No matter the definition of “old” and “car”, an old-car hobbyist spends a lot of time, attention, and money on auto parts. It goes with the territory; when most parts aren’t available anymore—or aren’t availble in original quality, or in quality worth having—one must hunt, pounce, forecast, anticipate, stash, and hoard. It’s great sport and/or exasperating reality, depending on one’s perspective, resources, and actual need for whatever part. I bought a staggering amount of auto componentry, new and used, during my time in the hobby. The majority of it I didn’t actually need when I bought it. During and after whipping my mad car disease into remission I also addressed my elevated collectserall; I sold off almost every bit of what-all remained of that staggering number of parts, too, sooner and later—and more besides. Many of them have been unusual, little-known, rare to the point of near-nonexistence, or otherwise interesting—at least to me.
My second job was in a print shop the summer I was 16, and I had some business cards done up. “Etcetera Enterprises”, I called myself, and the highly optimistic tagline was All Sorts of Parts for Valiants and Darts (it didn’t have to be completely accurate; it rhymed). Shop manager Wayne liked my newly-bought 1965 D’Valiant and put the card design together for me, centred round a line drawing I shamelessly lifted from somewhere, of a 1961 Valiant. Wayne refused when I asked to set the name and slogan all in small-caps (uppercase letters the size of lowercase ones). I asked why not, and he said “Figure it out”. Took me a minute or three. Uhhh…oh, yeah. I chose a deep grass green ink, but this black-and-white rendition is all that survives:
Here’s an early, pre-card ad from the back pages of the Slant-6 News:
That’s the rickety, pretentious beginning whence things grew…rather out of hand. I’m thankful not quite to be a hoarder, but only just scarcely not; at the depths of things my collection occupied space in Colorado; Michigan; California; Washington; Wisconsin, and Ontario—all at the same time. And all the pictures in this post are of parts I’ve bought and (in most cases) sold. If this seems like a big, spread-out mountain of parts getting in the way all the time…yeah.
That brief wrecking yard job was really only a minor part of it; my years-longer history of buying parts from that yard, amongst others, and many additional sources besides, all helped build a formidable collection of new and used parts, accessories, literature, and related stuffs.
Some of it was just part of keeping a ’62 and a ’65 car in dependable daily service in the ’90s, so routine maintenance and predictable repairs could be done with parts on hand for minimal disruption. But I collected a lot of parts not to meet any immediate or predicted requirement; just, y’know, in case I might need them someday. Or because they were available and affordable and I knew what they were and what someone might buy them for one day; just plain old buy-low/sell-high. Or because they offered such prominent textures and shapes and colours—the glossy blue or tan or black or red bakelite, alkyd, or glass-filled thermoplastic of a distributor cap—that they tickled the vestiges of my early-childhood synæsthesia (and smells! A new set of spark plug wires, can you smell them?). Or because I’d read all about some particular kind of part—its engineering improvements and design changes and feature additions. Or because it was fun to scrutinise, in the actual metal, the detailed evolution in Slant-6 carburetors (…distributors, water pumps, fuel pumps, air cleaners…) over the years. I could’ve put together curated exhibits!
Guess I still can, at that. Here are selected representative Slant-6 carburetors from 1962 to 1979:
Here I’ve left out the most interesting carburetor; it’ll get its own article.
Eventually, having mostly bought for a lot of years, I had to sell-sell-sell. Here’s a partial view (because you can’t see in the trunk) of one carburetor; six carburetor kits; eight carburetor gaskets…
…one intake manifold; one choke thermostat; one electric choke conversion kit…
…five sets of key blanks; six sideview mirrors; one accelerator pedal; one speedometer…
…one pair of side marker lights; one distributor vacuum control valve; one box of miscellaneous ’64 Dart parts…
…four more carburetor kits; one more distributor vacuum advance control valve; three distributor vacuum advance pods, one gas cap, one Mallory dual-point Slant-6 distributor…
all about to head for the nearest U.S. Post Office. it was sort of a –wheelbarrow– laundry basket full of pebbles and stones in context of the overall mountain, but it was a start.
Stephen Pellegrino’s onrunning series about Consumer Reports has me in mind of a longstanding feature in the endpages of that publication. “Selling It” is a show-and-tell of advertising and packaging CR considered deceptive, tricky, goofy, thoughtless, or poorly-worded. Well, I guess I’ve got some tales of selling it, too.
About 15 years ago, this highly recommendable book came out. It was launched at one or another SAE function in Detroit, which author Bill Weertman attended to give a talk on the Hemi engine. I also attended, and had put out a call for interest on autographed copies. I bought a dozen or so, and Bill signed ’em for me (at that time the price was much lower). I sent them out to everyone who’d squawked, and about a week later everyone had their copy…except for one dude in Argentina. His copy never arrived, and the post office eventually did their trace, the result of which was ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
A year(!) later, the book arrived back at my address in Seattle, still in the undamaged packaging I’d applied, with stampings and markings and stickers indicating it had enjoyed a prolonged all-expense-paid trip round the world.
A few years after that, I sold a custom-ground Slant-6 camshaft; lifters, and valve springs and stem seals to a Finn. It worked out most economically to send the small parts and the cam in separate boxes, both by Priority Mail Express. They, like the book destined for Argentina, each had a machine-printed address label so there could be no handwriting issue, all customs forms were properly filled out and attached, and a sheet with destination and return addresses was inside the box in case the outer label would be damaged.
The small parts arrived in Finland in 7 days, and the camshaft vanished. The post office did their trace and found it had been sent to Ghana (Ghana…Finland…easy mistake). They said they’d have to wait for the Ghanian postal authority to do their own investigation, and they never heard back. Okeh, fine, somewhere in Ghana somebody’s using a custom-ground Slant-6 camshaft as a wicked cricket bat or something.
Filing for the insurance and collecting it started out routinely enough: USPS sent me their forms № 2855 (insurance claim) and 3533 (postage refund) with instructions to take them to my local post office where the insurance form would be accepted and sent in for processing, and the postage refund would be issued on the spot.
Only that’s not what happened. The counter clerk told me to meet the head clerk at the package pickup, a dutch door (bottom and top halves open separately). The manager came and opened the top half, and I presented the duly completed official USPS forms. He said “What are these?” I briefly explained, and he said “There’s no such thing as a postage refund. Postage is never refunded under any circumstances.” I asked him to please take a look at the cover letter USPS had sent with the forms. He glanced at it and said, “It doesn’t say postage refund.” I said “Please look at the first paragraph, it says file a request for a postage refund by completing the enclosed Form 3533, Application for Refund, which can be used to request disbursement for Priority Mail Express International refunds. This form must be submitted at your local post office. Look at the form; the first checkbox is for postage refund.” He said “No, the form doesn’t say “postage refund”, it says ‘application for refund of fees’. We don’t refund postage. Ever. If you bought insurance on your package, you can file a claim and you might get some money for the lost item, but we DON’T! REFUND!! POSTAGE!!!” and he tried to close the door in my face. My arm on the door ledge stopped him.
I said “Sir, for god’s sake, please read the letter; it’s right there in black and white.” He responded by threatening to call the cops and have them haul me away for causing a disturbance and raising my voice, which I hadn’t done. I said “I’m not raising my voice or causing a disturbance. Since you won’t honour the form, may I please know your name?” He laughed and said “Dave. Get your arm off the door ledge or I’m calling the police and having you banned from this post office. We’re done here.” I said “Sir, no, we really aren’t. If you haven’t encountered this form before, I understand, but it is a USPS form, and it’s got a USPS cover letter, and I’d like you to please check with whoever you need to check with about it”.
He said “I never heard of it. How many times do I have to tell you? WE DO NOT REFUND POSTAGE EVER. Get your arm off the door ledge NOW.” I said “Alright, Dave, may I please know your last name or your employee number?” He laughed and said “Boy, you must really wanna be dragged outta here in handcuffs. Move your arm if you wanna keep it”. This from the manager of the same post office where before I’d intervened on behalf of a perfectly competent counter clerk being abusively screamed at by this awful woman (I stepped up to her and said excuse me, sorry to interrupt, but I just have to say…you remind me of my mother, which let the air out of her tantrum).
So I drove 15 minutes to another post office where the counter clerk accepted my forms, issued my postage refund, and advised me on processing time for the insurance payout, which arrived promptly—gosh, I guess Dave was wrong. I had another cam ground, sent it, and it arrived in Finland in 7 days.
Nine months later, the first camshaft landed on my doorstep in fine condition with no explanation, so I sold it again; that time it stayed gone.
Now, separately from general parts for specific cars, I’ve been collecting and selling headlamps and other lighting equipment for (too) many years; it’s a bad habit I picked up from someone in Wisconsin. I’m sick to damn death of car lights.
But groceries aren’t free, and it’s always been car lights, and I still haven’t figured out what could come next, so I carry on. “Specialty technical sales” if I wanna be all fancy about it, though that’s really what it is. There’s a lot of routine, boring order processing, but aside from that there’s a lot of special knowledge required for when a standard off-the-shelf part won’t do, or for off-label combinations of parts no cattledog will suggest. Y’wanna have headlamps that look like this and actually let you see well at night in your ’53 Rolls-Royce? Go see Dan; go see Dan, go see Dan! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury:
There’s been a great deal of collecting involved with this particular strain of »checks notes« specialty technical sales. It has its enjoyable aspects—I could do a show-and-tell on the evolutionary and commercial history of the sealed-beam headlamp, with authentic examples— but it makes me wish my thing were…I donno…birdwatching or whatever; the kind of thing that requires only binoculars and a tablet to take notes on. But noooooooo, it has to be headlamps. Bulky, fragile, supernumerous headlamps:
In September 2018 I had a customer, a Westerner in Thailand who was rebuilding and upgrading an old Mercedes W123 car with the best of everything. He was starting with used-up, broken European composite headlamps, which weren’t very good even as new genuine parts and now can only be had as poorly-made off-brand imitations. I sold him the top-of-the-heap headlamp system he wanted: U.S.-spec modular fixtures with premium type-approved LED headlamps for use in Thailand’s left-hand traffic and integral daytime running lights, custom-built wiring harness, etc.
That was something like four kilodollars’ worth of parts in three large boxes; far more money than most orders I fill. He didn’t flinch at the big price tag, but insisted the shipment be declared for not more than $300, otherwise he’d get taxed on it. I explained how underdeclaring meant if anything went wrong; if one or more of the boxes got lost or stolen or damaged he’d be outta luck for most of his money. He swore up and down he’d never had a problem, boxes always arrive in perfect condition, this is just the way it works in Thailand, everyone does it this way, etc. Okeh, you’re the fully-informed boss! Parts distributed amongst three carefully-packed boxes, machine-printed address labels inside and out, customs forms completed and properly attached, etc.
One of the boxes went missing, because of course it did. It vanished from radar very shortly after its origin scan. National US Postal Service people initiated their traces. Local US Postal Service people tried their best, too (benefit of small towns like the one whence these boxes were sent). Nope, gone. Vanished without a trace. And it was the box, because of course it was, that happened to contain the NOS no-longer-made Mercedes parts, not the readily-replaceable current-production LED headlamps.
Groan. I put in for the minimal insurance, got it, and scrounged up a good used set of the brackets and a set of aftermarket faceplates (no more NOS), boxed them up, declared and insured them properly at full value (with the sheepish agreement of the customer), charged him for the replacement parts less the piddly insurance payout, and sent ’em off. They arrived in his hands 8 days later. And eight months later, he pinged me to advise the missing box from the original shipment had just appeared on his doorstep! Alright, I guess he’s got spares. I would like to have seen pictures of his finished car.
In May or June 2020, amidst the pandemic’s awful first wave, I had an inquiry from an Australian living in the Netherlands and working in Saudi Arabia. He had a very nice early-’70s BMW 2002 with original headlamps in badly degraded condition. Wanted much better seeing at night, better than could be had with his original European headlamps restored to perfection.
From 1940 to 1983 all vehicles sold in the U.S. had to use sealed beam headlamps of specified size and shape. The standard size and large installed base (many vehicles over many years) means there are now headlamps available in those old standard sizes but with up-to-date technology and performance, for drop-in upgrades on older vehicles. Even if we ignore the giant amount of fraudulent junk, there’s actually never been a better time to be in the market for good headlamps in the old sealed beam sizes. No such standard-lamps law existed elsewhere in the world, so whatever the car came with is what it’s stuck with forever. The solution for this guy’s Bimmer, as for the Mercedes in Thailand, would be to install the U.S. headlamp mount-aim fixtures and put in some up-to-date standard-size headlamps.
I explained all of this to the customer, and he was onside. I could provide the headlamps and hookup components, but not the fixtures. I spotted a set of the fixtures on Fleabay, new-never-used, and pointed him at them, figuring I’d do him a good deed rather than pouncing on the auction just to turn around and mark the items up. The seller wouldn’t ship outside the States, and there were a few ancillary items he wanted for the install from Amazon, so I did another good deed: I agreed to receive the eBay and Amazon items, consolidate all the parts, and send them all to him in one box.
That’s not the only time I’ve done this same good deed. I’ve had it work out perfectly well for some customers deeply grateful for my logistical assistance, but things were a little rockier with a crazy dude in Switzerland who needed a bunch of parts to restore his ’89 Chrysler Voyager, and that sort of went sideways, too. Remember what they say about good deeds? Memo to self: stop doing that!
By and by, everything was in hand: new U.S. fixtures, the good headlamps, the hookup components, assorted other items. The box got sent out about 10 June from Michigan, and I sent the customer the tracking number. The next day came his first email demanding to know why he hadn’t received the package and what I’m doing about it. I gently reminded him that transport takes time.
On 16 June, USPS tracking info said Departed Chicago international facility en route to destination. The tracking info stopped changing at that point; it stayed the same for days and weeks. That happens sometimes, even when everything’s running normally (no pandemics or deliberate legislative attempts to destroy the US Postal Service, etc).
I calmly informed the customer every time he wrote—which was often—that I would do and was doing everything possible to figure out what’s up and get the situation straightened out as necessary. Again and again I patiently explained that the Postal Service has a certain number of days that must elapse before they will initiate an investigation, and that I would be opening an investigation as soon as possible. He kept on writing back and accusing me of dragging my feet and doing nothing, etc.
The first day the USPS would open an inquiry, I did so, then immediately wrote to the customer to share the info with him: USPS will do their own investigation to see if the package can be found here, see if there’s evidence it might have left the US without getting the scan it was supposed to get, etc. They’ll also notify the postal people in the destination country of the Netherlands who will do their own investigation. All of this will take not less than 33 days. If the package is found during the investigation, it will be sent along to the addressee (that’s him!). If not, then it’ll come time to fill out insurance claim forms, etc.
Customer accused me of stealing his money and his parts. Made weird and unrealistic demands, phrased in ways that made me feel less coöperative: I shouldn’t have to wait! You know the right thing to do is to refund me in full and then if the parcel is found and reaches me I’ll send it back to you as I no longer have any desire to receive a parcel from you, but of course you won’t do the right thing!
I kept about 98 per cent of my cool and informed him that we’d be doing this by the book: we’d let the postal services do their investigations and go forward from there. I reminded him, as the USPS rep reminded me, that everything was taking longer than usual on account of Covid, and some usually-air shipments were going by sea instead, etc.
In return I got more vitriolic bilge, and a new accusation that I was using Covid as a dumb excuse. So I was down to about 97 per cent of my cool; I told him “With all due respect: don’t be an arsehole. Breathe. Be patient. Be grateful for life’s gifts. Understand that this will get resolved, just not as quickly as either of us would like.”
He came back with Arsehole, really!! Wow, a new low of customer service from you. Well done, showing your true self and level of business acumen. I’ll be sharing your email with every single person I know in the classic car world. No need to contact me again by email, I look forward to meeting you in person.
So this was some kind of silly…threat? He’s gonna what, hop on a plane, fly over the ocean, declare his travel essential to bust through the Covid border closure, find me, and give me what-for?
(Every once in awhile over the decades I’ve been slinging headlamps, I’ve had some dillweed threaten to tell everyone to avoid me because I won’t sell them blue headlight bulbs or HID kits or bogus LEDs, won’t provide components I know will be used with an unsafe lighting system, etc. I encourage them to please do so, because it keeps away timewasters and brings a nice flurry of BS-avoidant people. If any such smear campaigns have been tried, they haven’t worked; as I’ve already complained, I’m still slinging headlamps.)
That brings us to 7 August. On 8 August I got the news from USPS that the parcel had been delivered. Not lost, or stolen, or strayed; it just took some extra time because pandemic.
So I sent customer “Well, lookit there—success! All that took was some extra patience; your parcel was delivered today. Enjoy. Drive safely. Smile! (And maybe work on being a little less quick to assume bad faith, eh?) Cheers!”
He didn’t try to undo his payment or anything, so I assume onehow or another he wound up happy with the contents of the box. Never did hear from him again.
Around the same time, another customer came requesting some of my specialty technical knowledge. Dude was building a custom motorcycle, and contacted me at great length by email, and eventually at greater length by phone. He wanted a good headlamp that would look a particular way when lit and unlit, and provide excellent low and high beam performance. No off-the-shelf standard parts would meet this need, but a combination of existent parts, make-to-order parts, and some skilled work by a specialist in Germany would create exactly what he wanted.
Rather than subcontract the German specialist, I would sell Customer the correct lamp and bulbs, and point him at the German specialist. I had the bulbs made and sent to him, sent the lamp to Germany, and sent an email to Customer and Specialist introducing them to each other and making it clear that the next phase of the project, modifying the lamp, was between the two of them. Fine, everyone seemed to understand and agree.
This was still early-mid pandemic, and postal services all over the world were still taking longer than usual; by and by the customer became convinced the lamp had been lost on its way to Germany. I wasn’t so convinced, but—eh!—in the name of good service, I sent out another. It arrived at the German specialist’s shop not long after the first one.
Specialist did their usual highly craftsmanlike work on the first lamp and invoiced the customer for that work and return postage…and that’s when things went wrong. Customer threw a big American temper tantrum at both me and Specialist (grammar and syntax is customer’s own):
The invoice is all german and said us 144.87 so I sent that promptly then during the night they want more money my whole project was delayed because of this for months and then this money thing i blew a gasket and just decided to stop shelling out money now I have three bulbs I might as well throw away, out about 400 dollars, months of waiting i’m so pushed I don’t wish to even discuss it!
i got taken for a ride and will never make the mistake again i’m done with your service the numbers do not match and will not argue about this further i have already spent about 400 US dollars and waited for three months now my whole project has gone from being completed this year to next year and fouled me up so you can collect your money from [firstname lastname] and he can have back this precious housing.
not only this nonsense but i in good faith bought three bulbs at a cost of a little over 90 dollars is so i will have to put those on e bay to try to recover part of what I have spent this was a big lesson for me and that lesson is, not to allow someone like [firstname lastname] get involved with my project next time I will find my own parts and company in the USA to do any work needed.
i lost 400 dollars and that is a lesson I will not forget!
Alrighty, then! I sent email to Specialist:
Hi, [Specialist].
I have received a semi-coherent tantrum in an email from [Customer]. He seems to be upset over what he thinks are unreasonable extra costs related to his headlamp. I asked him for clarification, but he said he’s too upset to talk about it (which seems silly and melodramatic to me).
I apologise for having sent you a troublesome customer—he seemed reasonable at first, to me; if I had thought he would make a nuisance of himself, I would not have inflicted him upon you.
Keep well,
-Daniel
Specialist replied:
Hello,
The package can go out, the difference is still missing: €28,21. This is the bilingual invoice we sent [Customer]:
Neuverspiegelung Reflektor im Kadmiumgelb/Resilvering Reflector in yellow:
64,65 € (without VAT)
Glas demontieren und verkleben/Lens removal and installation with adhesive:
30,20 € (without VAT)
Versandkosten USA oder Kanada/shipping cost USA & Canada:
49,99 €
So I, knowing there was little point, nevertheless sent this to Customer:
Hi, [Customer].
[Specialist] just sent me a copy of the invoice they sent you, and I gave it a careful look.
It is bilingual, in German and in English. It is also in Euros, not in US Dollars (which makes sense, given that they’re in Europe). They didn’t invoice you for 144.84 US Dollars, they invoiced you for 144.84 Euros. The Euro symbol € appears next to each amount on the invoice.
The “extra” money they asked you for wasn’t some kind of a scam, it was because you misread the invoice as calling for a Dollar total rather than a Euro total.
So, you made a mistake. Not me, not them. Which is fine, it happens; we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The thing to do is go “Oh oops, yeah” and fix it; no harm/no foul.
Looks to me like your custom lamp—exactly to your specifications—is done and ready and waiting, and you’ve got the bulbs for it, and you could have it in hand just as quickly as the world’s postal services can get it to you these days.
All you have to do is go “Oh, oops, yeah” and fix the error.
Keep well,
-Daniel
No reply, so—probably because I felt he deserved another blood pressure spike (when you’re self-employed the boss is a damn jerk who watches you every moment but can’t fire you, but one perq is you don’t get hauled into HR and written up)—I called Customer on the phone. As soon as I identified myself, he began emitting showers of sparks: “I’m DONE with the headlamp! I’m out $400 and they demanded more money for no reason! It’s a scam! I’m DONE! GoodBYE!” and hung up.
So I sent him this final message:
I was going to offer you a refund, but you hung up, so I’m left to conclude you’re more interested in being pissed off than in being served. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
No reply, of course. Seriously, I would’ve accepted the bulbs back for a full refund, and/or worked with him to arrive at some other satisfactory arrangement, if he really didn’t want to remit the twenty-five whole, entire dollars owing to Specialist. Oh well, he got to feel he’s right about being wronged, and that was the main thing. I sent €28.21 to Specialist, and the lamp and bulbs are on my shelf.
So those are some of my stories from my decades at the obscure speciality fringes of the auto parts trade. Sometimes I’ve been a winner; when I was a teenager Fram sent me, free of charge, about 300 metal ’61-’69 Chrysler-product PCV valve, OE items made by Stanadyne, when I squawked by mail after noticing that item had been dropped from the new year’s cattledog. They even paid for the shipping.
Sometimes I was several rows back from the winner’s circle; I stored that collection of PCV valves for years and then sold the majority of them in one go to an old-Mopar parts house for something like $2.73 apiece; they then sold them in a hurry for something like $39.95 each. Oops! Sometimes I was able to help out the community I was part of at the time; I found an Australian source of good fuel caps for ’60-’66 Valiant-Dart-Lancer-Barracuda cars and imported a big bunch of them. Made a lot of car owners happy, but getting hold of the caps was something of a hassle and I didn’t do it again.
New real OE turn signal switches for ’62-’69 Chrysler products have been a more enduringly good experience; I’ve sold about six hundred of those over the last 12 years, and counting…
…just by word of mouth; I don’t advertise, not even for the lighting stuff. I never have, except for those early business cards, not set in all-caps.
So there you have it: how I’ve moulded and channeled a weird fascination with car parts and fixation with car lights into food in the fridge and paid bills.
What a terrific read to start my day! I’d had a better sense of your Slant-Six-world expertise than the parts-selling, and you really helped us look over your shoulder (for better/worse) today.
My blood boiled a bit reading through the customer/delivery interactions–further evidence that I have no stomach for such things.
Pricing: another fascination–especially wondering if someone else can (and will) then turn something around for more $$$$.
To be doing business worldwide on word-of-mouth is an accomplishment, no matter what you’re selling. Thanks for letting us in on your world today…
That’s just it, isn’t it! “The customer is always right” isn’t true. Never has been. I mean, yeah, fine, when it’s purely a matter of Coke-versus-Pepsi opinion, but in more complex technical matters the customer is frequently wrong. Which is fine; that’s why experts exist. Sometimes I have to remind people they’re not obliged to buy anything from me, but they came asking not for a new dinner companion or drinkin’ buddy, but for a subject matter expert.
Sometimes it doesn’t rise (or sink) to that level, though. Near the end of 2020 I had one supremely self-unaware dude who…well, maybe it was the pandemic, the US and UK sociopolitical burndowns, the uncontrolled wildfires, and all the rest of what 2020 vomitted forth that’s caused him to behave like somebody needed naptime:
He ordered a pair of headlamps, a pair of bulbs, and a wiring harness. Easy routine stuff—the headlamps were to ship from facility “A”, and the bulbs and harness from facility “B”.
By and by, Customer pinged me: he’d got the harness and bulbs; when may he expect the headlamps? I take a look: h’mm, that’s odd; I didn’t have a tracking number for the headlamps. I called my guy at “A”, he looked into it, and said oops, his fault, he sees where that order got snagged; he’d send it out the next day (since it was already past cutoff).
I emailed Customer to apologise for the fumble and told him his lamps would be shipped the next day and I’d send him the tracking number as soon as it went live. He wrote back “No problem, thanks for looking into it.”
Two days later, email from customer: “I hope you didn’t ship the headlamps to [address he specified when he placed the order], because I can’t receive packages there any more. They should go to [other address he’s never mentioned before].
I reply: “Oh dear…I’m afraid the lamps did ship to [address he specified when placing the order]. If I had learned of the new address when I let you know your lamps would be shipping the following day, I could have sent them to your new address, but given where the package is in its progress, it can’t be redirected now. Will you be able to retrieve them?”
Back comes “I didn’t say it was your fault! I just told you my new address! GEEZ!!!”
I write back: “I wasn’t seeing any blame, I was just expressing regret that I didn’t have this information the other day when I could’ve accommodated it, thus saving you some inconvenience, and that I don’t have a way to make the delivery more convenient for you.”
He replies: “Pretty snide response from the jerk who ‘forgot’ to send the lamps. Good day, pal.”
Now, I’m as polite and accommodating as can be, often much more so than deserved…but only to a point.
So I reply: “‘Forgot’ in quotes? What, you think I deliberately didn’t ship them, hoping you wouldn’t notice or something? C’mon. Good day to you, too, I reckon. I hope you’re able to retrieve your lamps from the address where they shipped.”
From him comes: “Do not contact me again.”
Next day, I send: “Hi, there. Sorry to violate your directive not to contact you again, but you did previously request the tracking info on your headlamps, so I thought sending it might be worth risking your annoyance or anger. Tracking number [number] shows delivered on [yesterday’s date].”
No reply. Did he manage to get his lamps? Only his hairdresser knows for sure, I guess.
Coincidence, I just found that Pacesetter cruise control on the shelf, last week. Totally forgot about buying it from you.
Charlie! Hiya. Good to see from you.
Great article Dan, as I daily drive a 50+ year old imported car, the parts on hand deal is well understood. I have a few part numbers on an ebay saved search for various machines around here.
My eBay saved-searches list is a lot shorter than it used to be.
Wow Daniel, you’re a lot more patient than I would have been. As the Brits say I don’t suffer fools gladly, so it’s a good thing I don’t deal in parts I guess. I would not have tolerated that kind of treatment from “Dave” at the PO. I dearly hope you went over his head and reported his aggressive rudeness. And please do let us all know what PO that was so none of us ever make the mistake of going there, on the assumption that no USPS employees ever get fired, in the usual scheme of things.
I surely did pursue a grievance against Dave. His boss at that station (Wedgwood Station PO in 98115) turned out to be a cool lady with long hair, ink, and rings everywhere. And me with my tusk, I reckoned we’d get on just fine. Went in her office and had a really excellent talk with lots of smiling and laughing. She apologised right off the bat for Dave’s tantrum; I thanked her and told her I was chagrinned she was put in the position of having to apologise for someone else’s behaviour.
She was glad I’d brought along a written report on the prior day’s behaviour by Dave, and said it would be very helpful. In fact, she said, just the day before she’d seen and heard Dave mistreating another customer and had to step in, order Dave away from the counter, and help the customer herself. “Wow,” I said. “I mean, I guess he must’ve been having a really bad day, and I don’t usually wish that on anyone, but at the same time…!”. She said “Nnnno, he wasn’t having a bad day. His people skills are…well…”. I said “Oh. Well, I’m thinking maybe not so much with the customer contact for Dave.” She said “I’m thinking maybe not so much with the Dave.”
So she saved me the trouble of making a little Dave-shaped rag doll and sprinkling itching powder down its pants at midnight under a full moon. I reckon Dave’s conversation with her was less sunny and cheerful than mine was, and I’d like to think he was a great deal less happy with his result. But he did get to keep his job, because of course he did, and his boss got transferred away to elsewhere, because of course she did.
I wonder if someone at that post office ever said “I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that”, which was the custom error sound on my Mac SE
Another good read Daniel .
Sadly some jerks are fully aware they’re jerks and so hide it in the initial contact, then they come roaring back with endless B.S. and complaints .
I’m glad to hear you’re getting rid of your no longer wanted things, I’m sure my son will simply call “Got Junk?” when I die .
I’m still waiting to read about yellow headlights, you promised an article some time ago, did I miss it ? .
-Nate
Don’t fret, you haven’t missed the yellow-headlamps article. I had to find, buy, receive, and scan a 1934 book from France, and now I’m working on translating the relevant parts. I intend my article to be definitive.
As to things sold and for sale…well…I’m not quite a hundred per cent sure I didn’t/don’t want them any more.
Also waiting, since Nate brought it up. But I’m sure it will be nothing less than THE definitive, nay, reference article, when you finish it.
I’m eagerly awaiting the Chrysler reduction gear starter one.
That, too!
I’ve sold tons of stuff online as well over the decades, sometimes semi-organized for extra income etc, seems there are always a few that just want to rip you off, perhaps 2-3%? The more anonymous the sale/channel, the worse it is. My wife and I set up an early internet sales site (web 0.5?) for travel books and accessories back in the later 90’s, things were actually starting out promising…then all of a sudden we heard of this Jeff Bezos guy. Hmm. What could have been…But I still have my hair so I’ll take that.
Best just to chalk it off to breakage or a cost of doing business and start to believe in karma so that they’ll get theirs sooner or later. Interestingly though the face to face sales rarely if ever have issues like that when it’s just a material transaction without labor.
Yeah, I’ve weathered a few attempted ripoffs. For all my (many, legitimate, and recently all but finally terminal) gripes about PayPal, they have backed me up when I needed them—the secret there is to have one’s ducks aligned and documented, and to call PayPal on the phone.
One of the things I sell is a particularly good module for adding daytime running lights to a car not originally equipped. This guy—I’ll scramble up his name a little and call him Grang Ying—wrote in, having read enough to know this was exactly the module he wanted for his two cars. Would I please issue a PayPal invoice for two of them sent via regular ground shipping with no signature required? I generated and sent the invoice. He rejected it and sent an email “I changed my mind, I only want one module.” Okeh, I edited and re-sent the invoice, he paid and then immediately emailed wanting the tracking number. I explained it was 21:30 on a Friday, so his module wouldn’t ship until Monday, and as soon as I had the tracking number I’d send it. He wrote on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday morning asking again for the tracking number. FedEx picked up his module on Monday afternoon, and I sent him the tracking number.
I was wrong that I wouldn’t hear from him again; Wednesday, young Mr. Ying wrote and said the package was showing “delivered” as of 10:51 that morning, but it must have been stolen off his doorstep because when he went out there to look just before 11:00, it wasn’t there. I checked the tracking: yep, it showed delivery at 10:51 that morning. I wrote back and say that FedEx delivered the package and suggested he take an extra-careful look around his door, front and back porch, etc. He wrote back immediately (within seconds) to say it definitely must have been stolen, and I should send him another module, free of charge. I pointed out that he specifically requested delivery without a signature and so I couldn’t give him a free module. He said I should send him a free module and then file a claim with FedEx. I told him I’d contact FedEx, but because he requested no-signature delivery they’d almost certainly refuse to open a claim.
I contacted FedEx, and—sure enough—because the recipient requested no-signature delivery, they would open no claim. I relayed this to Grang and offered to pay the signature-required shipping on another (paid) module as a gesture of goodwill. Instead of responding, he filed a dispute and immediately elevated it to a claim on PayPal. For those who might not be familiar with PayPal’s protocols, a buyer can file a dispute if they don’t receive the item; it’s substantially not as described; it’s broken or damaged, etc. PayPal then ask the seller to provide proof of shipping and other relevant information, and eventually decide the case. If the buyer’s not satisfied with the seller’s response to the dispute, they can elevate it to a claim, which amounts to asking PayPal to unwind the deal, take the money away from the seller and give it back to the buyer. The key is there’s meant to be some time between filing a dispute and elevating it to a claim.
I called PayPal on the phone—if ever you need to get anything resolved with PayPal, call them on the phone!—and pointed them at the FedEx tracking number. They looked at the same screen I did, confirmed the value of the shipment was less than PayPal’s threshold for delivery-signature-required, and immediately closed the dispute/claim in my favour, meaning I kept Grang’s money and he kept the module he almost certainly received. The PayPal lady agreed with me it looked like Grang was trying to get two for the price of one.
That’s the end? Nope! Grang sent me a couple of ranty emails accusing me of having not even tried to file a claim with FedEx, threatening to get on the internet and tell everyone I’m a big con artist and fraudster, etc. I didn’t reply. Couple days later, he appealed PayPal’s closure of the dispute/claim; this time the reason was “Item received is substantially not as described”. I got back on the phone with PayPal. The PayPal guy said it looked like Grang was having a challenging time telling the truth—which is it? Not received, or received but not as described?—and cancelled the appeal, meaning I still kept Grang’s money (and he still kept the module he almost certainly got).
I did a half dozen searches looking to see all the horrible things Grang Ying wrote about me, and went looking on a few owner/enthusiast forums for his types of vehicles: oddly enough, no hits! Imagine that. It’s almost as if he tried and failed to pull a fast one or something. Some people’s children!
Only a couple of vendors handle this particular module. We know each other and are on cordial terms, so as a courtesy to them I sent round an email advising them of Grang Ying’s tactic in case he might try to pull the same BS; both other vendors sent back appreciative emails.
I couldn’t resist kicking ‘im in the crotch via email afterward, to the effect of Gee, Mr. Ying, it looks as if Paypal saw right through your pathetic attempt to steal from me just as quickly as I did. Matter of fact, it looks as if they saw through you twice. Guess you’d’ve done better to have accepted my goodwill offer of free shipping on a new module. Now you ain’t got neither (except for the one module you already received).
Yeah, been there too. The waste of time is what’s more aggravating, usually more so than the money involved. (Or rather, the time spent can end up being worth more than the actual money involved, but there’s the principle, so you have to fight…).
Just politely ask for a discount if you really, really need something for less instead of trying to scam something later and make both parties happy, one with a sale at a slightly lower profit, the other with a purchase at a slightly lower price.
I don’t begrudge anyone asking for a discount. The answer depends on how it’s asked and what other conversation there’s been; here’s one from 15 years ago: customer came to buy one pair of an inexpensive item. Just before paying, they said Wondering if there’s any discount I can get? Something like:
1. Wholesale or commercial discount
2. Volume discount
3. Good guy discount – and yes, I do qualify 😉
I replied:
Hi, there. Thanks for asking. Volume discounts apply at volume quantities; wholesale discounts apply at wholesale quantities, and commercial discounts apply at commercial quantities to customers with a valid business number on file.
I take you at your word that you’re eligible for the Good Guy discount. Me, I’m eligible for the Takes The Time To Work Individually With Each Potential Customer To Put Together A Solution For Their Specific Needs Rather Than Pretending One Size Fits All surcharge, and the discount and the surcharge cancel each other out. How would you like to pay today?
I am guilty of contributing to the delinquency of a Stern.
At least 20 years ago, maybe more, I was digging in the attic loft of a building belonging to a “self-service” junkyard that was really more of a hoarder’s residence/land, that he decided to open to the public as a “legitimate business”.
In that loft, I found case after case of NOS (Japanese) Stanley ECE 165mm H4 headlights that should not have been there, and in fact should not have been in the US at all.
Well, of course, when one finds weird headlights, one is compelled to contact the headlight guru, the great Dr. Stern. Who of course wanted them. Lemme tell you what a pain it is to ship cases of glass headlight fixtures, and how dreadfully heavy they are.
After reading this post, I’d bet a nickel that he still has a pair or 2 of those old Stanley headlights on a shelf somewhere.
Hah! I’d almost forgot about those, but now you mention it I remember in detail. 165 × 100mm (small rectangular) H4 headlamps for use on the right-hand side of the road, but they weren’t ECE lamps; they had no type-approval. No US or other-region markings, either. They had the three mechanical-aim pads/pips on the front face of the lens, like a sealed beam, which if I had a photometric lab of my own (in my dreams) I’d’ve been interested to see if those were for real—that is, if aiming the lamps with a Hoppy-or-similar mechanical aimer resulted in correct beam aim—and how their beam performance compared with Stanley’s ECE H4 lamp in this size, which had a very different lens.
I don’t have any of them left; haven’t seen one in many years. I didn’t buy them for myself, but on behalf of my employer at the time, a now-defunct distributor of miniature/automotive and sealed beam lighting and motorcycle headlamps (»ping!« you’ve just added another POAL chapter for me to write).
I remember going to that, ah, “junkyard” loft/barn to eyeball those headlamps. The barn also contained a nice late-’60s Toro Whirlwind lawnmower.
Well, I guess I owe you a nickel!
O the many delights of vintage parts, the often irrational desire to have and to hold
“It’s nos, I must own it”, despite no conceivable purpose for it. Luckily those days are past
for me, both from an automotive and bicycle perspective.
It is enough to enjoy the remembrance of things past in my mind, without the three
dimensional reference point.
Amen!
Daniel, as always a great article.
Thank you, Chris, for the compliment and for demonstrating an appropriate use of small caps with large initial caps. Overnight I remembered where to look for that first biz card, and while I had to do some reconstruction—it had been chopped up and recast horizontally by the owner of the Slant-6 News—I’ve now placed it in the post.
Thanks Daniel. I didn’t use your whole name on the card because the Internet can be weird. But I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
I would have called that Post Office guy’s bluff and insisted he call the cops.
I didn’t invite him to go ahead and call the cops because I didn’t want to escalate the situation. I wonder how the conversation might’ve gone. On the one hand, I was absolutely right. On the other hand, he was the head clerk and probably had the right to refuse service to anyone and order them off the premises. And even though I’m white I figured better not to chance it; the SPD had a reputation (how many Seattle cops does it take to push a fill-in-the-minority down the stairs? None; they fell while resisting arrest).
What a killer trip down memory lane. And speaking of things that aren’t supposed to be in this country, in the corner of the garage sits a mid-70s Toyota 18R-G twin cam engine, complete. A few of them did get imported as used take outs in the ’80s. Love the lead pic; I haven’t seen a Tomco carb kit in decades….
Ooer, forbidden-fruit engines from other markets! Nifty.
Tomco are still a going concern. That “Duro-7” carburetor inlet needle and seat they describe with such promotional vigour on the boxes in the picture is now promoted under a different name with even greater vigour; see attached.
That is good to know that the “Duro-7” lives on. I used one from a very old Tomco kit on a Carter BBD several years ago. Great read all the way!
Thanks kindly!
Yup I installed one of those into a Celica for a customer back in the mid 80’s.
It was actually a pretty easy install, I remember I had to fab the accelerator cable set up, and extend the wires going to the distributor, but it seems like the exhaust bolted up.
WRT wishing for birding as an alternate obsession: you can’t just do it with a pair of binoculars. (Expensive, big binoculars). No, you need a camera. Several cameras. And tripods. And big long lenses that are more expensive than the big binoculars. Trust me photographers have GAS* as bad as any gearhead.
*”gear acquisition syndrome
Well, I know all about the tendency of photographic gear to multiply in sync with nearby credit card balances—as I say, I’m married to a photographer—but as to birdwatching, that’s simultaneously dispiriting and comforting.
It’s good to have you back posting stuff like this. I’ve missed it.
Thanks, Paul. The list of chapters-yet-to-write has been growing lately…!
You have the patience of a saint, is all I can say. Kudos for keeping your sense of humor and composure through all this, and for writing another excellent article.
Thanks, Paul!
Years ago I attended a show and shine run by the club I belonged to. Since you can never find a pen or paper when someone asks for your contact information I thought it would be a good idea to print off a few contact cards with my name and number where I could be reached and a picture of my car on it. I added Nissan Nut under my name just for fun. Well, someone took one and pinned it up on a bulletin board in a popular speed shop and the phone at my Mom’s house, where I was living at the time, began ringing with people looking for parts. Oops!
One day a rather large dude showed up at the house while I was at work and was checking out my cars in the driveway. He had been to the speed shop and taken the card from the board and showed it to a tow truck driver that his dad’s shop dealt with and sure enough the driver had passed by the house a couple of times and directed him there. I have been friends with the large dude for more than 20 years now.
I have sold parts on enthusiast boards in the past and it’s a huge hassle and quickly made me lose my faith in humanity and the species in general. Since then I will only deal with people I know personally. I have a huge collection of parts in my basement. More than any sane person should have. Glad to see I am not alone.
I deliberately kind of held my tongue on the kinds of interactions that tend to spring from ads placed on enthusiast web boards. Figured I already said stuff about that.
(in my experience, friendships that start with an unexpected »whump« on the doorstep can be among the best there are!)
Great read Daniel, your levels of patience are far beyond what most people would manage.
Do you still provide parts for headlight upgrades? The E30 has lights that are frankly quite bad, was wondering if I could upgrade them. How do I get in touch?
Look for my name and you’ll find the actor and the lighting guy. 😉
(Thank you!)
Yes, I’ve had a at least a couple of instances of people refusing to look at a printout because they already knew what it said, except they didn’t of course. In reality I suspect they did but were just trying to pull a con which they couldn’t have if confronted with reality, but instead generally found a tantrum successful.
Parts, too many parts, don’t go there with me. I live in the vintage BMW world, although it wasn’t vintage when I started, just less than new, and just when I’m getting down there, someone else gifts me a ton of stuff they can’t bear to throw away. And it starts again.
But carbs? I’m old enough to be one of those people who wax nostalgic about them, but I don’t. Rather if I never saw another one I could die a happy man. They are like the fast, cheap, reliable conundrum, except pick only one instead of the normal 2. They had their time and it was pre 1970.
Totally agree about carburetors; I’d much rather exchange them for money than actually use them any more. But if one is going to handle them, it’s much nicer if they’re brand-new.
(Oh gawd, the parts collections that got offered up…!)
Dont remind me I have a storage locker full of Hillman Supeminx parts to dispose of one day and Ive already reduced the bulk by two thirds engines gearboxes panels and trim have gone, some of it is very hard to get some of it impossible, I may just sell the car at a later date and include whats left.
Wow, this one made my head spin!
Kudos though on how you handled Dave at the post office. I’m not as bold as you, but once I reach a breaking point, I tend to go postal. I probably would have lost it with him and had the cops called on me.
Wow Daniel, you are a more energetic man than I. To know all what you’ve got in multiple locations and be able to sell it for actual money – well done!
When I got out of the AMC business I took my small mountain of parts and put a single ad in the Tri-Ad (being pre-internet days)
I listed some of the big parts and the lot price. Some guy came to look who was really interested in the Javelin console and asked how much just that was. My answer was “It’s free, but you have to take everything” and he did. Problem solved.
But I didn’t claim to know what-all I had. Whenever I visit the last remaining cache, it’s surprise after oh-yeah after hey-I-remember-that-now.
I’ll count myself lucky that my one attempt to sell bicycle parts on eBay flopped. I still need to clear the garage but I can try the local Facebook.
Car parts seem to accumulate, I still have exhaust gaskets from a 1978 VW that was scrapped in 89 as well as a set of service tools for 80-84 A1 VWs. Fortunately the Buick CV axle got installed on the car and the old one scrapped but I still have a stack of BMW motorcycle stuff that was supposed ot have been installed 10 years ago. I guess I owe it some choke cables and the running light kit I got in 1993. At least the bike is in the garage to install the stuff.
I have a Citroen 2CV and it is remarkably easy to get parts, although there is always some shipping time involved, as I live in Canada. Because of this I have a growing stash of parts. When I bought the car in 1982 the seller had many parts that he also wanted to sell, so I took them all. Apart from the filters and other consumable parts there were also a pair of driveshafts, a voltage regulator and a starter motor.
In November, just before putting the car away for the winter, it would not turn over. After a bit of investigation I decided to try installing the spare starter that I had sitting in the basement for 31 years. It was used, but it still worked perfectly. I have now used all of that original set of parts, except the driveshafts, and I hope to not have to use them.
None of my “car” friends thought it was odd that I had a spare starter, but but my “non-car” friends all thought it was very weird.
Earlier today I saw an story on the Drive about how yellow off road lights work. After I was read your article, I went back to look at it again. Very interesting.
Great article. As an eBay Auto parts seller I can certainly sympathize.
https://www.thedrive.com/guides-and-gear/how-do-yellow-off-road-lights-work
Thanks for the plaudit!
As to that linked article about yellow light: with or without its false premise (“off-road lights are yellow”), it might be better if the guy who wrote that article understood these matters even just a small fraction as well as he thinks he does. He gets a few bits and parts more or less pretty much almost right, but a mountain of stuff profoundly wrong.
I have never seen a worthy, factually-sound article in The Drive. Clickbait, lots of that, but.
I had an interesting problem with customer service this year. I have a 2018 F150 XLT. I wanted better headlights than the halogens in the XLT. Shame on Ford for not putting the LED lights in across the board.
I bought a set of LED headlight assemblies that replaces the entire OEM light assemblies.
Supposed to be plug and play. Far from it. There are two “modules” located on the rear face of the lamp assemblies. Oddly they weren’t wired to anything, the two leads coming out were plugged into each other.. I removed the modules to make sure there wasn’t an internal connection to something inside the light housing. Nothing there. Now what?
I contacted the seller for help, no wiring diagrams available and tech support was useless, suggested I check out their install videos.
Contacted the manufacturer, where did you buy them, authorized seller, OK, did you check out their videos? No wiring diagrams available.
In the process of finding contacts I discovered the manufacturer and the two selling vendors have THE same address, hmmm. So they sell an expensive product and they provide zip for support. In the install videos I watched none of them discussed the module wiring. I did find one video that did briefly show the rear of the lights. So I brought up the video on my big screen TV and froze the vid at the right spot so I could closely exam the wiring. Got the wiring figured out and the lights work great.
There is a simple solution for this had they used their brain when they designed the product. Use keyed connectors or properly select were the male an female connectors are used so it can’t be wired wrong. ALSO, provide a wiring diagram.
I kept my original light assemblies as I imagine that there aren’t any repair parts available.
I spent 19 years designing and specing plow trucks, electrical system, plow hardware, etc. Never ran into such poor customer service.
Customer DISservice is the norm, today. As long as consumer put up with it, nothing will get better. Call out the name of these companies, so others know who not to patronize. And publicize companies that have superior product and service. As an example. I will never patronize Walmart, the small saving is not worth the aggravation.
I hate to be the wet blanket, especially on ×mas, but:
The LED headlamps Ford offered on those trucks were poor performers; see for yourself—they’re just irretrievably bad. The halogens got a poor grade, as well, but (it takes knowing how to interpret these ratings to see this) that’s more a function of poor aim than bad lights; properly aimed and with thoughtfully-selected bulbs, the factory halogen lamps give significantly better performance than the factory LEDs or pretty much any aftermarket setup.
The giant majority of aftermarket vehicle lights are inferior, fall-apart junk…at best, and that’s if we look only at OE-lookalike units. Move from there to “performance/upgrade” aftermarket lights, and the majority rises from giant to overwhelming, and adjectives like dangerous, fraudulent, and illegal start heavily applying.
I don’t doubt that you like your aftermarket lights, but that’s a totally separate question from whether or not they work adequately, let alone ‘great’.