If you can remember comic books, you’ll probably recall some of the preposterous ads that ran on inside covers and spare pages. Some, like the one above, promised sure-fire schemes for making a buck. This one suggests that a kid could start his own fully awesome car and (especially) van customizing business by merely sending away for a free booklet. Did any CC’ers ever try this out? I presume you’d have just received a catalog of junky tools for sale and a mimeographed sheet of instructions on airbrushing.
But that’s not all, kids! You could try your hand at motorcycle maintenance, in case you were more of a nuts and bolts guy. Once again, it’s FREE to get started. And once again, you’d write to an address in tony Newport Beach, California…same department, but a different address. I guess the van customizing school and motorcycle college shared some management; a natural fit. (I love the blanks where they ask for your age. Try that today!) Anyhow, both suggest that they offer great deals on parts and tools, including, but not limited to, drapes, paneling, spoilers, test instruments, and gauges. And there’s no need to quit school or your job!
Of course, some stuff was honestly just for kids. Maybe the folks in Morton Grove, Illinois weren’t quite as cynical as those California slickers. This XKE model even comes with a working clamshell hood and crank windows.
Finally, an offer for something of lasting value. And by that I mean something made of honest-to-god potmetal, complete with action figures. And nothing for free either, Dinky Toys required a 50¢ payment before you could gawk at their free(?) catalog of potentially collectible goodies. Or you could just visit your favorite toy store, that is, back when you could go downtown and find an actual toy store. Me? I’d take the old NCC-1701 herself, a perennial classic.
These remind me of those little black and white ads in the back of magazines like Popular Mechanics. My best friend and I started pulling practical jokes on each other by writing to some of those companies under the other’s name. The result was a barrage of mail from all kinds of places (like “Learn Sharpening in your Spare Time!). Boy, was the Toledo Institute of Meat Cutting ever persistent. Their stuff came for months and months.
Ha, we did that in high school too, signing up friends for things like mobility scooters and hair club for men.
That’s hysterical.
You may have missed your calling. Cavanaugh’s Fine Meats sounds like a successful niche business.
We were never tempted to do this since it was USA only. Didn’t work in Canada..
In high school my friends did that to me a US Army application from Motor trend or something.
I remember I got a letter along the lines of ,”we appreciate your interest but unfortunately you have to be a US Citizen to join, (plus you’re not old enough)”, or something like that.
That prank has a timeless quality to it. In the early 2000s (back when car ads still provided the option to write or call for brochures), I used to send Toyota Echo ads to a buddy of mine. Just to annoy him.
Yes, I was old enough to have moved on to other pranks, but it was fun. The repeated Echo brochures worked very well.
We signed up our teachers. That was back when everybody had their names and addresses in the phone book.
An ex -wife back in the late 70’s sent $1.00 I believe in to get a “book” on “101 ways to prepare hamburger” It was a pamphlet that listed, hamburger with onion, hamburger with ketchup, hamburger with ketchup and mustard…etc, etc..She was embarrassed she fell for it, and didn’t show it to me till years later!
Oh, You forgot, “Learning locksmithing at home!” and the Mechanix illustrated ads for the goofy King Midget cars that had lawnmower motors, and “make your own mini bulldozer at home!”
JPC, you’ve got me laughing aloud at this one, ’cause that’s how I pranked a few friends back then. Here’s one of their ads, for the unbelieving:
While it is possible it was the same company hawking the how to customize and motorcycle mechanic courses it has nothing to do with the “Dept”. That is there to track the advertising return, it tells the advertiser which magazine you found it in so they can tell if renewing the ad in that magazine is worth while.
Are you sure this is from MAD? , they never carried ads of any kind , AFIK.
+1
I remember these ads well, but they were found in DC, Marvel, Harvey and Charlton comic books. Charlton had a number of automotive-themed titles such as Hot Rod Racers, Drag n’ Wheels, Teenage Hotrodders and others. The Best comic book though, was CARtoons.
Another
Another
CARtoons
+1 on the CarToons – a copy from 1981 that featured an insanely jacked up Nomad with huge side pipes launched my early teen fascination with vintage cars. Still have the well weathered copy (minus the cover).
+1 on the great CARtoons art! Spent countless hours drawing vintage iron in class when I shoulda been taking notes lol. I drew ’em Trosley style, of course. But they were all great (Kerry, Ellefson, Grube, Nelson.. all of ’em). Of course my first real cars all had to have a rake, big meaty tires and side-dump exhausts lol. CARtoons is back, picked up an issue not long ago (each issue seems to have a certain theme). Same classic logo, different publisher and artists. However, Trosley is a regular contributor 😀
(all pics are from the web)
Good to hear CARtoons is back ~ I subscribed my Son to it just before Peterson Publishing pulled the plug and it’s wasn’t anywhere near as good as it had been in the 60’s but anything that glorifies the Automobile was O.K. in my bok .
-Nate
“..anything that glorifies the Automobile was O.K. in my book” -Nate
X10. Couldn’t agree more
I remember reading my Dad’s CARtoons from the 60s, wish I still had them. I bought my own from the newstand from about ’76 to ’85. I’m not too crazy about the present incarnation’s “theme” issues, but the artwork is still cool.
A vendor had a few older issues at the Butler Parts-a-Rama last month, and some Drag Cartoons and Hot Rod Cartoons as well. Had to buy ’em
1970s Drag Cartoons
1960s Hot Rod Cartoons
Don’t forget Cycletoons with Hogg Ryder and The Old poop…..
BTW : my Son went on to be a Journeyman Mechanic like me and also a Hot Rodder although he prefers Japanese stuff, Subaru WRX’s now .
-Nate
Yes! My Dad had a few of those too.. The Ol’ Poop always got the better of Hogg Ryder.. and rode off with his chick too lol.
Glad to hear your son turned out to be a chip off the ol’ block, and though I’m primarily a Brougham and vintage Muscle car man, even I know those WRX’s are badass little cars. At a cruise a few years ago, I parked my Polara next to a sweet blue WRX, got to bs’ing with the owner, noticed his Autocross trophies in the back seat, but when I saw that the car was a stickshift, it blew my mind.. the man had only one arm
THANX for sharing all the cover shots ! it really brings back memories .
My Son was buying dead engines and building good used ones out of failed ones where the timing belt had snapped .
I taught him this repairing junked VW engines that had dropped the # 3 exhaust valve, it’s not difficult and you wind up with scads of left over little bits so the engines look and run as new .
Truth be told, I’da rather he stayed in College and gone on to greater things but he’s contented as I am so few are these days .
I’ll never forget Unk and Them Varmints .
-Nate
Unk and Them Varmints! O yeah, I do remember them.. While Unk wasn’t always a sympathetic character, I still felt bad for him after the Varmints trashed his car (AGAIN) and made his life miserable in general. Even as a kid, I used to wonder “WHY does he put up with them??” The series finale should have had a grinning Unk, sitting in a railjob, taching it up, a barbecue spit on each side, with 4 varmints on each spit, roasting in the flames shooting outta the upturned 4-pipe zoomie headers lol. I just may have to draw that myself, might could be a good cathartic excercise lol.
Very cool, passing on your skills to your son as you have. College ain’t for everybody (even back when I went it was more indoctrination than education). He’s content, doing what he enjoys, thanks to you.
No offense intended about Varmints roasting on some open headers.. sounds kinda like a Christmas carol lol. I’m getting an idea for a Christmas card.. I used to make my own, mail ’em to my gearhead buddies. They mostly featured big old Chryslers and Cadillacs
(Dig the little Dodge A100 sitting behind the timing booth, would’ve been brand-new when this issue came out)
If you enjoy bent Christmas music, check out Bob Rivers ‘Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire’ sometime…..
As soon as I can get out of this wheel chair I think I’ll go find a news stand and take a gander at the new CARtoons mag., maybe get my Son a subscription for his up coming Birthday .
One of the few things in my strange life I have no regrets about, is my Son .
-Nate
I bought an issue of CARtoons, thought it was so cool. I still remember (vaguely) one story about an old guy in a hopped-up deuce coupe taking on and beating an exotic Linguini Fandango (drawn as a Countach, LOL).
Believe it or not, I think I remember that story. If it’s the one I’m thinking of, at the end, after the Deuce beat the Countach, they pull over and the Countach driver says “You’ve modified her a bit but there’s no mistaking a FORD!”. The last panel shows the Deuce driver telling his girlfriend as they drive away “Cool old guy, I didn’t want to disillusion him.. This car has a Chevy engine, a custom-built frame, fiberglass body, aftermarket suspension, custom interior.. In other words, there isn’t a single Ford part on this crate!”
These ads. So much hype, so little potential.
I once responded to an ad placed by “Benson Barrett” that would teach one writing. I was eight, but there was a whole course of instruction I could have signed up to take.
The parents, wisely, intervened.
Then there was another one that promised one could make money by writing short sentences and the “learn auto upholstery at home” offer that, yes, I sent for information.
Another bullet I dodged was an online course in homeopathic doctorin’ that offered a degree, no less.
Glad I used the money to buy a condo instead.
I always wanted to buy the special X-RAY glasses, that allowed a person to to see through walls. My mother asked why I wanted a pair. I told here if I’d be able see through walls, certainly, I’d be able to see through girls dresses.
She kibosh-ed that whole deal immediately, something about being a gentleman, and not a creep. She also explained that they did not work as advertised. I was very disappointed.
The one that always fascinated me as a kid (as I lived right near a creek) was the Polaris Nuclear Submarine. This fun story had me thinking of that long ago ad, so I had to look it up. Six dollars and ninety-eight cents bought you a 7 foot long sub, big enough for you and your buddy. http://www.retroland.com/polaris-nuclear-submarine/
Here’s an episode of Get A Life starring Chris Elliot in which Chris finally gets a sub after nearly 30 yrs. w/hilarious results:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l0Gm1lc0BmE
I was only able to find one picture of that. It was cardboard.
Here’s what the owner said:
“I remember this as being a pretty cool toy. It had a little mirror periscope and you could fire the torpedoes and missiles. They shot out using a rubber band sling shot built in. Being immobile it was a bit difficult to aim, but if the dog or my brother happened to pass by the front of the sub… POW! Got em.”
http://secretfunspot.blogspot.com/2007/12/polaris-nuclear-sub-photo.html
Who needs X-Ray glasses when you can have Sea Monkeys?
I was just about to post that! The American Nuclear Family writ small…very small.
Did anybody ever buy those poor sea monkeys? I always wondered if they were real.
Just brine shrimp is all they were .
-Nate
Yeah, there’s a tiny disclaimer – “Caricatures shown not intended to depict artemia salina”. Here’s the boring truth…
Some folks and I in the office decided to find out back in the mid ’70s. You poured a packet into a bottle of water and the eggs would hatch. Tiny creatures appeared over a day or so, moving about like sea horses. They were not wearing crowns. Then, they died, and coated the bottom of the bottle with their tiny carcasses.
This would have been good if only they been able to deliver what was promised! Oh, and the girl is a faithless piece of work
My dad collected comics and I used to go through them when I got a little older. This muscle ad along with one for a home made hover craft have stuck with me the most lol
Its a shame my dads complete collection was ruined by a flood. I remember going through boxes and boxes of stuck together comics one of which was Uncanny X-men #3 that he had bought when he was twelve years old
I remember the home made hovercraft ad too. It was made using a vacuum cleaner motor. I would imaging a lot of kids dreamed of exotic travels on their hovercraft until they realized that travel was restricted by the length of the cord. Maybe the Sea Monkeys worked out better.
I had forgotten all about that hovercraft, thanks for the memory jog!
My dad shot that one down by pointing out that it’s almost impossible to find a good vacuum cleaner motor in the junkyard since a burned-out motor is the only reason anyone throws away a vacuum cleaner.
This ’65 Mustang commercial is selling essentially the same thing in the same way as that “insult” this-will-make-you-a-man comic book ad:
Works for me =8-) .
It appears to have a three speed manual tranny, I assume this means it’s also a 6 cylinder ? .
-Nate
I remember adverts from “Honor House” ~ all they sold was pure crap, ripping off kids .
-Nate
Well, I sold seeds from an ad in the back of a comic book because I wanted, of all things, a bugle.
I did get my bugle – it was a real, polished brass, regulation instrument, and had fun fooling around with trying to learn to play it and keep it polished. I hung on the wall in my room, and on occasion, mom would have to stand on the front porch and blow the thing to call me home for dinner!
Now that was hilarious, because you could hear that thing blare 3 blocks away! I’m sure the neighbors got either a kick out of it, or got annoyed by it, for very few had AC in the house then.
I was 10 or 11 years old.
Don’t recall what happened to it, but I often toyed with the idea of buying another one, if I could find one cheap enough.
Get rich? Not monetarily, but quality of life? Absolutely!
I remember most of these. I too was SURE I could make money customizing vans, being a locksmith, or TV repairman! I sent for some of the “information” While not as exciting as turning Econolines in to 1970s brothels, The locksmith at least is still a profession. When I was approaching that “certain” age, I remember overhearing my mother tell my father to check my room for “mens’ magazines”. Naive me thought she meant “Popular Mechanics” and “Motor Trend” ?
The closest useful ad in those comic books (and that’s still a stretch) were probably to sell ‘Grit’, a rural-oriented magazine of questionable substance.
I had a buddy or two who went for that one. While it was an honest come-on, the newspaper itself was absolutely useless. The guys that did it found they could sell an issue or two to certain curious neighbors, but after a few weeks that dried up totally.
THAT is the one I remember! Even as a little kid, I questioned whether i’d be able to convince even one person to buy some tabloid that nobody had ever heard of. In my entire life I have never run across an actual issue of Grit.
Another I had forgotten about. Looks like it’s still around, now a magazine.
https://www.grit.com/store/offer/EGRDNHZE
My grandmother was a regular and faithful reader of Grit. As I recall this particular magazine didn’t offer subscriptions, instead it had to be purchased from the carrier who came around with that week’s copy. Had no idea it could possibly still be around but apparently so.
“Grit” obviously has been a successful publication, as very few are around for more than a century and still exists. While originally published in Pennsylvania, I have (In Pittsburgh,PA) only seen it a couple of times. Being a city boy though, the only publication in our house as a kid that was remotely “small town” was “Yankee Magazine” — They still exist too!
I spent way too many hours in high school classes sketching cars and buildings, making ads for imaginary products, and doing other “art projects.” One was a series of re-purposed blank matchbooks. This one was inspired by vocational and “learn how to” ads: the Columbia School of Quantum Mechanics. Here is the outside:
Here is the inside:
Those are cool, like something out of a Phillip K. Dick story. Is that what incited the idea?
@Read ;
_Excellent_ .
-Nate
@Speedyk: You have to remember that in the 1970’s smoking was much more common, and matchbooks were a popular advertising medium. Many of the ads were for the same kind of thing the article highlighted: learn a trade. I was intrigued by how much they could cram into a matchbook cover and simply did my own take on it. Diesel Mechanics -> Quantum Mechanics seemed obvious to me at the time. Well, I’ve always had a thing for odd word associations, so maybe not so obvious to everyone else!
We uses to have a stack of old 50-60’s popular mechanics magazines in the lunch room at my dad’s shop. Some great get rich schemes that you could do from your garage, like making plastic key chains etc. The only one I saw that sticks in my mind that would probably be worth something today was a mini moke you could get for something like $600.
Also Belsaw, which I’m reminded of when I hit a local farmer’s market. Somewhat slow young man has a little hammertone one that he grinds away at knives with every Sunday. I wonder how many people just bring their crap knives along to help keep him going, since the results look pretty rough.
There was also the audio and TV repair courses, knew people that worked in that out of their garages and basements back when TV’s needed more adjusting.
And then there was the Mellinger Company, which got tired of selling chachkas and trinkets to kids one at a time, so offered to set someone up as a wholesaler, with glam photos of weird cars and TV’s. After getting a disappointingly-small folding knife (compared to the illustration) from one of the resellers out of Chicago I was done with those ads.
Today it’s companies like udemy and codeacademy offering “free” programming courses, with additional ones on offer once you get started. The free intros are easy, of course. And now it’s easy to place articles about how lucrative programming is in various places online. Nothing’s changed, but now there’s no need to physically ship a product.
I agree with the author, I want the diecast Enterprise, even if it is shooting giant communion wafers from the saucer section and dropping a wildly out-of-scale shuttlecraft from the bottom of the secondary hull (instead of launching it from the shuttle bay at the rear). I never knew Constitution Class starships had bomb bay doors, like a WWII B-17.. I must have missed that episode. The things you can learn from comic books, eh?
Eight-year-old me:
The space shuttle scene at the beginning of the movie ‘Heavy Metal’ dropped a ’59 Corvette from bomb bay doors
You’re right! That was the opening sequence as I recall, went to see it at a movie theater when it came out, had to see it at one of the big movie houses downtown, with surround sound, so it cost a little more, well worth the 3.50 lol. Not a bad flick. The ’59 Corvette, the segment about the cab driver (good story and I enjoyed their interpretation of a futuristic Checker) and the shot-up B-17 limping back to base were the best parts, IMO. That B-17 segment actually gave me a chill. The Captain Sternn segment was funny, with a twist ending. Cool flick
Back in the early ’70s, my Dad started letting me use his old 8mm movie camera.
The one magazine mail-order item I really coveted was the ‘Battery-Powered Movie-Projector’. I think it was something like “$9.98, from ‘Honor House’ – batteries not included”.
Mercifully, a friend of my Dad’s gave me an old damaged Kodak movie projector instead, that I was able to repair.
Many years later, I found out what a piece of junk that mail-order projector was when I spotted one at a flea-market!
Happy Motoring, Mark
How about learning martial arts from a book. Yes we did have those in Israel.
I remember seeing a matchbook ad claiming to teach Judo by mail., So it was “a thing” here in the USA too! ?