” since there is no way this car still has the will to live. Oh, and the entire back seat is missing, replaced by what looks to be two pairs of athletic shorts being draped over the hole to the trunk for some semblance of privacy. What unholy things were happening back there we may never know, but it’s clear that this professional clown should have opted for a wagon.
The insanity continues up front, with custom seat covers and paint over everything you need to touch, save the shifter. I’m guessing when you’re already covered in paint, matters like stains on your hands and arms become trivial. By far the worst part of this area is this scenario: when you drive this car, there is always a clown right behind you. Truly frightening.
Even the doors weren’t spared, although I’d hesitate to call this a “clownification,” if you will. The zebra motif impressively extends to all parts of the door: window buttons, rubber moldings, and even the painted metal between the plastic door panels. This professional clown was nothing if not thorough.
If you want to see more of the madness that is this vehicle click here. Upon clicking, you’ll learn that this vehicle was a trade-in, so two questions remain: what monetary value could the appraiser possibly assign to this car, and what was it replaced with? Let me know what you think in the comments.
Related reading: 2006 Ford Taurus – Nobody’s Hero
This is all that an abomination such as this deserves.
That and fire. Lots of fire.
I’ll donate a can of gas.
I would prefer this look on a conversion van.
Wow. Just wow.
I wonder if you get into an accident, does a jack in the box head on a spring pop out instead of an airbag?
LOL!!! Great visual!
I’m surprised a dealer is attempting to sell that rather than do the humane thing and part it out.
Dear Oedipus:
Now I understand.
This is a car that should be used in one of those videos on YouTube where some kids will take a car out into the field or woods and utterly destroy it in an afternoon. Yes, the perfect vehicle for such. lol
Probably traded on a decent pair of shoes.
At Walmart.
The truly scary thing is that there are two bids on it.
If it’s anywhere close to Western Oregon, it should be featured in one of SSI Shredding’s demo videos http://www.ssiworld.com/watch/
Watching the VW “Hippie Bug” get chewed up reminded me of “Deadwood”, except the pigs did a better job.
The inside of the doors look good. Destroy everything else. Immediately.
How much clown power does it have? One. It took a single clown to create this abomination.
Hey Jason, maybe the Houston Texans can use it as part of a Jadeveon Clowney promotion.
Terrific idea; apart from the shredder, I cannot think of a better place for this travesty.
A real life Homer Simpson just graduate clown college? 🙂
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j108/cougarman1/giphy.gif
Why is the ICP not painted to match? I mean, that should be the most insanely painted thing on the car. The owner was not a properly professional clown.
The driver’s seat cover looks like something John Wayne Gacy would have painted in his cell while awaiting his execution.
Come on Down to Gacy Used Cars….ask about a magic handcuff “special”….don’t ask about the smell!
That’s Gacy Used Cars….Exit 4, Route 20 Des Plains Illinois.
Tell Em’ POGO sentcha!!!!
Being a Chicagoian, I find this comment highly offensive. I’m 45 years old and remember when Gacy was arrested. Very poor taste.
I’m with you. We don’t like Anthony Sowell jokes here in Cleveland.
Lighten up Francis.
What a morbid sense of humor !!
By the way, the waterproof seat covers are provided by Gein Car Seat Upholstery.
You should see his Landau package….it’s actually made out of Martin Landau.
Wow ! I’m speechless…..the things you learn here….
Look out for the Gacy bargain basement, its full of stinkers.
All this clowning-around on this Sable, yet no apparent Juggalo involvement? I was expecting to see “ICP” or the Running Hatchet Man or the Faygo logo somewhere in the paintjob, but no.
Trunk fulla Faygo, car fulla fat chicks…
When I was ten, the aliens from Mars Attacks, and their human melting death rays, kept me up at night for several weeks.
Don’t feel bad about it. Milhouse from The Simpsons says “I sleep under my bed every night because I’m scared of the cars from Cars! If gasoline is their food, then why do they have teeth?”
Now, where did I put that eye bleach?
There has to be a work place bet on how much this Mercury will sell for or some other bet I cannot think of.
Oh wow, the S—-y Car Mods sub-Reddit has invaded CC.
“Can’t sleep, clown’ll eat me! Can’t sleep, clown’ll eat me!”
+1
Some truly painful things on that sub.
I’d drive it. Right into a lake.
I’m always amused by folks who are petrified by clowns .
Not all of them are ” Pennywise ” .
Being at a table in a busy restaurant with your death scared friend when a Clown sneaks up and begins his foolishness , is highly entertaining ,lemme tell ya .
This poor car was a _TARUS_ for God’s sake ! why hurt it more by doing this to it ? .
-Nate
I like how both the first shot on this article and the ’06 Taurus CC are head on.
I’m interested to see how much is goes for.
It’s currently at 1 bid for $500. That’s more than scrap and stuff so someone will be driving it.
Then again, some spray paint (well lots of spray paint) will bring it back to normalcy.
Those doors look like they took a while to paint. As if the paint came with evenly patterned zebra lines. Clown magic?
Pimp My Ride must be at it again.
Seems like a perfect 24hrs of LeMons car. Your theme, which is half the battle, is already done.
That is the best idea on here yet!
YIKES.
Did anyone else notice that Michael Myers appears to be peeking out between the front seats in the top photo?……Tells me all I need to know about this thing!
I hate clowns, period. ‘Nuff said.
Said to a mechanic somewhere: “I just bought this car on Ebay, but it runs funny.”
Hehehe. Gold by virtue of arid-dry delivery.
The Contour SVT that the same seller has is much more interesting.
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Ford-Contour-SVT-Sedan-4-Door-1998-contour-svt-southern-car-130-k-no-accidents-cobra-focus-mustang-/261469868906?forcerrptr=true&hash=item3ce0d1936a&item=261469868906&pt=US_Cars_Trucks
Except that it’s a Contour.
I should get on eBay, then tell my girlfriend that I’m buying her a car and here are some pictures of it. Just to see her face…
BTW, what was the rear seat removed for? What do the little red curtains that look like they were made from previous victims undergarments cover? Some sort of magic rape cave?
I would buy it and drive it to a local park and just sit there and see how long it takes for the cops to show up.
First I thought “hey, five hundred bucks? I can fix it with a rattle can!”
Then.. I saw the interior. Good.. grief.
Still an improvement over an original Sable
Finally, I get it — it’s a Clown Victoria!
Brilliant !
Mind you, it must be one of the cars of this race team: https://www.facebook.com/clownvictorious
Im the one who actually bought this wonderful gem. I take it to the car shows and drive it around just for the funny looks lol