There are some musical groups that see you through a difficult time in your life, whose songs you can look back on with bittersweet relief. The last three years, starting in 2020, that group has been AJR. One of their songs came to mind when writing about my most recent car.
“Bummerland” was released by a band of three brothers who have a small but rabid fanbase. Since discovering AJR around that time, I have listened to each song they’ve put out, always excited for more. Their music has found its way into my phone and downloaded on my ipod that had most recently been a musical fixture of my 1984 Volvo 240 DL.
My family and I had decided to move to Ohio to be closer to a support network of friends. Cost of living is cheaper, and the environment in the larger cities seemed to be more welcoming overall. In order to fund the move, I made the choice to sell my Volvo, leaving myself and my partner with just our 2004 Honda Element.
It was around this time I met two great friends living in Toledo. The more we talked, the closer we became, and as the weeks went on, we began to discuss my move to their state. They suggested buying me a cheap car since I was without one. My plan up to that point had been to use public transportation until I could afford to get something on my own. They had said that while commendable, life in Dayton would be made easier for that first year if I didn’t have to worry about that kind of thing.
The hunt for a cheap set of wheels was on! I was told I could pay them back once I had gotten settled. After a few false starts I found the car you see at the top of this piece. Now you may be wondering… why? Why an Ion?
The truth is out of the options I had seen, it was the best car I could find. Most automotive reviewers of the time had found the Ion, especially the Ion Quad Coupe, to be very underwhelming if not downright terrible. However, when I looked at user reviews of regular people who had kept their Saturns for hundreds of thousands of miles, it took digging to find people who had bad things to say. These weren’t the greatest cars on earth but they were hardy and in some cases… fun!
My Saturn is a 2004 Ion3 Quad Coupe. The 3 in the name means it’s the highest trim level you could get in the regular Ion line with things like leather seats, a leather wrapped shift knob and steering wheel, sunroof, and power windows. This economy car had some pretty nice things and for the price I paid, and I found myself quite happy. The Quad in the name refers to the fact this coupe has four doors. It, like the Element, has a set of suicide doors behind the driver and passenger doors. It makes it easy to get in and out of and easy to load things in it. I find it funny I am now the owner of two grey cars, of the same year, with a similar door set up!
The driving experience is, in a word… Rowdy. I don’t know how the automatic would be in a car like this (though if the reviewers are to be believed, quite dull), but the five speed manual makes this little car a blast to drive. The 2.2 liter four cylinder tugs the car forward with a surprising amount of pull. At idle the exhaust is so quiet you can hardly hear it when inside the car. However the minute you give it any throttle and stick it in gear the little car growls and skips the tires as you get off the line.
I first drove Apollo (for that is the car’s name) during a vacation where said friends paid to fly me up there to see them for a couple days. The first time I took my car out and whipped it around a corner, I was all smiles. After 300K miles and being a little worse for wear, the little Ion still has some fight left in it.
Back to the title of this piece: Bummerland. At first blush you might think that’s something negative and by extension, the song that shares its name would be too. Part of what I love about AJR is their ability to turn a concept on its head. Bummerland is a song about bouncing back from hard times, about finding joy in the future. When my friends bought me Apollo, a few lines of that song came to mind:
“My friends always pay for my drinks
I can’t afford no nice things
But I hope my bank account gets so low
Even zero
So next year
When I buy that first beer
I’ll be a goddamn hero!”
Those of you that have been following my work know how difficult the last year has been for me. The past twelve months prior to me selling my Volvo had seen my savings account with just $50 in it. Thanks to a recent windfall that situation has changed somewhat. I have money in savings again. The Element got maintenance I had been putting off for the better part of a year. I was able to buy new socks, which when I opened the package for, found myself in tears. Right at that moment I felt like I was alive again. A package of socks was something I couldn’t have afforded a month ago.
Joy and hope are funny things. They are something we choose to give ourselves. At time of writing we are set to move to Ohio in July. Things are still tight, but I am no longer so close to the financial edge. When I sat down in my Saturn for the first time, took it driving around Toledo, I felt the rough little four cylinder running and the worn out gear knob in my hand. I felt that for the first time in so long, I was being given a chance at a new life.
The last day of my trip, I went to an antique store in Maumee. There I found a keychain from Fantasyland, an amusement park that had gone belly up in 1980. Located in Gettysburg, PA it deserves looking into if you haven’t heard of it. When I read the words on it, as it hung from a little pegboard in the corner of the store, I let out a chuckle. KEEP ME AND NEVER GO BROKE, it read. I BRING GOOD LUCK, it followed.
I pulled it off the peg with a sigh, knowing it was perfect for me. My bummerland could use a lucky penny.
I’ve never heard of Bummerland or AJR or Fantasyland, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never even sat in a Saturn, but I was very taken by your post … the insights, the experiences, and the perspective. And it sounds like you made some really good friends.
I always found the Saturn Ion off-putting and ugly, like something AMC would have designed, if they had the money. I remember when it was reviewed in Car & Driver one of the reviewers commented: “We waited seven years for this?”
Bob Lutz in his book “Car Guys vs. the Bean Counters” wrote that the Ion was designed to appeal to millenials who didn’t like cars. That begs the question if the millenials didn’t like cars, why try and design one for them?
The best Ion-related story I can remember is when the sedan came out and Saturn loaned C/D one for a regular review, then abandoned it at their office so C/D did a long-term test since Saturn refused to pick it up. It didn’t go that well.
That’s all I got. I spent many hours driving various rental Ions back when they were new and being dumped into rental fleets, mostly optionless Ion 1 automatic sedans with crank windows and no cruise control. I can absolutely believe they were designed for people that viewed cars as a necessary evil or a transportation device. While pretty much all competitors had redeeming qualities, even the Corolla, Spectra and Elantra, the Ion was just, “vehicle.” The Cobalt at least looked better and had wider availability of the 2.4 and sporty-ish trims. I never spent any time in Ion coupes or manuals, however. Maybe they are more likeable.
Well, there’s something to be said for a cheap car that runs. Especially if it’s a manual transmission.
Also something to be said for good friends. Good luck with the move.
Always like that “Saturn SL, wagon”. Had one here in the neighborhood until about four years ago.
It sounds like you have some great friends. That’s a very important and special thing. I’m also glad to hear that things are looking up for you.
Thanks also for posting a photo with an early generation, click wheel, spinny drive iPod. Hold on to that thing, it’ll someday be worth more than the Volvo 😉
I don’t think that you mention how many miles are on the Ion. At 20 years old, I’d imagine there are quite a few, but I will also say that the car looks good in the photos. After all of these years, Saturns of this era might have the last laugh on everyone over the plastic body panel thing. They really DO hold up a long time!
And as Doug says, you can’t go wrong with a manual transmission, for longevity at least. Good luck in Ohio!
It’s got just under 300K miles! It’s been rode hard, that’s for sure.
Surely that can’t be the original unrebuilt engine?
If it’s ever been rebuilt, I’ve not found any evidence of it. Belts and fluid changes sure, but it doesn’t burn any oil. You can tell it’s a tired old mill but it runs very well for what it’s worth.
I am so taken with your story and am proud for you and your resilience. Going through the many changes in your life, and sharing them with us, is very brave. Thank you for that.
What sticks with me most is your writing style – you have a great talent for telling a story. You might should pursue your writing – I think it could bring you much success. I’d be so tickled to be one of the first to buy your book!
All my best to you, your partner, and great new friends.
My mom had one of these. One day my father drove off with her beloved Civic sedan and came back with a new Ion. Mom was pretty mad. But it was a reliable last car for them. The were driving it into their early 90s; my father, who had bad vision by then, would navigate, and my mother, who had mild cognitive impairment, would drive. The Ion accumulated a few ugly black scars from hitting posts at gas stations and such; maybe other cars in parking lots too?
After they finally stopped driving, it went to one of my nieces, who drove it for several years.
All the best in Ohio.
Back in 2010, my eventual wife and Molly and I drove down to Rock Hill, SC to see her sister and go to her nephew’s wedding. The wedding was in Augusta GA, and we were going to carpool down to the even in her brother in law’s fleet of Saturns.
Rather than cramming 4 of us into my Mustang, we got to drive down in one of these. Everyone on this site likes to dis these cars, but I found it to be a pleasant experience. While mostly on the interstates (I-77 & I-20), the car was quite comfortable, had plenty of power, and was a hoot to drive with that 5-speed stick.
Around this time, when my stepson was at the University of Maryland, he needed a car after getting into a accident with his father’s Grand Am. My future wife found a Saturn SL2 (I think that’s what it was called) and wanted to test drive it for him before buying it, but upon realizing it had 3 pedals instead of 2, she called me to come test drive it. I found that car quite competent as well.
I’m not really sure why Saturn gets such a bad rap, but my limited experience is anecdotal at best.
So we’ve had Helen, Lily Elky, and now Apollo… I just can’t keep ’em all strait, P_Fox. 😉
Best wishes on your move to Ohio!
Here’s a handy guide! (I feel like that bit on The Animaniacs with the world map)
Helen- 87 Gran Fury
Lily Elk- 85 El Camino
Barbara- 87 Bronco II
Rosie- 61 Corvair monza coupe
Dixie- 69 Caprice Sport Sedan
Prefect- 85.5 Ford Escort
Scarlet- 86 Bronco II
Vipe- 92 Camaro RS
Dusty- 84 Volvo 240 DL
and now:
Apollo- 04 Saturn Ion Coupe
and
Sisu- 75 Honda CB750F (In need of a full restoration and basically junk atm)
I was just to pop back in and add a few… I remember Dixie… as I’ve always been an Impala fan of that era. My Dad had a ’66 and a ’68.
Thanks for the list!
(Oh, and I also had a Honda CB… a CB400T. It already came with a name: Hawk ;o)
Of course! All of them have had a write up on here in one way or another. My bike is likely to remain an enigma around here. I got to see it while in Ohio and man… I ought to just trash it.
That’s never stopped me though! It was built in February of 75 and is a super early production model. It was found rotting in an old shed and drug into my friend’s garage. It’ll likely stay there until I’ve got the funds to put into it. It’s gonna stay there a long time, I figure.
My biggest problem was the sheer gimmicky silliness of the ION. These arrived at our dealer and being a Saturn fan, wanted to check them out.
The steering wheel looked like it came out of a bumper car. Small, silly and trying way too hard to be different. The center dash was OK – but not if you depend upon your periferal vision and wear eyeglasses. What’s directly in front of you with that bumper car steering wheel and the hard gray plastic dash? Nothing. It was one of the oddest feelings I had getting behind the wheel.
The entire feeling was of a toy car. Not serious at all. It was as if Saturn was more interested in being silly and gimmicky than being a real car company.
Trying too hard. The ION was a step off the edge for no good reasons. The S series tried to do a domestic small car better. The ION just wanted to be different – and I couldn’t get comfortable in it.
The chicken pot pie steering wheel…
Don’t make me look up the numbers, but the Ion looks roomier than the original 7/8ths scale Saturns. About those I remember one writer saying that with most cars you get either good ride or good handling but Saturn managed to combine both bad ride and bad handling. Another wrote that no car company ever got so far on a carnation and a smile.
Saturn was a huge missed opportunity in pretty much every way. One way: GM made a minivan constructed just like the original Saturns – steel platform with steel space frame supported plastic outer panels. Every GM division had a version except two: Cadillac (it wasn’t a luxury car), and Saturn.
About the time of the Ion they started importing a version of the Opel Vectra, then forgot the Ion and everything they claimed as unique features and substituted Astras for it. Then replaced the bigger one with the Aura, a very nice car on the Vectra/Malibu platform that still looks good today. One lives around the corner from me. Too late. After Saturn folded I thought maybe there would be some bargain Auras around but I guess people realized it wasn’t entirely an orphan. I don’t know about the availability of unique Aura or Ion bits is today, but some parts got iffy when my TransSport got old.
“That begs the question if the millennials didn’t like cars, why try and design one for them?”
In the case of one former coworker, an early boomer, it fit. She hated cars and driving, so what better than a Saturn, a car designed for people who don’t like cars, but still need one. If you raise their expectations, then they will expect more, so if you keep expectations low, you can still sell them sh**boxes. There is a logic to it.
My mother-in-law’s last car before she stopped driving was a Saturn Ion four-door automatic. Its four-cylinder engine made a lot of noise but didn’t match its resonant booming with motivation. It was nimble but you expect that from a little car…and it also rode like a little car. Its dull grey interior was depressing to sit in. Refinement was a word unknown in its vocabulary and the central instrument cluster was either an attempt by GM to make building a right-hand drive version a possibility, or an attempt by GM to look “international” with no such desire. The last straw was when she could not remove the ignition key due to a malfunctioning microswitch in the shift/key interlock in the shifter assembly. GM claimed it wasn’t a safety issue, but did, in a Technical Service Bulletin, say that the entire shifter assembly would be replaced if an owner came into a GM dealer with the complaint; however, GM did not notify owners of the several affected car models with the same fault for several years until an official recall was announced; and even then the replacement shifter was in short supply, forcing owners to leave their keys in the ignition for weeks until “the parts come in” unless they performed a tricky override procedure described in the owner’s manual, involving prying off a plastic cover and poking a finger into the resulting hole to push a little plastic button in the blind.
Congratulations on finding something in that diminishing sweet spot – an old American car that is cheap to buy and is simple/durable enough to be cheap to own and run. Finding cars like that used to be easy, but that’s not so true now.
Good luck settling into a new place.
Music has a way of hydrating past emotions both good and bad. At home listening to my hi fi it allows my brain to shift into contemplative, imagination zone. Glad you and the fam moved to a better location with more resources and most importantly that you made it through that challenging time. The Ions cabinet doors look to be very accommodating for larger size items. I’ve always thought that design is superior to typical doors. With the exception of super high-end cars I don’t see cabinet doors making a comeback soon. Blame it on increased side impact crash safety standards and much beefier B-pillars.
You must have been in a bad way if moving to The Ohio State is a lifestyle improvement. Glad to hear things are looking up.
One thing I remember about these cars when they debuted was the ability to change the roof rails….they offered diff colors and if I recall, patterns too. It appears it was a short lived idea..
https://blog.consumerguide.com/custom-roof-rails-the-bizarre-saturn-ion-feature-that-time-forgot/
I always viewed the Ion as a step down from the second generation S series. By my admittedly low standards our SL2 had decent NVH and decent acceleration. I never drove an Ion but the center cluster (trying to be Scion?) and the giant panel gaps were off putting. I suppose that like many pre-bankruptcy GM cars they were OK transportation appliances and if this car brings you to a better life it’s doing its job.