Last year around this time my middle son and I participated in the Great Beater Challenge driving a 1983 Dodge Aries through the mountains. As a quick refresher the general idea is as follows: buy a cheap vehicle ($700 or less all in including repairs), come up with a team theme, drive it on a road trip while completing a scavenger hunt, and have fun. While the Aries was not really capable of highway speeds it made the whole trip which turned out to be a great experience. This time around my eldest son also wanted in as well. This year we did not even have to search out for our ride as it fell into our lap.
My oldest son has recently passed his learner’s test which allows him to drive accompanied by a fully licensed driver. At the time our fleet consisted of my wife’s Ford F150 as well as my Mazda 2 and MG B. Both the Mazda and MG have manual gearboxes and while the truck has an automatic it is both physically huge and worth real money. This left us without a suitable vehicle for a new driver to learn on. While I understand that in other countries many people learn directly on a manual gearbox I felt I would like to preserve my clutch and at the same time give my son a less steep learning curve. Luckily for us my brother in-laws had both moved away for their post secondary education but also possessed a cheap vehicle they were both ready to move on from.
This hail damaged 2003 Honda Civic was very generously given to our boys but for the sake of the challenge I am valuing it at $300. It needed a few minor mechanical repairs (rear wheel bearing, oil change, light bulbs and a maintenance warning light on) but mostly had cosmetic issues resulting from a collision as well as a powerful hail storm. In other words perfect for a beater rally (and teenage car). While I was hoping to run a real oddball this year the Civic proved to be a perfect fit.
The first step was to clean the car out. There was a couple hundred pounds of books in the trunk and back seat which were quickly donated. In the spare wheel well was several hundred of roofing nails which had to be individually picked out. Other miscellaneous items like the booster cables, flashlights and windshield washer fluid would be useful to take along on the rally. Hopefully we have no use for the snow brush.
The car had been sitting a while so the interior needed a good clean. On the plus side I found almost ten dollars from clearing out the interior which is a nice bonus for the budget.
I should have taken a better before photo but it cleaned up rather nicely.
While it is hard to fully see in photos the exterior is rather hail damaged. My plan was to customize the existing damaged trunk and hood for the rally and then replace with a salvage yard parts. The roof would still be a little beat up but perhaps the overall look would improve.
With a vehicle of this value it always comes with a few quirks. The first time I filled it with gas I discovered the oversized washer in the cup holder is actually there to open the fuel door. One has to use a surprising amount of force to get the door open but it works.
Mechanically the Civic was pretty close to ready to go. A noisy rear wheel could have been repaired but I took a look at it and declared it good enough for now. Mechanical preparation was limited to an oil change and a quick peek to make sure the brake pads had some material left on them. The biggest problem for the challenge is that the Civic is not a particularly unique or interesting vehicle. In a bid to earn some bonus points I attached a junkyard sourced Special Edition badge. If you recall for last year Dodge Aires scored most of its points for being a (legitimate) Special Edition. A few other body customization touches might be in order.
Since the car is a Civic we decided to go with budget\cheesy “Fast and Furious” style car. This meant we needed to add some simulated go fast equipment. Up front I used a leftover can of white spray paint to make some racing stripes. Only the hood was done as that is how far the paint went. Last year we mounted a paint tray hood scoop in a (failed) attempt to keep the Dodge Aires cool. This year I figured we could honor last year’s car with a similar scoop so I bought a slightly bigger version to give the impression of a cool air induction system.
It could not be a “performance” Civic without a wing. Some free pallet wood combined with some left over bolts, washers, nuts and screws from my spare bolt bucket gave us a suitably tall wing. It was parked in the garage leading up to the challenge so it does not bring down the neighbor’s property values too much.
The bolt bucket its self gave the Civic an enhanced size exhaust tip.
Inside an old fire extinguisher painted blue gave a reasonable facsimile of a NOS bottle.
While I would have liked some really terrible hubcaps and under-glow I could not find either locally. I would have thought Walmart or Princess Auto would have been a sure thing but all the aftermarket hubcaps at the local Walmart were disappointingly tasteful. Even the local scrapyard did not have any. They did have a replacement for the one missing stock hupcap which I bought but will install after the rally. I did manage to add two last minute custom touches which were a signature and personal message from rapper Vanilla Ice as well as a “No Junk Mail” sticker. The junk mail sticker produced a surprisingly large amount of feedback.
Here is our completed car ready to go at the start line. The hood stripes look surprisingly decent for the ten minutes I spent on them. Note the dinosaur behind … it is just that sort of event. I will reveal the dinosaur’s epic ride as well as others in the next installment.
The whole series:
Vehicle Selection and Preparation
Day One Part One: Tarmac, Gravel, Tarmac and more Gravel
Day One Part Two: Out into the Prairie
I predict that the Civic will perform much better than the Aries. How’s that for taking a real risk, prediction-wise?
This sounds like a great event for you and your sons. I would have liked to do something similar back then. My older son drove a 1980 Mazda 626 that would have been perfect.
NOTE for Americans and other non-Canadians: placing a “No Junk Mail” or “No Flyers” sign on or near your mailbox means…you won’t be given most junkmail. You’ll still get political stuff, but you’ll be spared the rest. Quite a nice difference from the States, where the letter carriers are obliged to cram your mailbox full of recycling because some slimewad bought your address and paid the USPS to p-spam you.
The nicer signs in Canada say “please”.
Good luck! I presume that you are good on the timing belt? We had to do the one on my daughter’s Civic because my brother in law had no idea when (or if) it had been done. Considering what can happen if a belt lets go, we considered it relatively cheap insurance.
I like the stripes.
Yes the timing belt had been done by my father in-law recently.
The cheapest vehicle I’ve ever bought rang up at $100 over the budget for this event, so I’m unfamiliar with exactly what you’d get for that kind of price. It does seem like the Civic, while lacking in originality, is just the ticket for a relatively drama-free experience, and your budget mods do give it a little more beater cred.
Is that $700 Canadian, come to think of it?
Yes $700 Canadian. It is possible to find vehicles in this price range. They are usually cosmetically challenged or need minor repair. Its hard to find interesting and functional ones however.
The pictures of your prep elicited quite a few laughs from me! Good thing I was not drinking anything, as I would have sprayed my screen upon viewing the wing and exhaust pix,LOL!!! Good luck on the rally! 🙂
+1 on the laughs.
Having read David’s post of last year’s adventure, the Paint Pan Hood Scoop gave me an immediate chuckle. Then I scrolled down the the ‘Fast & Furious’ style ‘WRX Wing’ made out of wood, and my laughter got louder. Then I scrolled down one more pic to the Coffee ‘Fart’ Can Exhaust Extender and completely lost it. I had to close my office door I was laughing so hard.
Awesome David and Best of Luck! Looking forward to your next update. ?
I took a second look at that last photo and decided the scoop is so well done that it almost looks like it belongs there. It reminds me of those fake blower scoops guys used to stick through their hoods a few years ago.
Nice work, I would have removed the wheel covers and did a really crappy job of painting the wheels silver, or red to add the finishing touch, or leave one wheel cover on and paint the others.
This sounds like a lot of fun. And, an admission – loading some pictures on the back of the site yesterday allowed me to see some pictures I’m figuring you took. It’s looking like an even better time than last year.
Ah, this would be the perfect event for me, as I love old beaters. My god, I currently drive a Mercury Mystique.
The hail dents are a nice touch, but Civics are boring. It needs to be something funnier/more pathetic, like a GM dust buster van or a ’88 Buick Regal or anything from the 70’s.
We are planning for next year and will bring something a lot more interesting.
Hehe, that’s great.
I might enter this next year. It’s in my neck of the woods, generally. I’m thinking early 90’s New Yorker!
An early 90’s New Yorker would indeed be a perfect candidate. Just “fancy” enough to be ironic, just comfortable enough to make one hope that it actually makes the trip without incident, but with the 3.0 V6 and Ultradrive it’d be just enough of a crap shoot to make very mile a nail-biter.
Our international friends may not catch the reference David, but Red Green would be proud of you!??
Red Green? Heck yeah!
“Keep on pulling, we’re all in this together!” 😉
(R. G. Quote not quite right, but fits the occasion.)
I watched a lot of Red Green growing up. Even had a book of his. Its
“Remember, I’m pulling for you. We’re all in this together.”
There is a collected list of his quotes here – https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Red_Green_Show
” If it ain’t broke, you’re not trying.”
“If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.”
🙂
I loved Red Green’s “Adventures With Bill”. Always a good laugh!
“Keep your stick on the ice” and carry at least one roll of “The Handyman’s Secret Weapon”….
Wow, just wait for the VTEC to kick in, yo!
Looking forward to reading the next installment(s). Although it being a Civic, it’ll be stuff like “It started, ran and kept on running. We got gas once but only needed half a tank. Everything worked great. And the hail dimples fixed themselves too. We’ll be back next year.”
Good luck in your endeavor. I hope you win
Yes $700 in this day and age does not get you much car. I have good luck with under $1000 cars (such as my 95 Deville, 94 Probe) and I did just get a 1997 Pontiac Transport van back in July that cost me $500.00 but that was from somebody I knew
Did you get the Takata recall completed? I’m fairly certain its this era of Honda vehicles that are most susceptible to failure.
I did just this morning. Look for that later on!
Good to hear!
Hilarious. And thanks for reminding me of Red Green; it’s been a while since we’ve seen him on American TV. Oh, gawd — his DIY projects . . . !
So what’s with the smokin’ yellow ’59 Caddy ? Do I smell bait-and-switch ?
Nicest beater I’ve ever seen! Feels strange to call it one even, as a 2003 Civic was our “nice car” until we hit a deer with it 4 yrs ago and it was totaled.
Yeah is far too new but cosmetics and a few little mechanical hiccups mean it would have been price wise a beater.
Heck my nice car is only a year newer.
Red Green, Steve Smith did OK on what started as a short skit on Smith & Smith’s Comedy Mill. Like Super Dave Osborne, Red Green was shot around here so we always had fun trying to pin down the shooting locations.
Anyway, I commend your effort in doing the Beater Challenge a 2nd time, although I agree for your 3rd time you should go for something more beater-like:
https://www.kijiji.ca/v-classic-cars/calgary/1965-fargo-a-100/1294608608?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true
Working on it. That is not a bad choice. I hate rust though. Although if it was all flat metal it would be very do-able. I’ll be in Calgary this weekend so might check it out if its still around.
You should donate the car to ‘Canada’s Worst Driver’ to use on the show afterwards.
I see that the adventure is already over.
The best beaters are the bullet proof ones, my teen learner wants my Citroen and is learning to drive in it now, I did ask if a automatic rice grinder would suit her better but no she want to learn how to actually drive in a manual and get a proper licence, so far so good.
I think my best beater was a ’64 Chrysler Newport for $25. The guy held out for $25 because it was a convertible. The top worked, had a few holes I patched, no rear window, some WalMart drop plastic worked (except for vision through it) Had dog chains from the top of the front seat backs to the eye bolt through the dash on each side. 361 ran well, trans worked, parking brake not so good. If you didn’t flip the park lever down it would slloowwwlllyy creep away. The speedo worked but was a bit off, reading 110 mph when in city traffic at around 25, the radio had static, but might have worked if the antennae was n’t a coat hanger (and still shaped like one) The original dark metallic turquoise was still lustrous and highlighted the small dents on the car. It had sounds from the suspension I didn’t like, and a sharp left caused a BANG! that simulated a large caliber gunshot. I didn’t keep it long, but i liked the poor thing. I was at the Chrysler dealer purchasing more cars when I heard the familiar BANG! I turned in time to witness the entire front suspension collapse on the Newport as it slid through the intersection. I thought sure it would go to a wrecking yard. When last seen it’s been going to local shows for 35 year, is white now with light blue top and interior.
We need to do this in the States.
Curbside Classic Craigslist Challenge 2018!!
$1000.00 max including repairs – not including license and registration
Must have been purchased within 6 months from the day challenge starts
Must pass basic safety tests for state registered from
Toolboxes, spare ballast resistors and AAA membership encouraged
Wonderful! And you did the rice racer mods on the cheap, too!
Is it my imagination or is that T-Rex laughing !?!?!?!?!?
I really enjoyed following last-years race. Happy to see you and yours participate again.
Tell us about the panel truck in the background of the first photo. Yours?
Its a Fargo panel van sitting in a small town between where I picked up the car and home.
I would love to be in a beater challenge here in Michigan
I had full intentions on setting one up after reading your last years challenge. But alais there is never enough time to me to put on this event
Sure it’s not a 2001 or ’02? Black background instruments replaced the white ones for 2003. 2003 also had a standard armrest on the console.
Definitely sure. My father in-law bought it brand new. Maybe Canadian market cars are a little different?
The “junk mail” sticker and the NOS bottle are the best. Have you guys heard of the 24 Hours of Lemons? It is pretty close but done on a race track. Lots of fun.
I see a missed opportunity here. You should make the most of the hail damage. Remember that if life serves you lemons, make lemonade! The dimples on a golf ball improve its aerodynamics. So the dimples on your rice (beater, grinder, cooker, ???) become an aero aid. Paint them a contrasting colour to emphasise this go-fast “feature”.