Junkyard Contemp(t)lation: Why We Can’t Have Nice Things – Exhibit #25039

1990 Mercedes 300E W124

My eyes!  My eyes!  Once seen, some things can’t be unseen.  Such are the sins of our fellow citizens that defy explanation and are the subjects of this (very) occasional series with another entry; should you have missed the previous entry, it is here.  And the 25,037 exhibits before that one are out there as well, just undocumented.  But you know you’ve seen some of them.  Yeah, you have, you know it.

There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with a 1990 Mercedes 300E (W124 series) which is what’s underneath this abomination.  In fact, it’s one of the best vehicles ever made and something that Mercedes would do well to re-examine and figure out where they went wrong after ending production of the series.  But maybe what happened to this particular one is the reason that we as a people were deemed unworthy of another.  I can’t really argue with that logic.  Well, it’s my logic anyway, so I’m not going to argue with myself.  But I will expound further on this, so get your waders on, it’s gonna get deep…

1990 Mercedes 300E W124

I don’t generally criticize the rides of others when they are on the street, everyone is free to choose their own form of expression, if I don’t like it I can simply avert my eyes, it’s all good.  Once in the junkyard however it’s fair game; after all, it was tossed away instead of being resuscitated and even sticks and stones can’t hurt it any further once here, so a few written words aren’t going to either.

While completely unnecessary on any car, I don’t absolutely hate these tops in principle, at least not a snug fitting one that came that way from the manufacturer and is maintained well.  I wouldn’t necessarily choose the option when spec’ing a new car, mind you, neither today nor the yesteryear that I might wish to emerge into from Doc’s DeLorean, but some cars do look alright with them.  At least the non-padded ones that is, the padded ones just generally look like a full diaper on a 2-year-old.  Blecch!  However, a line must be drawn, ideally with a big fat marker.  And that line is when such a top was not a manufacturer’s option or feature.  There’s no excuse in that case, it’s just wrong, looks wrong, feels wrong, and even if you doubled up on it, two wrongs would not make a right.  Not even on the Florida Panhandle or just south of Colfax or wherever this Mercedes was hobbled, a dealer larding overpriced aftermarket crap on a car is NOT a manufacturer no matter how vital they may *think* they are.

Mercedes did actually make a convertible version of the W124, so if this is trying to emulate that, it failed.  Why?  Well, this example has four doors, the convertible only has two, so that’s kind of a big giveaway.  Yes, I understand the convertible was priced uncomfortably close to twice the cost of the sedan, but that’s no excuse.  You either have the money to play, or you should just buy a Toyota Solara convertible, there’s no shame in that.  And the ultimate point of a convertible is to have the top down, which is just not going to happen with a few scraps of fabric glued to a solid top.

1990 Mercedes 300E W124

If you feel I’m a little down on this thing, well, you are an astute individual, give yourself a hug to celebrate.  But I can appreciate the details, such as the overlapping fabric and the stainless trim with snap buttons.  Snap buttons that have nothing to be buttoned to, but, well, yeah.  It’s like getting breast augmentation and adding five nipples to either side.  Just because you can doesn’t mean you should, right?  Right?  RIGHT?  But I digress (even as I try to visualize that).

1990 Mercedes 300E W124

Maybe I am totally off-base on the fabric version of a vinyl top with the snaps trying to emulate a convertible, but if not (I’m not, by the way), then why are the A-pillars wrapped in fabric as well?  Shouldn’t they be metal along with showing a couple of inches of forehead, I mean roof like in a real convertible?  But the most egregious part of the whole deal is just barely visible at the top of this picture.  There’s a sunroof.  What. The. Fudge.  I don’t know, I had to stop wasting pixels on this after the fourth picture, it was just too demoralizing.  There are plenty of cars in the junkyard I’d love to bring back to life, but some of them, if they themselves had a choice and a big enough ECU to reason, would realize that they probably should stay where they are.  This is one of them.  Ultimately I’m afraid we deserve what we get…