images by William Rubano
(first posted 3/18/2016)
3M’s DI-NOC Architectural Finishes have graced many a fine Wagon Queen Family Trucksters (in the generic sense), but there’s little doubt in my mind that this Marquis Colony Park used more square feet than any other production wagon. Or have I forgotten an even woodier one? Well, dark wood “paneling” was the hot thing in the seventies, and folks were covering up the cracked plaster in their old houses (and newer ones too) by the square mile. And what better way to haul home stacks of 4×8 paneling from the home improvement store than in a matching Colony Park?
I don’t have to remind you, do I? It was everywhere…
Like a plague descended on the land.
Don’t get me wrong; I like wood, and genuine wood on the walls, when done properly, can be very tasteful. But this stuff was fake and plasticky, and depressing.
Maybe that’s why I’ve struggled with these wood paneled wagons. But I’ve finally detoxed all the formaldehyde that I inhaled from all those depressing paneled apartments in Iowa City, and can at last look at it (the wagon) without feeling my bronchials tighten up. I suppose the same applies to big Fords and Mercuries of this era too, as most of you know by now. I’ve come to appreciate them (from a distance) as the cultural artifacts that they are, even if it is a culture I struggled with (more like against) at the time.
Unfortunately, looking at this shot of this interior isn’t helping much. Sorry; I’m just not a fan of this dark pseudo-club house look. And there’s not enough “wood” on the doors.
But then there’s the front end, without a whit of wood-grain DI-NOC to be seen. And there’s even hidden headlights, as a consolation to those that are missing it already. The Family Truckster did have wood on its hood.
No wood, but there is vinyl, padded even, on the headlight covers. What a brilliant idea: padded headlight covers (Update: I’ve been told they’re not really padded. So they’re fake padded headlight covers; even worse). The Mercury designers were really on a roll in the seventies. And there’s the Marquis deMercury’s coat of arms, too, right in the middle of them. Wow. Now I’m really breathless. And speechless.
Di-Noc was great at covering parking lot dings and dents.
Never a fan of the Brontosaurus class cars in general, or wagons, but maybe they did have something going for them, the ability to carry a 4X8 sheet of plywood, paneling etc. With the 4 door pickups that are so popular today, damn few pickups can carry a 4X8 sheet of stuff.
I’d never heard of the term Di-Noc before, but I probably have a roll of it. I acquired it when a cousin of mine who did real and fake auto wood restoration passed away. I was temped to put some on a BMW E28 I had for a decade and had become bored with, at the bottom of it’s value. I thought a woodie, even fake woodie, BMW would be cool. But I just sold it instead. I did put a small piece as a test on top of the recycling barrel. It’s faded slightly, but hasn’t broken down. Face up, full sun and rain for 13 years. How come the stuff on car exteriors didn’t hold up this well?
For some reason I always thought Ford and Mercury did the best with their 1960’s and 1970’s Di-Noc, especially on a white, nicely chromed vehicle like a Country Squire or Colony Park, trimmed in light or medium brown brocade seats. The coolest moms picked up or delivered their kids in these things (aka “Stacy’s Mom Has Got It Going On”). The cars always seemed to smell better too – if Stacy’s mom smoked, she didn’t do it in the car. And just then the medium blue baby-mooned Dodge Coronet wagon with the sticky and stinking vinyl seats pulled up and the fantasy was over….
“Mom! That weird old car is looking at me!”
Are those headlight covers supposed to be alligator skin? The hits just keep on comin’!
Dad did up the basement in fake wood panelling in the early ’70s. I added carpet squares in a yellow, orange and black Persian pattern that curled up within months on the concrete. Love that glorious Football Watching Guys disaster. I can just see that as a tableau vivant– the stage curtains pulling away to reveal those guys trying hard to maintain their animated poses. It’s a minimalist version of an ad agency He-man Woman Hater’s Club: “I found a bowling trophy we can put on the TV. Turn the mustard bottle sideways, Jack — this isn’t a Gulden’s ad we’re shooting…”
Those shots of the 70s house is like the one my folks bought in 1979, right down to the pattern on the floor covering.
I think those guys are laughing at how small his ‘brand new color TV’ is. Probably an ad about how you can buy a bigger/better one for the same cost. Any self-respecting family had one of those ginormous 500 pound consoles that they bought at Sears or Montgomery Wards with a 19″ TV screen and a record player / 8 track sound system under the hinged wood top.
I had a 1975 Mercury Marquis Colony Park wagon and I loves it! My friends all made fun of it because of the woodgrain paneled sides. But it was the go to car when we all wanted to go places together. It was a white with high quality vinyl interior. It had every available option including ATC. The system, and the headlight doors were powered by engine vacuum, it worked well and had a smooth slow action, very cool. My friends called the headlight doors padded upholstered looking doors. The ATC system made hissing and weeding sounds as it automatically adjusted the temperature and 8 fan speeds. When I attempted to replace the woodgrain panels, I learned way more than I ever imagined. Mercury changed the color of the woodgrain panels every year. The Colony Park woodgrain did not have the black lines on it like the Squires had. For the woodgrain to blend with the color of the car, there were clear areas in the grain to allow the color of the car to blend with the paint, who knew, and the chrome trim went with the upscale styling of Mercury over Ford. The wagon required 9 panels of the DiNoc that were packaged in cardboard rolls. I cleared the entire country of the 75 Colony Park panels. It took about 3 months to find them all, but when I did, the car looked brand new. The mighty Ford 460 was a perfect fit to the full-size Mercury wagons. And yes I could lay several sheets of 4×8 panels in the car with the back seat down, I was impressed. The Colony Park was the Lincoln station wagon that Lincoln never offered. It was elegant and stylish like a Lincoln and shared the same high quality interior materials with Lincoln, including the thick shagg brown carpeting. I kept the engine in top operating condition at all times. That 460 would power my wagon at 75, 80 on highways and could climb the steep grades of the High Sierras with power to spare, although it would sometimes lose vacuum to power the accessories in the higher altitude of the Sierras, but I was told because it was a California car it could have been down jetted in the carburetor and that would fix the vacuum loss at high elevations. I never did that because I thought it would have hurt engine performance and I wasn’t willing to that because I was very impressed with the power the 460 provided. I would consistently get 10 mpg no matter the driving conditions, and for a big car with a big engine I thought that the 10 mph was acceptable after all that was a big American luxury car and those cars were about class, not gas. I hated to see the wagons go. I know I’m not the only one that does, the introduction of the SUVs as our new station wagons never really happened. I never bought that for a minute. I would like to see the return of the Big American wagons with today’s technology, and I’ll take mine with the woodgrain paneled sides thank you very much. Yes, if course it looks fake, we all know that. But those big beautiful American Luxury wagons were an American family status symbol, and the woodgrain paneled sides are a very important part of the symbol. I say do what you will with the boring SUVs, and bring us back our beloved station wagons, woodgrained or not, but as I said, I’ll take mine with. And one more thing while I’m talking about bringing back cars, I want the Big Three bring back sedans along with the wagons. The Big Three say Americans don’t buy sedans, that’s just not true. Check it out the next time you’re stopped at àn intersection, you will see tons of sedans, and wagons, problem is they’re all foreign. I hate that! We are at an automotive crossroads. While we are dealing with EVs but we now see they’re not the answer. I say stick with the ICE, but with a different combustible fuel, sometimes that’s clean burning fuel. I know that is what we need. To this day my 75 Colony Park still ranks as one of my all-time favorites. I miss it