Curbside Find: 1962 Ford Falcon – Birdie Num-Num

Ah, the Falcon. Has Detroit produced anything blander in the blessed decade of the ‘60s? Maybe AMC, but they were the underdog. Ford, on the other hand, should have been able to devise a compact with a little spice like the Corvair, or a little character like the Valiant. But no, they did this.

The only redeeming feature, externally, are the afterburner taillights – those are a ‘50s/’60s Ford staple and objectively awesome. But man, is the rest of that poor car dumpy and boring.

At least, it is in this four-door guise. The two-door is a bit better, the convertible is better still and I guess the wagons look decent as well. Not to mention the myriad derivatives that the Falcon begat: the Ranchero, the Comet, the Econoline, the Mustang, as well as the foreign Falcons, especially the long-lived Argentinian and Ozzie cousins. For an unexciting econobox, this Ford sure had a lot of alter egos.

It rather puts me in mind of certain very good actors who actually “disappear” in their roles. The Falcon is like Peter Sellers, who claimed he had his personality “surgically removed” and could therefore take on the role of a dim trade unionist, a creepy Nazi scientist, a bumbling French policeman, a faux James Bond, an incompetent Indian actor or an idiot-savant gardener seemingly with equal ease.

The thing about Sellers is that, in real life, he was apparently impossible to deal with. He was mercurial, narcissistic, mean and self-destructive – but the comedic talent he displayed was outstanding. His triple role in Dr Strangelove (perhaps my favourite of his films) as the American President, a British officer and the eponymous German mad scientist has to be seen to be believed. Yet the man himself was a mess.

The Falcon was not a mess, but it was a blank slate, a tidy placeholder of a car. I may be mixing my metaphors a bit, but Ford managed to use, re-use and this bland bird’s meat, skin and bones in the next couple of decades with tremendous skill.

So compliments to the chef. Turning this dull dodo into a multi-faceted Falcon à la king was the ultimate conjuring trick. Or, as Peter Sellers would have said back in 1968, “Birdie num-num.”

 

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