We’re kicking the week off with a visit to another world. We’re going to travel to Advertising Planet, where the beer is always cold, (and served up by morally casual, wholesomely lubricious females), operators really are “standing by” just waiting to help you…And there are no bad cars. So please join us for a visit to a parallel universe where camera tricks, verbal sleight of hand and well known celebrities can unlock our hidden desires in everyday transportation.
From its very beginning as a commercial enterprise in the mid /late 1940’s, television and auto advertising have been natural partners. Far more than radio or print, television can give a multidimensional presentation of style,color and performance. It can tug at our heartstrings or make us roar with laughter. It is quite simply the most effective selling medium ever designed.
Of course, as times change, themes and narratives evolve to move the metal. One particularly insidious parlor trick that has evolved is to compare the one superior feature of any old penalty box to several class leaders . “More legroom than a Subaru, zero to sixty faster than a Corolla and a longer warranty than Volkswagen” . Selective comparisons like that can obscure the fact that their car is a sales dog because it only does that one thing well. Also, the form of the ads themselves have changed. The earliest TV commercials were live , shot with a single camera and could run several minutes in length. Today, network ad time is so expensive that a 60 second spot is a rarity. A two minute message (like the Fiat Strada ad below) is unknown.
One thing that you’ll notice is that there are no car ads from the 1950’s. That’s because there were no bad car ads in the fifties. In the earliest days of TV advertising, the ads were dignified and restrained. Men wore suits. Women wore evening dresses and didn’t have tattoos. They were more straightforward and didn’t try to get inside our head and convince us that our lives were a shallow mockery unless we drove home whatever they were selling. It was pretty low key and amazingly effective. Today, we’re going to look at the ads that , for the most part, didn’t save the car that they were commissioned to sell. That’s not to say that every one of these was a failure (Lexus stubbornly trots out its “December To Remember” ads like clockwork in the fall). But for the most part,bad ads attached themselves to bad cars. Let’s roll the clips:
1) Renault Le Car- 1980
http://youtu.be/7MF5LSI2eG4
“From the country that brought you the world’s fastest train…”
Came the world’s slowest car. In 1981, the little Renault R-5 was being flogged as one of the finer examples of French engineering that you could drive home (sluggishly) for under five grand. Left unsaid was the zero to sixty time of around fifteen seconds, which put this car squarely in the penalty box category. (The concurrent Ford Fiesta could do it in under 11 seconds). The LeCar’s 1.4L engine would be drafted for duty in the Alliance after the 5 was sent packing in 1983. This ad shows a slightly clueless (French?) couple looking at the camera no doubt dreading 48 monthly payments for a car that could be clocked in geologic time.
2) Pontiac Aztek – 2000
Note the visual tricks in this stunningly bad waste of half a minute of precious reality show screen time. I’m sure that GM didn’t show any long, well lensed full body shots of the Aztek because the lawyers warned them that they might cause blindness. The Aztek is on just about everybody’s short list of worst looking cars ever and this ad didn’t do the brand any favors. As if the epileptic quick cut editing wasn’t bad enough, the cross talk voiceovers are confusing and stupid.
3) Ford Granada – 1977
http://youtu.be/1DYWm_DOd90
I was 14 years young when I first saw this ad and even then, I was aghast that FoMoCo would compare this lemon to a Mercedes Benz.
Apparently well to do people in the 70’s hung out in their luxury cars at drive ins. I sure don’t remember it that way. Anyway, Ford did have the basic comparisons about right- four wheels, four doors, yep, in the dark, it could be a Mercedes. Note also that the blue oval couldn’t resist a jab at the Cadillac Seville that was itself a tarted up Nova underneath. The Granada had a few good years and then was discontinued in 1981.
4) Chevy Citation-1980
http://youtu.be/lV_1QTNlQWA
“The Worst Chevy Of The 80’s” would have been a more accurate jingle for this spot that introduced America to a car that didn’t even need rear wheels when towing a trailer. An interesting and novel approach was illustrating how 30(!) bags of groceries could fit in the cargo area. This was a better idea than it looks in the ad. You could munch on all of those comestibles while waiting for the tow truck when the engine spun a bearing or the locked up rear brakes rendered your Citation immobile.
5) Cadillac Catera -1997
http://youtu.be/ERZ4rasNJeY
“The Caddy That Zigs” reassured its erstwhile owners that they were all right and the world was screwed up. Even though their friends all warned them that they were buying a $40,000 Opel, a cartoon duck promised status, youth and a certain bourgeois lifestyle that they couldn’t get in a cheaper (and more reliable) car. The Catera actually utilized every weapon in the adman’s toolkit to move the metal before GM gave up on the Catera in 2001. Uber model Cindy Crawford donned a black mini dress in her Super Bowl spot and the big spenders at GM even had a character in a CBS drama (Lisa Catera) named to remind viewers to “lease a Catera” . They would have been better served to name a minor character “Checkie Beltnow” because when the timing tensioner snapped, the whole car was rendered a (wildly expensive) paperweight.
6) Fiat Strada-1979
The theme music for this ad is the classic comic opera standard “Figaro”. A comic opera pretty well sums up the whole Strada debacle that unspooled from 1979-1982. The only humans in the spot are the ones driving the cars onto a transport truck. The entire theme of this ad campaign for the Strada was “Handbuilt By Robots” (to which wags answered “and driven by idiots”). Another feature of this ad is that it is long by today’s standards (two whole minutes) Roger Smith at GM must have taken a liking to these ads because he did his darnedest to convert GM factories to robot assembly during his (disastrous) decade at the top of the company. Anyway, the whole robot leitmotif never really got any traction and the Strada (It was known as the Ritmo in Europe) expired here in 1982. Fiat itself surrendered a couple of seasons later and stayed far away from America until this year.
7) Cadillac Cimarron- 1984
http://youtu.be/k9bvNK9pvTk
To be fair, this is an ad made by a local Cadillac dealer network for viewing in a particular area, but it still uses the visual sleight of hand of not giving us a clear view of the car. Perhaps this is because the dealers were ashamed to show this wildly overpriced Chevy Cavalier clone in full view. I couldn’t find a national Cimarron ad anywhere, so if you have a link, I’d love to see it. The car itself is widely considered one of the worst marketing and sales disasters of all time.
8) Chrysler Imperial – 1981
http://youtu.be/OV3BcbV7JUE
Frank Sinatra was way past his prime by the time ChryCo tried to pass off this stinkbomb as a functioning luxury car. Sinatra and his pal Lee Iacocca even connived to offer an “fs” (lowercase) edition that was sold with cassettes of ‘Ol Blue Eyes most popular tunes stuffed in the glovebox. Too bad that Sinatra couldn’t fix the numerous fuel injection issues that killed his namesake car in 1983. ( Can you rhyme “driveability problems” in a song ?) A little over 12,000 Imperials were sold before MoPar put the car out of our collective misery.
9) Any Lexus “December To Remember” ad from 2003 – Present
http://youtu.be/1DYeFp2GAcw
Its an article of faith that good advertising can’t save a bad car. These pretentious, annoying ads have managed to turn that saying on its head. Lexus builds a good car. But these spots manage to turn off even the most devoted fans of the brand until after the holidays with their sappy, arrogant tone. Cars are not a proper gift, they are an expense. Putting a giant red bow on an expense strikes us as deadly dumb. One development of the last few years has Lexus showing us how diverse they are by featuring multiracial, sexually ambiguous relationships between carefully selected models.
10) Fiat 500 – 2011
Pop music flavor of the month Jennifer Lopez managed to infuriate New Yorkers when she made a casual drive in her old neighborhood...From the relative safety of LA. Slick camera work ensured that J Lo didn’t have to encounter winos, hobos and pervos as she reflected on what it means to be young and famous. When word leaked out that the ad used a body double for the Bronx shots, criticism poured in from all and sundry. It’s just one more black eye for the 500,which is selling poorly despite a major buildup from Fiat. Maybe 27 years wasn’t long enough for people to forget that Fiat means “Fix It Again,Tony”.
Okay, your memory is probably a lot better than mine. Is there any spectacularly bad ad that that you would like recognized ? Put it in the comments below.
Caution: NSFW!
http://youtu.be/4sZuN0xXWLc
It’s the Big Bill Hell ad from the 1980s. I still can’t tell if it’s real or not.
Where to begin? I’ll have to start with Celine Dion singing in a Pacifica – it didn’t help, no matter how nice I thought that car was – Chrysler, to me, had shot itself in the foot too often to entice me ever again, but I’m watching them closely, because I WANT to own a Chrysler again – someday.
Next? That Citation ad – oh, how clean and fresh they appeared! Too bad it was an illusion.
Ever notice that Frank Sinatra looked better as he got older? I fell in love with that Imperial. A radio personality in St. Louis thought so too, as he said it looked like a custom coach-built automobile. I strongly believed it would be an instant classic. Too bad, because it could have been. I thought the ads were good.
Local ads are still so bad they’re hilarious. My favorite was from the early ’70’s when in the service – Jay Brown of Spartan Dodge in San Jose. He sponsored all-night movies on channel 44, I believe, and had a little Robin Hood-like cartoon character with a sword called either the “Price Slasher” or “Price Chopper” (can’t recall which) and you’d see him running across the TV screen “hacking & hewing” a dollar sign as Jay Brown went thru his schtick! These ads impressed me so much that my room mate and I visited that dealership when in the Bay Area one weekend in 1972. They even had large wall posters they would give out, too. I had one for years, but it disappeared, probably dog-eared to death after I got married from being taped on various walls and taken down again. Wish I would’ve kept it anyway.
My other favorite was “The Roseville Gang” outside Sacramento. All the big 3 dealers in the city made ads together. One ad had a western theme where they were all cowboys on horseback and another was on a golf course. Corny antics and all made them so bad they were quite entertaining and funny in themselves.
In Cincinnati, the local ads are pretty much still horrible. One features the owner’s wife where she is apparently trying to break into TV show business as you can tell she’s had some kind of training and has improved over the years. Not too bad, actually. Others? Simply awful.
EDIT: The Honda “Mr. Opportunity” ads. I absolutely hated every single one and am thankful they’re finally history, but the guy hawking Hondas now is really no better. Dreadful and obnoxious.
Yes, Mr. Opportunity. Not quite as smarmy as the currently running ads with Patrick Warburton in them, but irritating enough.
The new ones may just eclipse Mr. Opportunity, though.
I usually watch only what’s on my DVR this time of year. I can blast through all of the commercials that way… (I have a whole rant about the commercialization of Christmas, but that’s for another forum)
Geo, other than news, DVR is about the only way I watch TV anymore unless I’m spending a quality evening with our dog next to me on the sofa watching one of the goofy shows on History, Discovery or Military when wifey is out somewhere, but generally I’m on here and over on TTAC where more often than not, intelligent conversation can be enjoyed – oh yes, pleasant memories, too!
Zackman:
I lived in San Jose from 1951 – 1995, and the character was the Price Slasher and not the Price Chopper. J. Brown referred to him as a “little character”.
I think it was channel 36 (where Carol Doda was a “spokesmodel”, remember her?) he broadcast on, since as I recollect, channel 44 was a San Francisco station… I would have to make a phone call on this….
I think he had one of those rocking aquarium thingies where it would look like black colored water was sloshing around. He was also criticized for keeping a “tacky” plastic cover on a lamp shade; J Brown responded that it was to keep the dust off it….
I actually saw J Brown at the Santa Clara County fairgrounds one time…
Eric
PS We also used to sneak into Cherry Flat reservoir….
Remember Cal Worthington? He sold cars the way P.T. Barnum sold a Circus. If you saw any of those commercials, you would see an elephant, Lion, Bengal tiger, Emu, bear cub, camels, etc.
Jay Brown I do remember from watching KNTV 11 and KGSC 36. He was the owner of Spartan Dodge located on 4590 Stevens Creek Boulevard in the heart of San José auto row. KGSC on weekends aired movies and local TV Productions in Spanish and there were Spartan Dodge commercials done by one of the sales staff who Spanish. Another place I remember is Serramonte Ford. The slogan is “We want to be your car dealer. Frank Verducci opened his dealership about 1969. Sunnyvale Dodge which was on 1095 El Camino Real in Sunnyvale had a guy whose name was “Bargain Barney” and the slogan was “Drive home, a real bargain from Barney”.
“The Worst Chevy Of The 80’s” would have been a more accurate jingle for this spot that introduced America to a car that didn’t even need rear wheels when towing a trailer.
But think of the savings!
“Checkie Beltnow” is awesome. You could have a field day coming up with Reddy Kilowatt-type characters for lousy cars. Not that my Monday morning brain can come up with any at the moment!
Don’t EVER tarnish Reddy Kilowatt! He’s the “Bugs Bunny” of the power industry!
Mickey Mouse (or as I call him “Stinky Louse”) is the Citation of the movie and TV industry.
No! Not Reddy!
“Lisa Catera” is hilarious. Surely the Car Talk guys could do even better.
Who can top Cluckin’ Chicken? They should have used him instead of the Catera ducks.
Sinatra…never be another. A life well lived and still smoooth as silk.
And that Imperial! Huge and beautiful. Though like the Citation, an opportunity squandered.
I was going to post something quite similar, so I’ve got your back on this. That sled doesn’t make me barf and Frank is well….. Frank.
He could have been 86 and senile in this commercial but he’ll always be the 1950s hipster that with scotch glass in hand could pull any chick (yes, I said chick) he wanted to.
Come on, take a moment to peruse he ‘greatest hits’ list…..
Ava Gardner
Mia Farrow
Angie Dickenson
and the list is too numerous to go on……
+1. He was so cool he was frozen, baby! And put me down as another fan of both the ’80s and ’90s incarnations of the Imperial.
I too have to chime in on the Sinatra Imperial ad. This ad came on the heels of Sinatra’s New York New York hit. In 1980, he was back on the pop charts, had a new album (if not two) and a movie (The First Deadly Sin).
Although I much prefer his earlier work, there is no denying that Sinatra was still a hot property in 1980-81. It was my recallection that he carried a soft spot for Chrysler going back to his youth, and did this ad either gratis or for very little money. This was a $20k car in 1981, and Ol’ Blue Eyes would have hit the intended demographic like a freight train.
If the car had been what it should have been, this ad would have been spot-on. Unfortunately, the car suffered terrible problems. Chrysler supposedly spent $10k per car on warranty repairs, mostly to retrofit a carburetor in place of fuel injection, a procedure that required replacing the fuel tank and the instrument cluster in addition to all the stuff you would normally expect. My vote is that this one alone of the examples was a great ad for a terribly flawed car. Of the two, Sinatra is the keeper, the car was not.
This lengthy nit aside, you have dredged up some great ads. And who would have guessed that the Seattle-Tacoma Cadillac Dealers had dealers in both Seattle and Tacoma? And I am right there with you on the Lexus ads. I recall some similar Mercedes ads in recent years that were no better.
I recall reading that, when he was a teen, his parents either bought him a brand-new Chrysler for his own use, or allowed him free use of theirs. For that time (during the Depression), that was quite a gift…almost like giving a teen a brand-new BMW 5-Series today.
I can’t hate the Granada ad…it is more campy than bad. And, like it or not, lots of people DID like the fact that the Granada looked like a Mercedes, just as they liked the fact that a 1965 Galaxie LTD was quieter than a Rolls-Royce.
The Granada debuted in the wake of the first oil shock, and in the midst of a very nasty recession. This one-two punch pretty much squelched any remaining optimism left over from the 1960s.
We laugh (or grit our teeth) today, but telling Mr. and Mrs. Middle America that the Ford they were stretching to buy looked like the newest status symbol was smart marketing.
The Granada also benefitted from that syndrome that affected a number of Fords over the years: When new, it felt very tight and solid, and seemed to be a very high quality car. As the miles went by (particularly in the rusty north) not so much.
At the time, I recall that the Granada wasn’t any worse than its Chrysler or AMC competition in the rust department. And I was well aware of Ford’s rust problems (which didn’t affect all of its cars – the Pinto and Mustang II, for example, were actually pretty good, and the Lincolns were just as good as contemporary Cadillacs).
GM still led in this regard among domestic compacts – the NOVA cars were the most rust resistant.
I’m not recalling the Granada as being a real rust bucket – certainly not on the order of the Maverick or first year or so of the Aspen/Volare. Here in Pennsylvania, these were still seen in regular use well into the mid-1980s, and they were no more rusty than your typical mid- to late-1970s domestic car.
Interestingly, the root of Ford’s problem was its reluctance to install the E-coat process, which its European subsidiary had invented, in all of its North American plants! GM supposedly paid a royalty on the process and installed it in all of its plants. But Ford dragged its feet, for cost reasons, although the Wixom plant (which produced Thunderbirds and Lincolns) had it installed almost immediately. But it was installed slowly at other Ford plants, so if a vehicle was sourced from more than one plant, whether the plant had the E-coat process installed influenced the vehicles’ resistance to rust.
I recall that the Granada coupes would develop a big fist-sized rust hole in the middle of the rear quarter panels under the rear quarter window. I was long used to cars rusting in lower doors and lower fenders, but never so high up on the middle of a panel. This was like that famous Studebaker front fender.
My father’s 1973 AMC Gremlin developed a sizable rust hole on the top of the front fenders, near the windshield. This was common to Gremlins and Hornets in the 1970s.
I remember some of those with the special flow through ventilation holes. Not quite sure how they rusted to that extent in that place.
For a couple of years, Granadas sold as fast as Dearborn could churn them out. The real question is why anybody bought the ponderous, wallowing Torinos and cynically named “LTD II”s of the same vintage. The Granada provided better passenger accommodations and trunk space than the Torino in a sensibly sized and somewhat less thirsty package. If only they hadn’t also been given the numb steering, touchy brakes and overwrought but information-free dashes that were standard equipment on all 70’s Fords.
I’m glad the Granada ads were in this list. Anytime I think of bad car ads those always top my list. Another memorable series of Ford ads from the 70’s was “Mustang II, boredom 0” on the introduction of that particular piece of trash.
The ‘…Boredom 0’ ads were in 1977, 3 years after the II’s first model year. It was to counter the resurge of of Camaros and Firebirds. Ad shows guy kissing the girl, as if the car got her to like him.
Thanks, I stand corrected. I don’t know why I remembered that being an intro ad. In any event, one of the most cringeworthy ads ever.
Of all the American (American’t?) cars profiled here I see more Granada’s still plying the roads than any other. Lemon, eh?
What part of the country are you in? Here in the rustbelt (central Indiana) I cannot tell you the last time I saw a Granada, but it has been years.
Just outside of Portland, OR, not really too far from Paul. And there is certainly CC material everywhere here. It’s SO cool!
When I visited San Francisco in 2003, I was surprised at the number of 1960s Fords used as daily drivers. In one office parking lot, there were TWO Falcons (1964 or 1965). The Fords were by far the most common daily drivers among 1960s cars, at least by a visual count.
Well, I suppose once you got through a round of replacing all the broken bits with good stuff (my ’75 Monarch went through a front u-joint, alternator, and transmission before the end of ’78), and assuming you live on the west coast so no rust, they might last a while. On the other hand, you’d have to be a glutton for punishment to put up with the smog-strangled engine (can you say hesitation? I knew you could.), terrible gas mileage (best ever recorded for a tank was 18 doing exactly 55 mph on a straight flat Interstate in South Dakota; more usual was 16 highway and 8-10 around town), and the rear suspension so soft it would bottom over the least irregularity in the road if you had the temerity to actually put people in the rear seat.
Truly a wretched car. Had I not gone to work for Ford in ’78, that would have been my last Ford for a very long time.
I’m in the Seattle area and I too see the occasional Granada on the road.
My Renault 5 really did have an amazingly smooth ride, so there!
I think there should be a special award for Toyota’s very recent “Toyotas are here” commercial that has run in California, at the very least, showing Toyotas pouring off of ships and transporter trucks to the tune of Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries.
Chosen, I assume, by someone with little knowledge of the second World War, the Axis alliance, or Hitler’s taste in music.
Toyotas pouring off of ships and transporter trucks to the tune of Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries.
That is awful.
But at least it wasn’t Volkswagens. Imagine the possibilities for tone-deaf marketing.
“VW’s Sales Blitz Event!”
I couldn’t have been more thrilled to see J Lo as the ‘symbol; of FIAT as I was fairly certain that this ‘style icon’ would be the deadknell for this lump crap. Another victim of the new retro craze.
WEll done J Lo, now get back to judging those losers in AI.
Through the ’80s, ’90s and ’00s, I always felt that the Japanese automakers ran ads that were more sophisticated than their domestic competitors. Ads from Japanese companies seemed to have more substance to them, while ads from domestics seemed to rely more heavily on catchy slogans, flashy images, depictions of excited people in showrooms and the like. The one major exception is Toyota. If anything, I think they’ve historically been even worse than the domestics.
A few years back, IIRC, BMW ads used to tell viewers to go see the cars at their authorized BMW “re-seller”. I assume the use of this term, instead of “dealer” (or “retailer”) was to show customers that BMW was a company that did things differently and didn’t merely have “dealers” in the way car companies traditionally did. “Re-seller” seemed like an odd way to put it, though. It seemed to me to suggest a fairly detached relationship between the dealer and manufacturer. “Re-selling” sounds like a description of what a ticket scalper does.
My nomination for the worst car ad right now is the Kia Soul Hamster thing. It doesn’t tell me a thing about the Soul and is irritating as hell when it’s in heavy rotation. And who the hell would drive in an unarmored vehicle into a battle?
Oh my, thank you for bringing that out. Nothing like street losers promoting a car. Unfortunately it either worked very well, or the car is so good it sells itself.
Might as well use all the MLB mascots and see what happens!
I wouldn’t say that there weren’t any bad advertisements in the 1950s.
The models in the ads look classy and dignified, but the copy itself was filled with lots of breatless hype and claims that were either meaningless, or outright nonsense. (For example, in 1957 Buick claimed that prestige buyers were increasingly buying the Roadmaster – which was false, as 1957 was a bad year for Buick sales.)
I know that Paul is a Subie fan and all, but they’ve had a recent run over the last several years of some of the worst commercials I can recall.
My least favorite one was where the folks left their old Subaru out in a field of other junked Subarus. What message were they trying to send? You should anthropromorphize your auto and send it off to die, allegedly like the Eskimos did with their old? You should leave an old car in a random field to eventually expel or leak out it’s toxic fluids and create your very own personal EPA Superfund site?
Another one that annoys me is the current Outback ad, with the cutesy couple, where the guy has “lost” his sunglasses. They apparently have to get these sunglasses back so badly, that they pull an illegal U-turn on a rural highway, eventually inadvertantly using the horn to elicit a stampede of bats, whereupon the male ding-dong finds his “lost” sunglasses. What a way to make them both look like incompetent fools. What is the message here? You should burn gallons of fuel looking for $10 sunglasses? I saw very little about the attributes of the car.
My least favorite-ist one is airing right now. These are the ones where people are using Subarus in cooperation with their “causes”. One of the shots shows a young lady wearing a green colored T shirt that reads: I’m greener than my shirt. If that were true, wouldn’t you have kept your old car? Or if you’re going to be green, wouldn’t a Leaf or Prius make a larger statement? The best part is, Subaru will “donate” $200 or so to one of five charities. Really? Donate? All this really means is that you just paid at least $200 more for your car than you could have. Wouldn’t it make more sense just to donate the bux on your own and save the ‘feel good’ attempt from a major corporation to pull the wool over your eyes?
I would really like to know something more about the cars, but apparently they’re too busy putting the old ones out to stud, or saving the whales to tell me what the unique selling proposition is on these vehicles. And with their ONE plant in the US being a non landfill plant, I really found that commercial to be a bit misleading. If they had 10 or 50 plants, that would be something.
If I were in the Subaru selling biz, I’d be mighty upset about these ads. They really don’t tell you anything about the car.
There is the other recent Subaru ad (I forget if print or tv) touting Subaru’s eco-friendliness with its beautiful wooded property in Lafayette, Indiana. I have driven past this plant numerous times, and I’ll be darned if I know where they found those trees. The place looks just like any generically modern factory in the US.
jp: That’s the zero landfill commercial I referenced earlier. I love how it seems like Eden was transplanted to Indiana (no offense to my Hoosier friends) and the Almighty himself created a Subaru plant from another one of Adam’s ribs. I keep expecting the critters from “Bambi” to show up and start frolicking down the assembly line.
I’ll take “A Clockwork Orange” kind of torture device forcing me to watch small market auto sales ads (locally produced ones), rather than having to sit through the national Subie, Honda or Lexus ads.
Ick.
Yes, the stretching of the truth by Subaru on their zero-landfill claim is particularly egregious (hmmm, I wonder what they do with all of the ASH that comes out of the trash incinerator, maybe BURY IT? Or even worse, it gets used as agricultural fertilizer somewhere).
But that’s not as bad as the “Partial-Zero-Emissions Vehicle” logos stuck on the back of some of their cars – is this the new math that we’re teaching kids today? Is this similar to being half-way pregnant?
LMAO I had noticed that as well, but you summed up the miscalculation most aptly.
That “PZEV” thing never ceases to bug me. I looked it up: “A Partial Zero Emissions Vehicle is a vehicle that has zero evaporative emissions from its fuel system, has a 15-year (or at least 150,000-mile) warranty on its emission-control components, and meets SULEV tailpipe-emission standards.” That’s nice, but is not what zero emissions means in anyone’s common sense. Marketing.
Having said that, we’re very happy with our ’94 Legacy Wagon, bought about ten years ago at 100K miles for $7K, now at 170K miles. It’s Lily’s daily driver, ski car and nursery wagon, and she loves it. Our local independent Subaru shop did the head gaskets awhile ago, it wasn’t that expensive and the car was worth it. Besides a clutch and the other usual maintenance, that’s all I can think of.
Extremely reliable, extremely capable. Easy to understand why Subaru AWD wagons are so popular in the City of Roses, sudden ice storms and Mt. Hood skiing.
I like my Subaru and don’t find the ads all that enlightening, but you have to admit, they know how to pitch to their constituency. The general run of Subaru buyers will eat that s**t up.
127K on mine in 9+ years of ownership (since new), and no head-gasket issues (I have the H6). I have had the front wheel bearings redone already, though. Still no single repair that made my jaw drop at seeing the bill. Driven 30 miles each way 4 days a week to work.
That said, AWD in LA is probably waste of money and fuel, but I bought it in a place that has ice storms and slush, and I may move to PDX one of these days.
One of the worst ads I remember was for the Dodge Charger-I believe around 1974. It starts out with a nerdy couple (think David and Julie Eisenhower) in a new Charger and she’s complaining that they’ve been engaged for 5 years or so and is asking when will they tie the knot. About that time two female amazons appear, start drooling over the vehicle, drag the poor guy out and practically rape him on the spot over his “hot” Charger, while the mousy little girl screams “the engagement is over!”
Truly dreadful.
Fortunately it was about this time the Arab oil embargo began, and the car as a sex object ads began to fade replaced by ads touting fuel economy.
It’s on You Tube somewhere, but I remember them when new. Any ads that suggests guys that ‘you’ll score with this new car’ are crass and plain dumb.
I believe it was for a 1970 Charger.
The use of sex to sell cars was quite common in the 1960s and early 1970s, particularly since it was assumed that most cars were bought by men.
Dodge was the most blatant about it, starting with the “Dodge Rebellion” series of ads of 1966-67, on through the “Dodge Fever” series of 1968-69. The first used blond Pam Austin, the second used brunette Joan Anita Parker, and the sex appeal of both actresses was a big part of the ads.
Dodge ads for the 1973 Polara said ”For her, comfort and tasteful interiors, for him, power and durability!”
Check this Holden Monaro ad from Australia, circa 1968 —
While I’m no fan of the “December to Remember” ads (This year’s seems particularly crass for some reason…), Lexus keeps bringing them back because they work!
I read an article several years ago talking about the success of the ads. It seems the Lexus December sales numbers show a significant bump up compared to other luxury nameplates. Other brands want to join the party, but don’t want to look like they’re piggy backing on the Lexus ads, catching them between a rock and a hard place.
It is quite the paradox that whenever I talk cars with people all over the country, they cite the Lexus ads as the ones that they love to hate. But they DO remember them,which is what Lexus is paying for.
‘Mr. Oppurtunity’ was such a bland cartoon character, as if he was ‘the perfect cool, urban, young professional guy’ that Honda desires to buy their cars.
Also, the first ad for the 2008 Accord starts with ‘In creating the perfect car..’, how pretentious! Has an old ELO song in background. Should just say “for you fattening and aging people, the Accord is fatter too!”
And, worst, the Hummmer ad with the shy mother at the playground, just dissed by another mom, “I believe my kid was here first”. So, she runs to buy a Hummer to ‘feel stronger’?
I truly hated the Ford Freestyle commercial featuring the divorced couple.
Really all the “Bold Moves” ads were bad.
I don’t know if anybody remembers the Ford EDGE ads with the cheezy techno music. Those were loaded with fail.
I usually change channels for the Lexus ads. If my “better half” were ever to present my with a payment book for Christmas I’d probably have to get a divorce..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNPTlT8HXjk
The “Not the Nine O’Clock News” Strada spoof is still worth 30 seconds of your time….
The car they are driving is a HB Vauxhall Viva not a fiat
I remember this one, pretty funny.
RIP Mel Smith
Paging Laurence Jones:
I think “Not Your Father’s Oldsmobile” ultimately backfired, by reminding people of old cars and old men. No disrespect to Ransom E., or all the great cars that have carried that brand, but who wants to drive an old-mobile?
What if they had spent the eighties shifting the brand name to Cutlass?
Or, what if in 1932, Alfred Sloan had kept the Viking and dropped the Olds? That’s what he did with Oakland, and its new companion make Pontiac. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_Motors_Companion_Make_Program
I do believe the name-recognitions, or synonyms, or whatever, is overrated.
Who wanted to drive a Cries-lure? or a ford (a wet crossing in a bog)? Or a Lincoln…an ugly man, dead for a century?
When I was a little, little kid…the two Oldses driven in our neighborhood were by two young mothers, upwardly mobile (on hubbies’ backs) and with social ambitions. Old? Not Betty or Martha. No…they were both in bikinis, in the Dunk-The-Doll booth at the annual summer carnival.
The problem with Olds was not the name, but badge-engineering and “brand management” that knew nothing of the brand or history or customers or anything other than price range.
Around 1970, when being young was cool and being old was not, Oldsmobile print ads actually referred to the new models as ‘Youngmobiles from Oldsmobile’
In the small city where I worked, there was an old 1930’s theatre named the Granada. In the mid seventies, it was reworked into former glory as the “Granada Mini Mall, where a few small shops opened. (I think the building is still there, but empty.)
Anyhow, when the Grenada car came out in 1975 (?), the “Mall” put up a bunch of hoopla about the car. “The Grenada has come to the Grenada.” I remember parking the car after work to look at the new car, being compared to a Mercedes at $ 4,000. The car was a grey 4 door sedan, with vinyl seats. I thought the car was rather elegant in 4 door status, although it had a 6 cylinder. I tested a 2 door, but I thought it just looked like a cheap car.
I was driving a 72 Dodge Polara at the time. A rather austere 2 dr HT at that. But that Polara was luxury compared to the Ford. No way I’d be happy with that Grenada, even with nostalgia. But then, I thought the Seville was kind of crappy.
My favorite sappy car ad from the 1970’s is the Cordoba with Ricardo Mantalban. The “small” Chrylser looked like a wallowing boat in the driving scenes.
The Toyota ads with the snotty kid bragging about his dad’d Highlander, showing other kids ashamed of what their dad drives [Roadmaster wagon, 89 Chysler minvan] Come on?
Hate that commercial too!
One especially silly ad I remember was the Isuzu one from the 90s. It showed cars driving mindlessly around a mall, with nobody being able to find a parking spot. Then, the camera switched to an Isuzu doing some off-roading, and the voice-over said, “Cars are for malls. Isuzus are for the active life” or something like that. I found it ironic because, frankly, most SUVs, including Isuzus, were far more likely to be parked at a mall than even going down a dirt road.
Ford Granada – “What’re you, some kinda weirdo?” could also have been applied to the Granada buyer quite accurately. Although bad, this ad still made me chuckle.
Chevrolet Citation – I remember this ad far too well from my youth to be healthy. I have never quite been able to shake that detestable jingle from my head, and thanks to this blog its persistent chatter in the dark recesses of my memory has likely been assured until the end of time, or at the very least until I meet my maker.
Fiat Strada – I’m not sure it’s fair to characterize the Strada ad as being intrinsically bad, save for the fact that it ends with a herd of Fiat Stradas being built. If the end product of robot labor had been something that ran reliably and was fun to drive we might consider the ad itself to be timeless. It makes no claims other than “handbuilt by robots,” which given the dubious quality of most of Fiat’s products at the time is necessarily vague. The ad’s fine, it’s the car we really hate.
Cadillac Cimarron – A friend’s lawyer father darkened his driveway with one of these and I always wondered just what sort of law one practices that doesn’t bag at least a BMW 3 series. Even in my somewhat hazy teen years I knew this thing was a Cavalier in drag, and probably the worst automotive deal of the century. He had a fairly sleazy reputation in the legal world (so I’m told), so perhaps it’s fitting that this was his ride of choice – GM’s cynical attempt at the ultimate badge-engineered hack job.
Fiat add… Well what esle would you expect from “Jenny from the Street” of middle class Queens,NY!.Fake Fake.Go away.. Bet this sham has cocked it up for the 500 inthe usa.Should have got Jay Leno, his wife loves hers. The Strada ,same name in the UK,add was a hip back in 80. Pity the cars did not last 80 month…..
It’s good to offer. And I have been taught about this article. And will be used in everyday life.
I grew up near Detroit (on the Canadian side) and I saw the cheesiest local dealer ads you can imagine in the ’70’s and ’80’s…including one Ford dealer who had the power of flight, an Olds dealer who whispered one word every five seconds, and a Dodge dealer who had an animated singing cowboy with a dog. Good times….
I hate the Christmas Lexus commercials more than any other. They are so obnoxious and crass. Yeah, I have 50 – 60 large to buy a new Lexus for a Christmas gift….in my dreams!
cfclark comments that Subaru knows “know how to pitch to their constituency.”
The “general run of Subaru buyers” he refers to are as insipid as are the Subaru commercials. Like the one where the yuppiegirl squeals, “It’s a painter’s easel!” But I can’t really compare the current sappy run of Subaru commercials to most of the ones “featured” in this edition of Curbside Classic; the ones with links in the text are from a YouTube account that’s been deleted.
So I’ll just have to hate the forgettable Subaru ones on their own “merits” and lunge for the MUTE button. They are certainly nothing like this old Subaru favorite, which was at least memorable. After all, I’ve remembered it for DECADES, now:
“Subaru will save you money,
Subaru will save you gas.
Subaru has front wheel drive and
Subaru is built to last.
It’s got a quadrizontal engine,
Handles easy too.
We could sell it on gas mileage alone
But you get far more with a Su-Ba-ROO.”