One piece of advice I wish I could give my younger self is that having “cool” friends is overrated. By “cool”, I mean in the image-conscious sense of the word where appearance and social standing are of paramount importance, in that age bracket generally between adolescence and young adulthood. I’ve written here about some of my experiences growing up and certain challenges I had faced, but in the big picture, many of us had some unique obstacles to overcome that were specific to our own, respective situations. We may have been on the receiving end of poor treatment from time to time, but the reality is that just as many of us, self included, had made others feel bad with our own actions and words.
What’s done is done and we must give ourselves grace. This isn’t meant to shirk off personal accountability, but both the good and bad are part of the socialization process and finding our place in the world. I think of myself as always having had an innate sense of inclusiveness when it comes to others, but there are definitely people in my past (friends, acquaintances, schoolmates, etc.) to whom I wish I could apologize for things I did or said that I’m pretty sure made them feel terrible. In some cases, it may not have even been an act that I committed, but an omission of an action that could have improved a situation or a missed opportunity to advocate for someone else who was on the receiving end of something negative.
As I type this, I’m thinking less of high school and more about my college years and living in the dorms. At some point in the middle of freshman year, I had decided to chuck out much of my clean-cut image with a decidedly alternative way of thinking, being, and personal presentation. While I’ve always had a decent ability to judge character, there have been times when those skills have faltered and I was more concerned with fitting in with “cool” people than with being genuine and staying true to who I am at my core. (It often takes just as much effort to look like you don’t care.) Others who have been less concerned with outward-projecting image have often proven themselves to be the most rewarding to know and to invest in emotionally.
I got along with most of the guys on my dorm floor pretty well, but there always seemed to be a few who were super-smart, kept to themselves, and were more reserved, who I usually didn’t make that much effort to try to get to know. I regret that. I understand and sometimes identify with it when people have varying levels of social ease, but who doesn’t want to be invited or included to participate in card games or James Bond movie marathons in the TV room? I’m not trying to make it sound like I was the key social director, or anything, but I know from my own personal experiences with feeling alienated that sometimes it takes just one person or experience at a pivotal moment to help one start to steer the ship away from a negative self-view and potentially disastrous consequences. People don’t go postal for no reason. Feeling unloved is a certain kind of existential torture.
The majority of my alternative- / counterculture-leaning friends were decent people. In hindsight, I think some of us had bonded initially over our feelings of being outsiders, with the other (sometimes questionable) things we did for recreation being genuinely in pursuit of what we thought was fun at the time. There were definitely some toxic people in my various social circles who were fun, hip, looked good on the outside, and whom many seemed to worship, but proved themselves not to be good for me or my well-being. “Substance over style” was something that had to be reinforced within me from life experience.
This ’83 Accord hatchback is here to represent for those who study, like it, are perfectly content in their own company, are totally predictable, reliable, efficient, and do everything dynamically well… and elicit the excitement factor of a pair of rectangular, wire-rimmed eyeglasses from Sears. These are the folks who, unlike the human equivalent of a flashy, same-year, U.S.-market Ford Escort GT, quietly go on to build strength upon strength and end up ruling the world. If someone was to show me a picture right now of Bill Gates behind the wheel of an ’83 Accord hatchback like this one, I wouldn’t even so much as blink.
Paul Niedermeyer has already written a comprehensive article on a similar ’83 Accord that’s a great reference point for objective learning about these cars. I do understand they were respected on the west coast, and that they were an effective antidote to the general ineptitude of many domestic, small car offerings of the previous decade through the early ’80s. I grew up in Flint, Michigan, birthplace of General Motors, where drivers of imports were the regular recipients of visual daggers being stared into them, being seen as both treacherous and foolish for purchasing something without the style of, say, a Chevy Cavalier Type 10 hatchback. That Cavalier, though, was inferior to this Accord in many ways, and though I like the style of the Cavalier three-door relative to other cars in its size class, I also recognize that looks are subjective.
The second-generation Accord was the first Japanese-branded car to be built in the United States, with production of the four-door sedan starting in November of ’82 in Marysville, Ohio. The ’83 Accord was named to Car And Driver’s very first “Ten Best” list that year. For ’82 and ’83, the Accord was powered by a 1.8 liter four-cylinder engine with 75 horsepower (which would be increased to 86 horsepower for ’84 with a slight increase in displacement). A five-speed manual transmission was standard, with a four-speed automatic introduced for ’83 to replace the previous year’s three-speed unit. Just six model years later, the ’89 Accord would be the best-selling passenger car in the United States. Take another look at the pictures of this cute-but-terminally-dorky Accord hatchback and let that sink in for a minute.
I’m thankful for the life I’ve been blessed with, warts and all, but every once in a while I’ll wonder what had happened to some of the more quiet, studious individuals with whom I used to share space in some capacity. Some of them have gone on to do significant, broadly impactful things. Being smart and applying oneself and being socially active and adept aren’t mutually exclusive, which isn’t the picture I’m trying to paint here. It’s just when I had spotted this Accord hatchback a few years ago, several thoughts crossed my mind. The first was how long it had been since I had seen one of these, let alone in condition this nice. The other was how unbelievable it seemed that a car with such an understated skin could have gone on to dominate the market only a few years and one generation later. The ’83 Accord may not have looked cool, but in the end, nothing is cooler than success.
Bowmanville, Chicago, Illinois.
Saturday, April 24, 2021.
I had an ’83 hatch 5M once a long time ago. Light blue like in the ad. Those 75 horses were pretty darn zippy.
I could believe it. And I’m sure it was just as much the responsiveness of the engine as the fact that the car weighed just 2,200 pounds.
Thank you for a tremendously thought-provoking (nothing new there) essay, Joe. The ability to reflect so clearly on prior periods in your life and to do the work to make meaning out of that, along with creating enjoyable writing for your audience to read, is a major talent.
I would have loved to have one of those dorky Accords in 1983. I knew some folks in college, or close to college, who did; but they were either more successful or more intelligent than me at the time…so I no doubt did dismissed them like I did most things in my 20s that I was not able to achieve. Being able to look back on that kind of foolishness (mine) now is one of the blessings of life. Being able to reflect meaningfully on it is something that needs to be learned. Hopefully everyone learns how to do that in their own way. But I’m not so sure that always happens.
Your points about dorm life, or more broadly college, are good. Finding oneself mixed in with such a variety of people…and then carving a path for how to fit in (even if “fitting in” was ostensibly standing apart) is what I would contend is perhaps the major benefit of college as it was constructed in our culture as of the mid-20th century. Of course there are other ways to acquire those benefits – maybe the armed forces provided something similar for the (at least male) generations before the mid-20th century — but there are few that are/were as accessible to such large segments of our population. (definitely noting that “large segments” notably does not include everyone it should)
At any rate, it is a wonderful thing to look back on where we’ve all wound up (at least for now) in separate journeys that intersected for a handful of very formative years in our pasts.
Thank you so much, Jeff. I seem to remember these Hondas as having remarkable residual value to the extent that when I was in college, an Accord hatchback would have been several years older than other cars on the dorm lot and cost the same money.
So, there were guys like me that wanted economical versions of nominally sporty cars (like my four-cylinder Mustang) over older, practical, unexciting cars like these.
I feel like the plurality to which I was exposed during dorm life “saved” me socially, in many ways. I’m thankful for all of it, mistakes and all.
Another thoughtful and well written essay .
The basic “form follows function” mindset sadly has been lost .
I remember these when new, good cars by any measure,that they were also fun and economical to operate was just extra icing on the cake .
There are still a few of these rolling ’round Southern California, they always bring a smile to my face .
-Nate
Thank you, Nate. I didn’t have any significant experience with Hondas of the ’80s outside of a test drive and riding in one that belonged to a friend. What I do remember was how responsive the engine was, and how solid and precise everything felt – including the sound the doors made when closed.
I still love that a same-generation Civic hatchback made an appearance in Pulp Fiction, one of my favorite movies of all time.
I really wanted a second gen Accord hatch in that color, when they first came out in the Fall of 1981. But I refused to pay for ScotchGard, pinstriping and Polyglycoat paint protection, so I found an unadorned new ‘82 Civic at another dealer for sticker price. And though I was four years out of college then, I probably wasn’t cool nor had been. In fact I still have no interest in card games nor in James Bond. Though come to think of it, I did trade in my short-lived TransAm for the Civic, so maybe that was some kind of personality transition for me.
Good move, Scotchgard turned out to be potentially toxic and an environmental menace (it’s been reformulated since).
Trans Am to Civic definitely counts as a significant transition. I have never driven either, though I’m sure I would enjoy either experience even if for nothing else than a personal point of reference.
I was into significant transitions back then, as I had traded a Scirocco for that TransAm only 10 months earlier.
Right on. Here’s to exercising the prerogative to try different things as we see fit.
I also just wanted to clarify with respect to the activities in my dorm floor’s TV room that it wasn’t so much about the activities taking place (I.e. card games, etc ). I wasn’t necessarily into sports (watching or playing) or other things many of the guys were into. When games were on, I could take it or leave it.
I was talking more about the difference between politely declining an invitation and not having been asked to participate at all. I’m sure some people figured out that I didn’t care about certain things and thus stopped asking me to join, but at least it had been my option at some point. I also know what it feels like not to even be asked, and it hurts.
“Terminally dorky”
Well put. 83 Accord definitely not one of the cool kids. More like the hard worker who has an after school job then goes home and spends the night doing homework. A few years later he gets in a really good college, a few years after that he lands a great job on his way to big success.
High school is a tough time. I think everyone who was not a 100% outcast can regret how they treated others at times. Teens are inherently harsh to each other as well as inherently sensitive. Not a happy combination!
“I wish I could apologize for things I did or said that I’m pretty sure made them feel terrible.”
I suspect I should apologize even more for things I wasn’t even aware of at the time. I’ve occasionally been made aware of something I said or did (or didn’t say or do) that I found out later really bothered or hurt someone. I can be pretty oblivious and I’m sure I was worse in high school.
Thank you, Jon. And you make some great points. Young adulthood is just a tough time to navigate, a cauldron of sorts with all kids of stuff going on. I have sometimes been surprised when someone has mentioned something to me that happened years ago in which I hurt their feelings. To your point, sometimes I was completely unaware. I’ll offer that I’m sincerely sorry (not “I’m sorry you felt that way”, which is not an apology), and appreciate the fact that someone thought enough about me to share this with me in present day.
I think to myself often how blessed I am to have connected with some certain friends on social media, especially if something had gone down in the past. Forgive and be forgiven, as appropriate.
Those tires look new!
You know, I did another license plate search when I was writing this to see if there was any other information I wanted to include in this essay… and nothing came up that time! I hope the car was merely sold and not totalled.
Dorky? I prefer the word quiet to describe those in high school. I was a tall, very thin, quiet teenager in high school. The first two years I, and others like me and there were some, were the ones who were the targets of whatever. The others naturally were the ones I associated with. Very good grades, studied, sharp wits though, and not playing any sports.
Then in the second half of my junior year I am able to now drive and arrive in my 68 Cougar putting all to shame with their older cars. Now while they wore jeans and t-shirts to class I was in khakis and blue buttondown dress shirts. Why? I also now had a job that paid 4x minimum wage and I had more money than any in my class. Didn’t change me and I stayed in the crowd I was always comfortable with. What is funny is to look at signatures in my final yearbook and seeing some of those ass____ signing my book and calling me Mr. Cougar Man now. Yep, and so long buster I’ll never deal with you again…
So sign me up for one of these hatchbacks today if there is one in great condition.
Funny you should mention the ’68 Cougar, because that’s the scale model I’ve been looking for recently. Good on you for figuring out more of who you and your people were at that age. That certainly wasn’t me. There were some cool cars in my high school parking lot (like Sherry’s mint, triple-white ’71 Grand Prix), but your Cougar would have gotten much of my *respect*.
(This one’s in my ‘to build’ stack. 🙂 A 57-year-old original.)
A thought-provoking essay. Like most people, I was not my best self during high school, but I managed to survive that tumultuous period and move on. About the best that could be said is that it set me up for college, which was a much better experience for me. In contrast to high school, I made some lifelong friends at university who I still count among my closest.
Love the comparison of the second-gen Accord hatchback with the quiet, hard-working, extremely competent and perhaps under-appreciated classmate. While that’s not quite who I am, one of my college roommates fits that description to a tee and has gone on to great success as a surgeon. We haven’t connected in a long time, so I hope to see him later this year at a major class reunion.
Thank you, William. I’ll bet that if I took a poll on my personal social media page if anyone thought they were their best self during high school, the results might be 5 – 10%, maybe. I always give thanks for my friendships that have lasted, even through it all. I hope your class reunion is a great one full of reconnections.
I’m with you here. I’d love to be able to go back and apologize to people (and to myself) for a whole host of shallow things and decisions. But I suppose those regrets just go along with getting older and more confident in our genuine selves.
When I attended college in the early 1990s, these 2nd generation Accords were probably the most common car for students to drive. Most were in the kind of condition that this car is in too – well-used but still in decent enough shape to be used regularly. And all of them seemed to be this gray color. Like you wrote, they were predictable and reliable, and plenty of young drivers (and their parents) were glad to sacrifice some excitement for better reliability.
Agree with everything, and I especially liked that you referenced wanting to be able to apologize to *yourself*. I have felt that way sometimes – and accepted my own apology, if that makes sense. It sounds like we were in college around the same time, and I do actually remember my friend Alex had one of these Accord hatchbacks, but like a refreshed ’85 model. There were cooler cars in the dorm parking lot, but I doubt Alex spent a cent on anything other than gas and oil changes.
I think in our teens we’re trying to find a footing in the adult world, like trying to step onto a fast-moving escalator when we’re loaded down with baggage. Suddenly it seems so many new opportunities are open to us, new places, new experiences. A lot depends on how our parents have prepared us for the transition. Do we step forward gracefully and confidently, or fall flat on our face?
Some folk treat us as adults, so we strive to respond in what we think is an appropriate manner. They seem to recognize how we see ourselves, how we’d like to be, and we take a liking to them – which may or may not be a good thing. New friends may not be good friends. We think we’re so smart, but we’re gullible. We lack the sense of discretion, the caution which we later realize is so necessary.
Others still treat us as the children we were, and we’re hurt, resentful, maybe angry. We tend to see people in yes/no terms and judge them accordingly. We don’t realise (or perhaps care) that a thoughtless word from us can cause a lifetime of hurt to another.
That’s unfortunate, because we can miss out on getting to know a lot of interesting people whom we may actually have a lot in common with, if we judge people in terms of whether they’re for or against the issue du jour, whether it be our maturity or anything else.
The Accord never had the impact in Australia it had in the US, but it always came across as a mature, well-engineered car. Would I have bought one? No; at the time I’d have wanted something sportier, possibly a Mazda 626. While the Accord was intelligent choice, if just wasn’t ‘me’.
Peter, there’s so much valuable insight here. I especially like the “escalator” metaphor. I can remember feeling resentful at times both when I felt I was being treated like a child, and also when I was being treated like the “adult” I aspired to be. “You can’t have it both ways.”
“…We can miss out on getting to know a lot of interesting people whom we may actually have a lot in common with, if we judge people in terms of whether they’re for or against the issue du jour.
I have been guilty of this, even as an adult, but also recognize that it can be a tricky balancing act in terms of letting it be known what I stand for (and what I won’t). But, yes, these days, I’m much more interested in understanding people’s point of view and the “why” when we disagree instead of just writing them off wholesale.
The first Mazda 626 coupe is still a beautiful car of its time. I’m always surprised when I see pictures of them now that I didn’t pay more attention to them back then.
Thanks for a great article Joseph.
Great work weaving your personal experiences, with real information about the cars involved.
Thanks again for sharing!
I appreciate this, Peter. Thank you!
So much here! I was definitely not one of the cool kids, but also certainly was not as welcoming as I should have been to those less cool than I was.
As for the car, my years of college and law school saw the rise of the Accord as the car that had won the crown among my age group by 1985. And the CCEffect is strong – a sedan of this generation has been seen at a house in my neighborhood, the first I have seen in years, especially once in such nice condition. Same color, even!
JP, I’m glad you mentioned the color of this one, as it’s the color I remember like 94.5% of them having. I hope you write up the one you saw.
My friend had an ’82, rode in it often till it was totalled in an accident where someone was stealing gravel from the side of the road, and another driver trying to avoid him instead hit my friend’s car in ’89. He’d bought some struts he didn’t have a chance to install yet so he returned them to where he’d bought them. One of our co-workers claimed that one of the video games in a restaurant we frequented (still played video games away from home) sounded like the back of the Accord.
He replaced the Accord with a used ’82 Celica coupe with only 27k miles on it.
I considered buying an Accord in ’86 when I instead bought a GTi, partly due to bundling option packages on the Accord where you had to buy the top LXi trim that year to get fuel injection, but the LXi also came with power locks/windows which I didn’t want (good luck with avoiding them these days) whereas VW came with fuel injection and let you pick individual options in those days…nowdays it seems everything is package or trim level, some (but very few) individual options. So much for “have it your way”.