When Willie Nelson released “Ten with a Two” in 1990, he wasn’t singing about shopping for a Camaro, but the concept of coming home with something that belies a drunken first impression isn’t indigenous merely to those who are accustomed to the art of the “Third Rate Romance.” Smart used car shoppers will also preach the following: “Don’t buy a used car in the dark.” Whoever buys this IROC-Z I recently found on the lot of a local Cadillac dealer would be well-advised to wait for a sunny day to do it in order to avoid any Sunday morning surprises.
Things may be different in other parts of the United States, but here in the Upper Midwest, 1987 hasn’t totally gone away. Men and women who called that heady period their heyday still seem to visit the same hairdressers, clothing stores, and taverns as they did during those halcyon days of their youth. Classic rock stations still abound and the IROC-Z has never gone out of style. Mistakes are most assuredly still being made on those beer-stained dancefloors of corner bars throughout our pleasant peninsula; therefore, Willie Nelson certainly had his finger on the pulse of humankind, even if the years haven’t necessarily been kind to the message.
And that is why one must be on one’s guard when approaching this fire-engine red Camaro. Aside from a flat tire and some unfortunate window tinting, it looks like a tempting piece of 1980s American boldness, if one appreciates that sort of thing.
Unhappily for our hypothetical Whitesnake-loving, Camaro-buying protagonist, however, the ruse is up as the door is opened. These moldering spiderwebs are only the front line in what is a veritable battalion of wickedness.
One is greeted by the scent before the visual onslaught of rancid midwestern stereotypes. A box housing a six-by-nine, a Mountain Dew twenty-ouncer, suspicious bottles of liquid that have emerged from beneath the driver’s seat? Doc Brown’s DeLorean has been superseded by a blue-collar substitute, and it’s visited 2020.
The rear passenger compartment pales in comparison to the front, but nobody wants to know what has stained the front driver’s seat, nobody at all. After all, there are no T-tops on which to blame water leaks.
On the surface, the Camaro seems to be wearing a tempting odometer reading, but nobody knows the truth of that number, and one might not know until it’s simply too late.
Once a potential buyer closes the door to stifle the stench, s/he might notice that the IROC has been repainted. Aside from a small run, it’s a decent job, but sloppy. Apparently, someone decided that masking anything below the beltline was an extravagance – note that even the tire was not safe from overspray.
An interesting feature on third-gen Camaros is the location of the trunk lock – it’s behind a hinged license plate bracket. This was also the case on the second generation cars, but the license plate also obscured the gas cap, giving the design some meaning. This just seems like a waste of time.
Regardless of the details, I first noticed this Camaro on a Saturday evening walk, and these pictures were appropriately taken on a Sunday morning. In the cold light of day, one’s choices can no longer be justified by excuses, and I was fortunate to not be led astray by bad decisions. No worries here, gentle reader – I am not the Camaro buying protagonist.
Lest one think that I have an inflated opinion of myself or that I couldn’t be led astray by a bright red F-Body, however, let me assure you that I too am guilty of a late night transgression of my own. The next morning was rough, but when dealing with red F-Bodies, there’s nothing to say that one can’t turn a 2 into a 10 over time.
Great post! I had to look up the lyrics for “Ten With A Two”, as I was unfamiliar before today. Fits perfectly.
I was laughing as I read your description of the Upper Midwest. With absolutely nothing but love for my Genesee County, Michigan roots, there are some aspects that seem frozen in the ’80s, but not altogether in a bad way. I think this may have had something to do with the fact that that’s when all the GM money was still rolling in.
As for the stain on the driver’s seat, I think it’s probably something more innocent (still a little gross) as stain from the driver holding a coffee or a pop between the legs. I don’t see visible cupholders on that console. I used to do that all the time in my ’88 Mustang.
I’ll go on record as saying I still think of the IROC Camaros as cool. They were hot by the time I hit middle school, and I still fondly remember them that way.
“I still think of the IROC Camaros as cool.”
I totally agree…as much as I was having fun with this car in particular, I’d totally drive an IROC today.
I agree too, these are cool. They have moved long past the beater stage around here so mostly nice ones are left. The 80s pony cars really seem to be moving up in desirability lately.
I love the pic of the Firebird and Camaro Camaro together.
I’m going out on a limb and guessing that one of the service techs picked this up for a song, maybe a trade in, and he keeps meaning to “get around to it”.
It seems like some dealerships have pretty lax policies about what they let techs store on the property, and use the shop for after hours.
Great, if we could clean out the interior with a firehose we’d be getting somewhere.
As much as my 80’s teenager self still likes these, I’m glad I never woke up with one 🙂
An IROC without t-tops seems fairly rare, but even though I once owned one, I am not crazy about red over red cars.
But still, would be interesting to pick this up, and eventually flip it.
Looking for something positive to say about this, I was just about to mention how impressive it is to see one with the side window defogger vent cover still attached. But then I noticed the door handle trim and A-pillar molding on the passenger side. Pretty typical “build quality” for this generation.
I was test driving one of these the same color from a used car lot, probably around 1997, and at a intersection while fully stopped, a cop looked right at me. NOPE. I took it back and looked for something less cop-baitesque. I cannot enjoy driving if I’m paranoid about getting a blue-light special for things that another car would get a pass on or for a moment’s inattention.
Just remember that at one time your Firebird was held in the same low regard. Granted that these will probably never reach that level of desirability, primarily due to the weak powertrains, poor quality, and lack of a legendary movie role. Still this is a well preserved example, especially the front seat upholstery. I like it much better than black. This was the very best Camaro available that year, with the best suspension, brakes and motor. The lack of T tops or the addition of a cheap pop up sun roof is a real plus. I like the design of these models and aside to the typical F body issues of overly long doors, it could be a satisfying driver. Clean the junk out, pull the seats to shampoo the carpet and upholstery, give it a good scrubbing and airing out, and the disgust factor will diminish to nothing. I’ve seen and even bought worse.
I think third-gens are already on their way up. Nicer IROCs are actually fetching some pretty real money these days.
This particular one would put you underwater pretty quickly, but I’ve never owned something that didn’t.
When this was the thing, my 80’s teenager ride was a still-fairly-attractive 1978; but I will forever grind an axe because in 1986 my first real girlfriend left me for a well-off kid whose parents bestowed upon him a new Z28 every year.
Oh sure, I went on to much bigger and better things from that low point, but it still smarts.
So true. As a lifelong Minnesotan who graduated High School in 1991 I can attest to your commentary on midwest americana. Having not heard the term 6×9 since high school I got a big chuckle out that. My HS friend purchased his first car, an early eighties Cutlass Supreme at dusk because the seller “absolutely cannot get off work early.” He fell in love with it and bought it. The next two weeks he wouldn’t stop kvetching about never buying a car at night. Unseen rust and dings being his biggest beef. However it was reliable and could do one wheel wonder burnouts in the school parking lot.
To readers outside america I cannot overstate how perfectly this car encapsulates middle america opportunities of past and habits many have picked up since it’s date of manufacture. Fast food, Mountain Dew (of which I drink way to much of the diet kind) what appear to be perscription bottles (four friends dead of opioid overdose in ten years) newspaper clippings (likely now shuddered independant), portable cassette player (U2 Joshua Tree? Not likely but that album IS america) among life’s detritus.
This thing belongs in a museum.
“Having not heard the term 6×9 since high school I got a big chuckle out that.”
Same. Same.
I forgot these sported the GM “stalk of hatefulness” with every possible ancillary function crammed onto one stalk and none of them easy to invoke with just a light touch until I saw it front and center in your seventh pic…
It looks decent from 20 feet (and 1100 miles) away, on the outside at least, but hoo boy that interior does it no favors, you are correct. Still, red seatbelts, a $500 option at any Porsche dealer but standard here is worth a mention. I never realized there was a trunk lock, that looks like fun to awkwardly crouch down to unlock on a rainy evening to open it for the groceries and suitcase of Keystone Light, I always assumed there was only an internal release a la Audi Coupe GT.
Thanks for sharing, that one’s staying well away from Casa de Klein.
I never knew that either about the trunk lock… I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen anyone using it, or I would have remembered. But like you say, it seems like quite an effort, which is likely why all that stuff just wound up in the back seat area instead.
When you opened the drivers door did it have the genuine GM squawking door hinges? Funny how that’s what I remember about this gen f body. EZ fix for sure and yet so many owners ignore it until the hinges are shot.
I’ve already forgotten!
Enjoyable read, but that appears to be a subwoofer and not a 6″×9″ speaker.
If it was cheap and ran well, I’d drive it.
After a very complete cleaning and hazmat decontamination protocol. Talking something like that big green beam that decontaminated the Enterprise “D” that one time.
Until I got tired of being at ground level and beating my spine to death on our bombed-like-The-Blitz roadways.
Too bad the Mulletteers ran these and their legacy into the ground.
They are still attractive when tidied up.
Not bad for a low-rent rendezvous, if one cleans out the interior while wearing a biohazard suit. But any serious romance with this car will leave a buyer with some old-fashioned pain of some sort or another.
And wow, I remember lots of folks’ cars back around 1987 with exactly that kind of detritus (OK, maybe not the pill bottles, but everything else) filling up the floorboards… front and back.
Thanks for the time travel back to 1987!
This would be, for me, more of a Halloween costume than a car.
I love my 8 out of 10 red IROC. Great article .
Nice car – you don’t see too many convertibles.
1985 Iroc Z 38,000 original miles, garaged kept. $16000
My main complaints about my ’86 Iroc were:
1. Lack of power, partially remedied, but not completely. A friend of mine was putting 5.3 LS engines in 3rd Gen F Bodies and I was extremely tempted to buy one of them.
2. Endless computer and sensor issues. Most were fixed under the emissions warranty. About the 5th year I had it, most of the problems seemed to stop.
3. Squeaks and rattles everywhere, especially when the interior was cold. I spent a lot of time doing sound deadening by shooting silicone into and putting foam weatherstripping under panels to shut them up. Compared to my ’79 Trans Am, the Iroc was just amazingly noisy. By the end of my almost 7 year ownership, I had about 90% of the noises eliminated. At least it didn’t have T-Tops, I don’t think anything can help one of those with noise issues.
I really liked the looks and actual driving the car. The rear drum brakes needed to be upgraded, and I was kind of shocked the weak rear end didn’t show any signs of distress during the time I had it. I had planned to put one of the Ford 9″ rears in it when the original failed, but even the posi was still functioning. It blew a head gasket soon after I sold it to a friend of a friend, and he had little trouble with it until he was about to sell it after his wife became pregnant, when it blew both head gaskets and one of the heads was found to have a crack in it. He traded it to the dealer for a new S10 Blazer, forgetting he was supposed to let me match the trade in price and have it back.I last saw it about a year ago, still looks good in it’s maroon paint. Both myself and the second owner kept it out of the snow, so even when he got rid of it about 1996? it still looked great.