(first posted 3/15/2013) If I ever run out of cars to shoot in Eugene (not likely), I’ll just start hanging out in our sister city to the east, Springfield. The other day, I stopped in at two car dealers; Springfield Buick, and Dan’s Automotive. This used car lot on Main Street was surprisingly chock-full of CCs, and I’ll give you a full tour later, so don’t go off about the Stude in the background. But the queen of the lot deserves its own special moment, since it’s one of my all-time favorite cars.
Since all too many of you here have a habit of taking my words too seriously way too often, I just lied. This is not one of my favorite cars. Rather, quite the opposite. I positively hated it when it came out; the only question was whether I disliked it more than its big, fat predecessor. I did, actually. Why?
Where to start? Its monkey-assed trunk? That was just a start, and I suppose not all that egregious of a sin. But it was out of proportion to the rest of the car. This “Cougar” was just a tarted up Mercury Zephyr, the Ford Fairmont’s kissing cousin. And I rather liked the Fairmont and Zephyr for what they were: simple, honest cars in the mold of Volvos. I even titled my Fairmont CC “That Very Rare Honest Car”
That means I get to title this “That Very Common Dishonest Car”. No harm or rudeness intended to you lovers of this fine car, but when you take a simple box of a car and tart it up like this to be a personal luxury car wearing a name that once really mean something in terms of design and performance, it is more than a wee bit dishonest, in the way we all-too often allowed ourselves to be suckered by Detroit’s latest parlor trick.
Why am I such a carmudgeon? I should be telling you how sharp this car’s “gracefully styled luxury half-vinyl roof with intriguing quarter-window treatment” are and how tasty this some-kind-of-animal-skin-like-texture-and-patterned-padded-vinyl top is. My apologies; on second thought, they are sharp, and that padded top is very tasty indeed. They must be; why else did I pull in to shoot this Cougar on a grey drizzly day?
At least in its first year’s incarnation, the Foxy Cougar was actually V8 powered. But it didn’t feel like it, since the standard 115 hp 255 cubic inch (4.2 L) version was as dishonest as a V8 engine has ever been: six cylinder (barely) performance, and not all that economical to boot. But by 1981, there was no more pretense: the Pinto 2.3 L four was now standard, rated at 88 hp. And the 200 inch (3.3L) six was also on tap, even though it was rated at the same 88hp. How did Ford manage that, given the 43% greater displacement? Another parlor trick.
But the 5.0 L V8 was optional, sporting all of 130 hp. And the beloved AOD automatic too. Difficult times; or times made even more difficult for not trying just a wee bit harder. Except for Ford’s Department of Pretense. They were obviously working overtime then.
I’m almost disappointed that we’re not looking at plush velour seats in bordello red. Actually, I’m a bit confused at what we are looking at. The 1980 brochure suggests that the distinctive triple-opera window roof was part of the Luxury Group package. But that also included “Twin Comfort Barco-Loungers” with semi-loose pillow look or something like that. These look so plain and ordinary; not very dishonest at all. And are they just plain vinyl? That just doesn’t read like genuine leather. Who’s being fooled now?
The offer on the windshield certainly is unusually honest too: 0% interest on an old car; what a deal. Wonder how much he got it for? $700? $800. Wonder how much it cost Mercury to tart up a Zephyr and turn it into a Cougar XR-7?
In my defense, I will tell you in perfect honesty that this generation of Cougar was a sales flop. Its chunky 1979 predecessor sold over 170k units; barely 58k of these 1980s found good homes. So I guess I wasn’t the only one who didn’t care too much for them. Honesty is the best policy.
I couldn’t agree with you more on this one Paul. I’d go as far to say it (and the equivalent T-bird) deserves deadly sin status. I find the starting point for this monstrosity, Fairmont/Zephyr, to be decent looking cars too. How Ford-like to evolve them into something like this. I think it even gives the Pontiac Aztek competition for one of the ugliest mass produced cars.
While far from my favorite era of the Mercury Cougar’s but I thought they looked better than the Ford Thunderbird’s of the same vintage, I’ll gladly take this era of the Cougar’s over the FWD version built during the late 90’s/early 2000’s.
It seems like a little girl trying on all of Mommy’s fancy accessories. Shoes too big. Hat too big. Too many necklaces. Sunglasses too big. If you look at it in that context it should look funny or cute, but since cars are not children it just looks weird.
I’d forgotten just how awful these looked.
And the Fairmont/Zephyr, in contrast, were quite attractive to my eyes. Especially the Futura coupes.
At least Cougar ended well after a huge comeback for ’83…
Never drove a Fox body Ford so can’t comment on chassis competence, but all of them, including the original Fairmont and it’s sundry derivatives, always looked really lightweight, chintzy and flimsy to my eye, the dashboards were downright cheesy, and their especially bogus version of the ubiquitous Ye Olde Fayke Woode Graine treatment didn’t help. Somehow ’77-79 GM’s B/C and A bodies initially avoided this, but they too had joined the club by the early ’80s. IMO!
My fifth grade teacher bought one of these when they were first released. I thought it looked to extravagant and fancy to my brougham-impressionable, pre-pubescent eyes. One day I missed the bus and she drove me home. Knowing nothing about cars, I still remember being completely disappointed by how plain and cheap looking the interior was. Compared to what? The bus? My dad’s bare bones ’77 Impala?
I now own this car and drove it from Oregon to Maryland!!! And and it’s runs so great !
Extremely jealous. I loved mine, except for the anemic straight 6. Had no money for projects when I was young, so sold it. Wanted to install a 5.0 with hidden super charger, 3.55 LSD and a Tremec or equivalent 5 speed. So many dreams so little money. Enjoy.
More tasteful than a Monte Carlo
Never liked the Thundermont. Ford was in trouble and got all their money back from the Fox platform for sure.
A friend a had a Fairmont he bought from Hertz and it was a really dependable car.
Although this car looks like a tarted-up Fairmont, and appears to share Fairmont hard points, none of the sheetmetal (except maybe the roof) interchanges with it. I’m mostly ok with the shape, except for the thick toupee vinyl roof. Somehow the exposed wipers look déclassé on this car; GM and Chrysler managed to include hidden wipers on their downsized PLCs.
One subtle indicator that this is a 1980 model and not an ’81 or 82 is the front bench seating that appears to allow 3-across seating, though there are only belts for two. A new law that took effect starting with ’81 models prohibited a usable seating position that didn’t have a seat belt, which resulted in the padding in the middle seating area being replaced by twin cubbies or power seat controls on ’81-82 models. Just as well, as the huge center hump and lower dash controls left little space for legs. In back, there was a fixed hump in the center position that served as an armrest.
Delete the padded vinyl roof and it’s not a bad looking car for the times….
That was designed by automotive stylists? Were they six years old? Kind of reminds me of how I drew battleships when I was six years old before I grew up.
This is another example of an unpopular old car that is found in very good original condition. The design of the car can be debated, but as mentioned it is interesting because they are no longer seen very often. I waited for the new aero ’84 model when I bought mine. It was a stylish, (I thought) very nice, quiet, plush car. With zero interest, I wouldn’t even pay cash, though the price is low enough. This Cougar, unlike the Cordoba is low enough that it could be bought by somebody looking for cheap transportation.
I think the Fox platform was Ford’s k-car. In fact, it absolutely was. Everything from the stripper 4-cylinder to the Mark VII was in the family tree. I think two things contribute to the k maintaining some infamy where the Fox doesn’t: the Mustang – there was a beloved sports car based on it (I don’t think you can say that of the Daytona) – and then the Taurus showed up and wiped the board clean. Both were decent platforms for what they were, it’s just that Ford had the resources and good fortune to break free of the platform while it was just entering obsolescence, while Chrysler had to ride it a lot longer and harder. That said, the Fox platform actually lasted the longest by a decade, albeit in heavily modified form, and only in the Mustang.
Anyway, the Cougar above isn’t a terrible car… but it is a terrible Cougar. I think of the ideal Cougar as a bit like a Jaguar (yes, the Jaaaag; I don’t think the shared feline nomenclature is an empty coincidence). It should be just the right balance of nice things in a personal/statement car, with style probably being the most make or break. Added to that must be some power, sportiness and luxury. The only one of those boxes that gets ticked with this Cougar is luxury. It’s obviously dated, but still, the interior doesn’t look like a bad place to be. In terms of sportiness, it’s got to be better than its wallowing yacht predecessors, but even the Mustangs of the era were flimsy and underwhelming understeermobiles. At least with a 5.0, even of that era, it would have been OK – although not even hitting 150hp is pretty lame. The 4.2 was just a V8 check in the box; even the tiny 221 (3.6L!) original SBF made more power. Still this could have been a passable Cougar if it had enough style. But the only style statement it makes is “70s-era malaise-box.” The look immediately makes my mind jump to the Dodge Diplomat my Great-Grandpa had. Neither is particularly ugly, but both definitely have the look of… something your grandpa would drive. And I mean when they were brand new; nobody under 50 bought one. That said, there’s definitely a retro chic to this kind of car. You could imagine a well-dressed hipster with horn-rim glasses turning up in one. That said, part of the allure would be driving something without one bit of youthful pretense, and you could argue the “Cougar” badge spoils that. Ultimately, if you want a true Cougar, you’d never buy this car, and if you want this car, you don’t really want a Cougar. I don’t know what tier sits just below automotive “deadly sin,” but I think this car is in it.
$29.95 yeah ok, add shipping then compliance and youre well past 10k on this $1500 car.
Can never see one of these Fox-platform Cougars except to remember the first time I encountered one, as the brand-new car of a true Herb Tarlick-character of a salesman for a sportswear garment manufacturer I had the misfortune to work for in 1980. A self-absorbed, self-important, loudmouth blowhard in plaid slacks, Izod golf shirt and obvious toupee. He was the exact man they had in mind when Ford cynically tarted-up a Mercury Zephyr and pasted the Cougar nameplate on it. A pretentious dishonest car for a blowhard zero of a man!