Curbside Recycling: 1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe – A 1970 4-4-2 It Is Not

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

Lord, won’t you buy me an Oldsmobile sang no one ever, certainly not Janis, and not any of the legions of artists since.  Yet here we were in the times of the New Wave, with Japan Inc. well in its ascendancy, the thawing in relations with the Soviet Empire making global warming look like a hoax, and perms with shoulder pads all over the place in Los Angeles.  Yet what might have been considered a chic little squared-off coupe wearing one of Detroit’s most storied badges barely made a ripple.  At least not on the best, er, I mean West Coast of these here United States of America. 

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

I don’t know that I was quite aware that the Olds Firenza even existed.  Sure, there were J-bodies all over the place, many of the winners of The Price Is Right’s Showcase Showdown did live in SoCal after all or at least had to drive their “prizes” back home from the Television City Complex in Los Angeles through the local area to whatever place they came on down from.

Cavaliers were like cockroaches (and to be avoided likewise), Skyhawks somehow were attractive to those without the means to acquire a 3-series or Baby Benz or whose corporate lease budgets and edicts only allowed for expenditures from the “Domestic” column, Pontiac’s J/2000/Bird-special-name-of-the-week were for those needing more excitement than a T-1000 and my deep thoughts on the Cimarron will remain unwritten this time, it’s a new year.  Did I forget one, I can’t keep track of all the rungs on the ladder, frankly one rung in a ladder looks, feels, and performs much the same as any other when you consider the analogy.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

I earned (ha, more like was assigned), my United States resident birthright golden ticket, AKA my driver’s license, the same year this particular car was built.  I certainly was enamored of cars that a man with a moderate I.Q. wearing a blindfold might touch the sheetmetal of on a dark and stormy night and think were the same as this in 1985, i.e. the Celica, Scirocco, 200SX, etc. and so forth.  I’ll allow those were perhaps somewhat higher priced (to start anyway, yet usually far better equipped), however the Olds badge was at least marketed as somewhat more premium for whatever that’s worth, i.e. not really very much.  Yet those are the rules that are played by so it cuts both ways and the more economy-sized and lower priced offerings were definitely smaller than the Olds.

But rectilinear styling is only skin deep, and garbage goes to the bone.  Or so the saying goes.  There must be a reason my fellow generational peeps are currently bidding up excellent examples of those “competitors” and a myriad of others of the era, yet the J seems to stand for Junk at least as far as those thrusting their money at the online auctions are concerned.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

Now, there’s no doubt that the Coupe is the looker of the bunch, after all the J-car was offered in 2-door sedan, 4-door sedan, 4-door wagon, and this coupe form; none of them were ugly, just maybe not particularly inspired.  Oh, and the Convertible, but not as an Olds, which is the only version that might give the Coupe a (visual) run for its money; at least if the top is down.  Even the Olds’ front isn’t the worst of the litter, the grille-less visage with lots of lights certainly was a predictor of the future for many cars.

Maybe that’s the problem, an Olds being futuristic in any way.  While there actually was still a car with a 4-4-2 badge in 1985 coveted by a few people somewhere near the Ohio/Kentucky border, generally an Oldsmobile of the ’80s is the car brand most likely to be sporting doilies (if Tatra87’s neighbors hadn’t stashed them all away by then in their Laurels, Cedrics, and Crestas) if you were to ask most anyone in the teen to very early 30-something demographic.  Come to think of it, perhaps mostly thought of as your father’s car, now how’d I think of that?

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

Still, as I just said, it WAS the 1980s and Oldsmobile was not yet a complete shadow of its former self.  Anything with a Cutlass badge either front, center, or after the real name still sold like the proverbial hotcakes, and some genuinely interesting shapes and divisional contortions were still in the pipeline before the rocket brand’s launchpad was dismantled for good.  Just not the Firenza.  So what’s the problem?

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

I’ll tell you.  Or at least give you one opinion.  Here’s the 2.0liter inline-4 engine in this car.  This produced a whopping 88 horsepower on average according to the sources I looked at.  It was the base engine relative to the optional 1.8liter inline-4 overhead (single) cam engine that produced 84hp.  Yeah, four less for $50 more.  Uh, alright, every generation does have to learn the “new math” in school and that wonderful 2023-era word “shrinkflation” certainly applies, everything new is old again.  Or something like that.  There was a 2.8l V-6 available that produced 150hp (according to the brochure only) and presumably more torque.  A 4-speed manual was standard with the 2.0l, and a 3-speed automatic was an option.

This car is equipped with said 3-speed automatic and the 2.0, just like I’m speculating most of its ilk for the entire seven year production run did.  It’s a slug.  Meantime the Japanese were producing gems that purred like sewing machines or bigger fours that had truck-like grunt, Germany had a relative stone axe but it would keep going and overall thrilled more the faster you went, with an unburstable feel.  You don’t need a heavy V-6 in a small coupe if you can properly engineer a good four.  A five speed manual was offered but only for the 1.8.  And the 3-speed auto was $475 back then.  All of the competition offered five speed manuals as standard with whatever engines they offered by this time, most every competitor was also on the cusp (the next year in fact) of launching their next generation cars and drivetrains.  Don’t even mention the Olds Calais, which was new for ’85, also a smaller-ish coupe, yet with the least sporty formal roofline this side of a Cougar.  Seeing that Iron Duke abomination in the showroom didn’t help sell anything but more Toyotas across the street, at least on the coasts where not everyone has a family member in a GM factory willing to give out their employee discount plan credential.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

Anyway.  Let’s look inside.  Alright, kind of vaguely promising at first glance.  At least there’s a color, blue.  A lot of blue.  And some black.  Overall it’s actually admirably restrained.  Let’s dive deeper, no letting sleeping dogs lie around here.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

Bucket seats!  Too bad they are as flat as the benches in gym class.  Bolsters, man, bolsters!  Sporty coupe, remember?

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

The back seat does look decently roomy, airy and overall easy to see out of, the cushion perhaps a bit low, but three lap belts to counteract your snapped neck and at least pop out rear windows to vent a little of the baking oven effect all the glass must provide.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

In case you forget which J(unk)-car you are in, the name is right there on the door panel, the armrest looks to be located in the right spot, manual locks and windows (it is only the S model after all, and an S is part of baSe), but there’s still carpet at the bottom for that luxury feel that an Olds must somehow provide.  I mean, to me nothing says luxury like effortless and eager thrusting acceleration, but carpet at the bottom of a door may do the same for others, go ahead, rub that bush if you must!

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

This here though, what’s with the wheel?  To begin, it’s advertised as leather-wrapped, however this one looks to have been attended to by a Jewish Mohel (pronounced “moyle”) soon after its birth on the production line.  And not even on just one end, but somehow on top AND bottom, I’m not even sure how it’s supposed to stay on, it’s shocking, that!

And since I’m already there and can’t be shocked further, the center of the steering wheel looks like two spread legs and a decapitated torso giving birth to a squirming bright red rocket launchin’ right atcha!  Once you see it, there’s no putting that genie back in the bottle.  Yeah, that’s exactly what I want to hold onto and be seeing when I’m trying to slice and dice traffic on the 405 or hang on around the turns of Mulholland.  That thing is hideous, I hope someone got fired.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

There’s that inspired 3-speed shifter assembly that looks like some sort of mailslot with someone’s cane shoved through it and felt about the same to use.  The Bore-O-Matic.  At least this car sports the air conditioning option, a Detroit hallmark that was in fact the standard of the world for many years and might still be.  It also still sports the dual key setup with different keys for ignition and doors.  In some Cadillacs they were even gold (colored, the rich and convincing veneer of Liberace luxury).  Olds and the rest of the peasantry brands (remember what I said about the ladder?) else got silver ones whose plating wore off quickly exposing what I assume was dull brass, all featuring the same GM logo.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

Someone also stepped up and ordered the upgrade radio, mind you it was a small step only, from AM to AM/FM.  No tapes or CDs here.  Four presets and were these the ones where if you pushed two buttons (i.e. 1-2 and 3-4) at the same time you’d get another station preset for a total of six?  The rear defroster was an option (still?), but I’m sure the cigarette lighter was standard.  Uh, maybe I’m not so sure, actually.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

We glimpsed this earlier but here’s the full visage of instrumentation.  Both gauges.  Or “Gages”.  Speedometer and Fuel.  Yay.  And a few lights for the idiots.  Where did anyone in Detroit ever get the idea that a driver was completely disinterested in what their machine was doing?  Oh, that’s right, they could get that but it’d be a few dollars more.  In the meantime let’s remind them with the Dashboard Of Sadness and all of its blank space they could stare at while the speedometer needle inched ever closer to its full monty of 85mph, four full years after the law mandating that was repealed.  By 1985, a Scirocco’s would go to 120mph, a Celica’s to 130, all cars that also were introduced in 1982.  This stuff matters!  Unless, of course, your Coupe has some sort of performance anxiety.  It’s okay (insert hand over mouth coy chuckle emoji here)…

Elapsed mileage on the odometer shows 22,520 and there is no tripmeter, BTW.  I’d like to think this car is on its second go-round of the odometer but it may not be, this may be it for this one.   Maybe that’s why there’s no separate tripmeter, the main one can handle that, nobody wanted to drive this farther than one long trip.  I mean, look at it, it’s dusty inside, somewhat rusty outside, but not exactly “worn” in any way.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

The dashboard has lots of faux stitching, but that was a thing back then that somehow is starting to be coming back into style somehow (the double use of somehow is intentional).  It’s relatively low too, at least the part directly ahead of the passenger, not Honda-low, but decent with a sloped top o’ the dash that isn’t seen today at all anymore.  For some reason the passenger gets TWO vents on the side, bonus!  That’s in addition to their half of the center duo up there where now a screen would be perched.  But come on, screen haters, don’t tell me the base of the windscreen is any lower than where the top of a screen is these days!  The top of the instrument cluster with its two miserable gauges is almost lower than that base.  Come on, I gotta step out of this, I’ll hold the door for you.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

This is a good a time as any to examine the rolling stock…13″ optional “Rallye”-looking wheels with 175/80 Firestone FR440 tires (surely not original?), making for a sidewall of 140mm height.  It’s almost as tall as it is wide.  That gets you your supple ride, I suppose, and will work fine for driving across the midwest without steering for hundreds of miles, but not for taking a curve with verve.  13s were still seen on base economy car models in the mid-80s but rarely with an 80-series, a 175/70 or 185/70 was far more common with the majority heading toward 60s on 14s.

As a side note and my automotive PSA for the year (and, okay, since we are between friends here, a bit of a pet peeve), it seems a large number of people believe that sidewall height of a tire is a constant measurement denoted by the number, i.e a given numerical sidewall is just too low.  Well, it isn’t necessarily, that number is actually a percentage, the actual sidewall dimension differs based on the tread width number.  It’s a percentage of the tread width.  So a 285/45 tire would have a sidewall height of 128mm (285mm width multiplied by 0.45), almost exactly the same sidewall as that of a 255/50 tire or a 215/60 or a 185/70.  The wheel diameter itself is irrelevant in this calculation and measurement.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

What else is there here?  Ah, this one has mudflaps to advertise your steed to all who follow and protect the bodywork from spray and grime, however it seems that horse has long since left the barn.  The whole point of the flap is to divert water away from the metal behind it, adding flaps after rust appears isn’t putting that genie back in the bottle, not even Ol’ Rusty Jones himself could work his magic here.. But if the mileage is low as suspected, perhaps this is more a poor early repair or a leak from the inside out after sitting and leaking in the back?

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

The derriere here is fairly non-descript and certainly inoffensive, lose the badging and the rockets on the taillights and it could be several other cars (and not just several other J-cars I mean).  It’s not bad but not overly captivating in any way either, not that it really needs to be.  The large rear glass though is attractive, as I recall I didn’t think to use the keys that were in the ignition to open it, being far too used to having a handy latch release to the left of the driver’s seat to open it and annoyed that Detroit cheaped out on that too on this semi-higher-end-positioned manufacturer’s coupe.  Hence no picture of the inside of the cargo area this time.  You can google it if you must, I won’t do it for you, consider it my little instance of quiet quitting.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

I’ve actually had this one in the can for some time now, and ran low on gas there for a while.  I’m running a little low again (I can only handle so much excitement!), but perusing a VIN label always perks me up.  It turns out that this one dates from February 1985 and was built in Leeds, Missouri (just outside of KC, MO), apparently the only plant that built the Firenza versions of the J-body, for a total of 282,460 examples over seven model years before the line and the plant itself for that matter were taken down for good.  Look at the bottom right of the VIN label, it says “Pass Car”.  Well, it seems most people did in fact pass on the car.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

From 1982 until the end of the 1987 model year when the Coupe was killed off a total of 57,282 Coupes (hatchbacks like this one) were built.  1985 only had 7,684 Coupes seeing the light of day with the following two years dropping those numbers in about half and then half again.  In ’86 the 2-door sedan (confusingly sometimes also called Coupe) joined the lineup and so for a couple of years there were four variants and for the final 1988 year the O.G. Coupe was dropped leaving just the three others to soldier on.

1985 Oldsmobile Firenza S Coupe

Some will cavalierly debate whether it’s fair to look at a Firenza as a “sporty” coupe like some of the others I mentioned earlier.  In reality, nobody really did, however they could and maybe should have.  Could and should have, that is, if Olds was actually able to add a little verve and zip into its cars (they have the freaking rocket logo plastered all over the car and coming at you from the steering wheel, for crying out loud!).

Yes, there was ostensibly a GT coupe with the V6, how many of those have you seen not in a commercial?  Exactly.  In the end most of the public ignored the Firenza, and likely most weren’t any more aware of it than I was.  Seven model years, four body styles, and just over a quarter million sold.  Few knew, fewer looked, and even fewer purchased.  That spells failure with a capital F.  Hey, just like Firenza itself!

Related Reading:

Ed S. caught a 1986 Coupe and translated its brochure from marketing into reality here

Tom K. was a fan of the Firenza and wrote about its last year here

Paul N. came across what he pondered may have been the nicest one left