Magazine ad written by Tim Brunelle for the launch of the Volkswagen Phaeton working with art director Steve Yaffe.
Phun
I make terrible car choices, I just do. I’ll never be the person to pick a Toyota or a Honda as long as there’s something more interesting, a little “off” to be chosen. Give me the quirky, give me the complex engineering, give me anything but BORING. Unfortunately this just equals trouble. I mean honestly, the list of bad decisions is long; 2 Jaguars, a Cadillac Allante, a rusted out Roadmaster wagon, selling 2 W124s and 1 W126. But my latest, most recent bad decision was this: a 2005 Volkswagen V8 Phaeton. Ugh.
A sampling of some of the poor decisions, but certainly not all of them.
I was over on the miles on my Model 3 lease and it was due to get turned in. It was time to start looking for a new car. My latest job came to an abrupt end when the company that moved us from Utah to Pennsylvania went bankrupt. I was wary of car payments and wanted something I could pay cash for and keep for a year or two when, I hoped, I’d be settled into a new permanent role.
As I said before, a Toyota or Honda was never going to be on my list. Chatting up one of my car buddies he spouted out “Why not a Phaeton? They have cool engineering, they’ve definitely hit the bottom of depreciation and they were overbuilt.”
A nearly 20 year old VW packed to the hilt with some of the weirdest of Ferdinand Piëch’s ideas? Sounds terrible! I was in.
While I love the understated styling, the fact that you couldn’t tell this from a Passat unless you really were in the know was a big mistake, I think.
Phoolish
Big shock; there weren’t a lot of Phaetons out there. Fewer than 4,000 were ever sold in the USA.
I was on a contract, spending 5 days a week away from home. Not ideal, but it was income, a company I loved and a group of people I liked. They even paid for a hotel, food and gas – it could have been far worse. The income was a substantial cut – eliminating car payments was high on my priority list.
My contract job was in Reading, PA, which inexplicably has this Pagoda.
I found a beautifully maintained Phaeton that had all manner of very expensive maintenance done. Driving it the 2 hours home was a bit of a treat; more comfortable and far larger than the Model 3.
My husband joked “You’re way over there!”
It had a lovely V8 hum, which would raise to a gentle rumble if you floored it. I had to admit, I missed the sounds of an internal combustion engine. Especially a big V8.
Insurance was cheap and with my job paying for gas, I didn’t mind that I was averaging 17 MPG.
In my previous post about my 300D I said that car wanted to play. This car? It was a long distance runner, it wanted to run – not sprint. More than once I caught myself hitting 100 MPH on the PA Turnpike, first without noticing it. Then, once I realized how stable and smooth it was up there, I kept trying for it. No shimmy. No shudder. The car just kept calling out for more. Still makes me drool. To steal a line from Jaguar, this car was complete grace, space & pace.
Phamily
The Phaeton was perfect for family trips, more than once the 3 of us and our dog packed up and went to Cape May and my husband and I were eager to take it on an Autumn road trip through New England. But that would have to wait. Late summer of 2023 came and it was time to deliver our son to university. Just us and the Phaeton.
My son and I were banished from packing the car.
The air suspension in the Phaeton did a fantastic job of leveling out the weight of everything a person needs for school – plus about 20 pounds of chocolate I was able to provide him courtesy of my job’s company store. The V8 pulled along, clearly over laden, but willing.
It was an odd sensation coming back home without our son. The car was empty. The house was empty. Everything was so quiet. But we decided it was time to start dating again. Each other, that is. On our first childless date we spent the day at the Everhart museum.
Everhart Museum includes zoological displays, visual art, ethnological artifacts, fossils & American folk art. Image & caption from Wikipedia.
When we got into the car the garage stank of gas. We thought maybe someone bumped the snow blower pulling in and didn’t pay any attention to it.
Later, after the museum, the car itself stank of gas and again after lunch. Suddenly my pasta wasn’t sitting so well. That’s when things started to go to crap.
Phuel
Returning home I saw a puddle in the garage and sure enough, it was gas. The car was leaking. Thus began a 5 month ordeal of replacing the gas tank. So much for driving the car throughout New England, thankfully we still had the Model 3. Suffice it to say a low production number, 20 year old VW has very little available in the way of parts or people who know how to work on them. At least out in Northeast PA.
It all probably would have gone better if the VW dealer I spoke to was honest and admitted they didn’t know anything about Phaetons or how to get parts for it. A used tank was finally found in Alabama just after Thanksgiving and I had the car back in January. I swore to never cast my shadow over that dealership’s door again.
Phrig
In that time my contract came to an end and I was snapped up by another one…120 miles away. So now my daily commute was 240 miles. In a car that got 17MPG. And this place wasn’t paying for my gas or putting me up in a hotel.
We agreed that I had to get at least 1 full year out of the car before I even considered anything else, and I have to admit, it was great on the highway and great in the snow. But the amount of money I was spending on gas was equal to a monthly car payment and it was killing me. Then the rear window regulator gave up the ghost and down the window went, then the “infotainment” (also called a ZAB)- where EVERY function for this car lived- started to die.
I can see why this design was chosen for noise isolation…but I still think it’s asinine
I ended up dismantling the door panel to repair the window regulator – a rather stupid design using plastic gears and a braided wire all mounted to an aluminum inner door skin that you couldn’t remove without unbolting the window from the lift. A Mercedes-Benz 300D this was not. Not that I expected a Phaeton to be designed to be worked on, but I didn’t expect something as simple as a window regulator to be some Rube Goldberg BDSM fantasy.
ePh This
Just as I was finishing fixing that, the catch for the door pull slipped and fell down into the door. I said F it, and that’s how the door stayed shut for good. At least it was back together.
The infotainment was all Poltergeist, to say nothing of my back. All this driving, stop and go traffic, plus 20 year old seats aggravated an old weight lifting injury. One night I couldn’t sleep I was in so much pain and the next morning I couldn’t pick my feet up off the floor.
They’re heeerrrrreeee…
There was serious risk of losing my mobility without some kind of intervention. I was fine with the intervention, but I knew what was aggravating the situation.
I slowly looked for another car. Not really eager, but I thought it may be time. By the summer of 2024 my husband and I swapped cars. He got the Phaeton and I got his Prius. I hated the Prius. But it had radar cruise control which was a help on my back, however, I felt guilty shoving the Phaetons appetite for premium on him.
The Prius is a car that is perfect for so many people. I am not one of them.
Eventually I decided enough was enough. By January of 2025 I asked if he would be terribly upset if I decided to replace the Phaeton and he said no.
So I did, with a Cadillac Lyriq.
It’s basically like a Phaeton for 2025 but without the insane fuel cost.
In case anyone is wondering; yes the Phaeton is listed for sale, no it hasn’t sold yet and SuperCruise is a pretty nifty system that has made my commute far more bearable.
Related CC reading:
That was the decade when Volkswagen became the ALL ‘People’s Car’ with the introduction of the Phaeton at the top, and the City Rabbit at the bottom. That extreme price range for one individual marque outdid Alfred Sloan’s ‘car for every purse & purpose’ under 5 different brands at GM decades earlier. 30 years before the Phaeton, if someone ever said a Volkswagen would outgun a Cadillac at the top, they would have been kicked out of the bar!!
At least you had the 8 and not the w12, just assuming that would’ve been an additional nightmare phor you…!!!
Yeah, I heard some maintenance procedures on the 12 are engine out! I’m a Phool but not that big of a one lol
And that’s why I hold transportation and interesting as separate needs.
We have a minivan and a Toyota for transportation, and the Mustang, Käfer, and motorcycles for interest.
Combining them sometimes becomes TOO interesting.
You’re absolutely right, I’m just too stubborn to do that.
Congrats on the new ride!! Keep us posted as to your progress with the commute and expectations….
I’ve had my garage queen ’04 Saab Aero convertible for nearly 18 years. It’s in good shape with 60k miles; the first person that offers me $10k gets it. I’m done with European cars for now…
A coworker of mine bought this model very early, Her issues were many, however I think the leaking trunk was a perpetual pain with many trips to the dealer.
IIRC, she eventually made a deal with VW to ditch the car. What a phlop, indeed.
This work is solely the product of the megalomania of a certain Pherdinand Phiëch.
Okay, maybe not be the only thing. Maybe some other VW board members also needed it to finally be chauffeured in “appropriate” cars.
As the buyer of a new VW in 2000, I was invited to a Phaeton test driving event at the old Alameda Naval Air Station (where Mythbusters was based). It was kinda far, we had kids, I had a bunch of weekend obligations, excuses excuses. Of course now I wish I had gone, just to drive an 8 or 12 cylinder VW. Come to think of it I’ve never driven any VW that wasn’t 4 cylinders. And just a few years back I was tempted when my neighbor was selling his W8 Passat wagon … but I’d rather experience these cars vicariously through posts like this. Here in California I’ve seen far more A8 Audi’s, probably even more of the Bentley’s using this platform, than Phaetons.
That’s what puzzles me about this car… who thought the Audi A8 needed internal competition?
Nice write up and fun to read. Certainly the fun was on my end and not necessarily on yours with the Phaeton. 🙂
A Volkswagen fan for what seems like forever. It started with a ’69 Squareback, then a ’71 van, and then the reliability started to falter with a 2005 Passat. Seems like VW’s hallmark quality and reliability ended with the air-cooled engines. The Passat was the last standard transmission car the dealer was to get that year. I snapped it up. Three warranty problems; stuck electric sunroof, alternator failed, stuck brake light. Got rid of it after a few years. Then inherited a mint 2000 Lexus ES. No problems.
Always liked GTIs’. Bought a 2024. So far, so good, but had to get used to computer screens and no gauges.
Good luck!
With few VW Phaetons sold, it isn’t surprising that I have run across exactly one. It was in the parking lot of Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital. I happened to park next to it. Impressed by its looks which exuded “expensive,” I was taking some time to look it over, when its owner, a surgeon, happened by. He showed me around the car but then said, “If you’re thinking of one, don’t. Way less than half the money will get you way less than half the trouble.,”
Congratulations. It could have been worse, I suppose.
Just think, this is how over complicated all new cars are. Just wait till the new cars today are 25 years old, it’s going to be a nightmare
The trouble with today’s vehicles in 20-25 years’ time only inadequately describes the word ‘nightmare’.
A Phaeton with all its shortcomings will then be categorised as reliable.
The only reason to buy a Phaeton is to admire the hinge of the boot lid when you open it.
I don’t know of any other reasons.
(Unless perhaps you were a good friend of Ferdinand and had to have the right car at your door when he came to visit unexpectedly.)
Nice car and no parts or mechanics about that will touch one, So a good attempt at a C6 rival with the same sales problems and subsequent repair problems and one reason I didnt want such a rare car end ended up one step below a C6 and an ever rarer car DOH! But its easy to repair by me now Ive found where the parts hide.
I often look at Phaetons on E Bay but have managed to resist the temptation, so far..
Live by the sword, then die by the sword, then a fan of seppuku. I’ll pass.
Just the usual VW tale of woe. The allure of VW products seems similar to the ‘it’s a Jeep thing’ that’s kept the Wrangler in production all these decades as one of Jeep’s best (and most profitable) sellers, despite having one of the worst reliability records. Resale value is high, as well.
I actually rather like the new ID.Buzz and occasionally have thoughts of considering one if it came in a configuration that I liked, i.e., some sort of campervan like the old Westfalia.
But then I read reviews of it (and other long-term VWs). There’s just no way.
My VW is now in its seventh year In that time, absolutely nothing as gone wrong. The car looks and drives better than new.
You mention this often, and I’ve no doubt it’s true. But here’s the thing: your experience is far from universal. That is, reports both anecdotal and survey-based always show the company as a type from whom you get a good one, or a bad one. This just isn’t the case from someone like Toyota.
In Australia, I couldn’t in good conscience recommend VW. Garage and car-industry contacts – and some direct unfortunate family experience – give them a bad name, and consistently so over a long time.
At minimum, it’s buyer beware. And VW being sometimes the biggest maker in the world, that’s nowhere near good enough.
Sadly VW, along with Stellantis, Nissan and Tesla are some of the few companies out there that makes GM products look well built.
Said, no doubt, by someone who doesn’t drive a VW.
Ah, drive, or own? Every modern-ish VW I’ve driven has been really damn nice!
Driving isn’t the problem. Paying for repairs is.
This is like a funhouse mirror of my own automotive adventures when it comes to buying cars – like the 94 Fleetwood that needed a new motor, then a trans rebuild a few months later. Or the 96 Park Ave Ultra that needed a new gas tank, AC compressor, and subframe.
Great story that at least has a happy ending – hopefully the Lyriq doesn’t end up being a nightmare.
I can`t remember seeing even one ‘in the flesh’, so to speak. I`m thinking at $65,000 bucks it didn`t ave too many takers. You could have had much better cars for less.
Some things in life just don’t make sense. LIke the Phaeton.
A triumph of the boss’s ego over corporate common sense? What kind of mindset would envisage a VW-badged competitor for Bentley?
I don’t recall if it was offered in my country. I certainly never saw one. There would have been little point, as VWs weren’t selling all that well at the time.
It wasn’t offered here.
VW’s did begin to sell well here, but are now not in any top ten (as of 2024 results). Unfortunately, it is probable that their inconsistent reputation (mentioned above) has begun to precede them.
(That last sentence inadvertently distills the oddities of English, as in: “I’m sorry sir, you may not enter, your past has arrived before you”. I digress).
I never understood the Phaeton and I think I am in good company. I sat in one once and it seemed like a Passat to me, in no way worth the extra money it cost. No doubt VAG lost their shirts on the Phaeton and have learned their lessons.
Or maybe they haven’t. VW has again strayed from their working class roots in to more expensive products, like most car makers at the moment. This has tanked sales in Europe. In China, VAG’s biggest market, local designs, especially EVs, are eating German car makers for lunch. Big changes are coming to the car business.
That last sentence couldn’t be truer. A (car) world upended, I think, and soon.
Fun read, and interesting choice of car! They were sold new here in NZ in RHD, but I’ve only seen 3-4 over the years, not sure how many were sold but 31 remain. They were distinctive at night as the taillights were quite Nissan Skylinesque when lit up.
Most odd that they were sold in NZ and not Oz. I’d have thought that, on the sheer population numbers, we’d have more rich bastards happy to throw away large money on an intriguing idea – and not really having to give a phart about resale – than NZ has.
NZ has long received makes/models that Australia didn’t receive – witness the Ford Sierra in our garage and the diesel-electric Peugeot 508 parked outside the window, or the Opel Grandland down the road.
The only person I know of who bought a Phaeton new was the owner of a luxury hotel, so it’d have been leased and resale would have been irrelevant (lucky bugger!).
Our compliancy requirements were/are different to Australia, so a lot of UK-spec cars are sold here that aren’t compliant in Australia. Our market also has a reputation for being happy to try anything. Without ADRs to get in the way even Holden (remember them!) was happy to trial things here that weren’t compliant for selling at home – like the 4-cylinder VN Commodore, and the VR and VS Commodore Royale with Caprice front clip and Opel engines – 2.6L straight 6 (VR) or 2.5L V6 (VS).
The market for Phaetons was rich people who don’t want to look snobby by driving a Bentley or RR, or even a BMW or Mercedes. I knew someone who fit this description who was intrigued by this car when it was new, but his wife complained that it just didn’t seem special or luxurious enough to warrant the high price. They both were intrigued by the idea of an ultra-high-end car that looked like a slightly upsized Passat.
I wonder if Bentley dealerships are the best place to get a Phaeton serviced. At least they should be familiar with the basic platform.
Absolutely, that IS the market, but my lord, that’s a pretty limited clientele. It seems to be in the nature of money that the biggest possessors of it want to have that fact announced on any and all bases, from houses to to their knickers and all things in between.
Must be exhausting, that.
I could see the Phaeton’s appeal to some European’s preference for modesty but here in the US it made zero sense. Glad you cut your losses and moved on quickly to the Cadillac Lyric. Now we are waiting for your open and honest initial impressions on the Lyric.
Just for giggles, I looked for a Volkswagen Phaeton for sale near me. I found one, only about ten miles away. It is a 2004 with 157,000 miles. It has a damaged plastic front bumper…where could you get a replacement???
The owner’s comment on the sale listing: “car no longer runs not exactly sure what happened yet) need gone asap like today if possible very Negotiable.
The starting point for “very Negotiable” is $1000!!!!!!
https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/1046721930538512/?ref=category_feed&referral_code=null&referral_story_type=post&tracking=browse_serp%3A49b62ce4-7601-4ce3-994e-37a19b228b0c
Piech, the phlegmatic phurer, had a phar-out phetishized phantasy of phelicitous phun for the phinancially phat, but, as phorseen, it was but a phatuous, phoolishly inphlated phailure.
I admire your bravery, and must confess to admiring the vehicle itself. It’s rare to see outright chutzpah in stuffy, upper-money circles, and I ponder that the the board of VW factored the surely-inevitable failure of the Phaeton as a write-off that itself re-paid in brand-image and halo-effect.
Pity that that same cheek-become-arrogance ultimately led to the firm risking untold numbers of lives by cheating on their diesels.
I love this story! It’s reassuring that I’m not the only one fooled by a pretty face to only go through hell twice! My version was a used Cadillac ATS.
What could go wrong with a basic 4 cylinder rwd car I asked myself when purchasing? That car was the financial kiss of death! Good riddance!
As many here know I’m a die hard VW fanatic .
It’s a bummer that their halo car is considered to be bad by nearly everyone .
German cars shouldn’t make you best friends with your Mechanic but sadly they do .
I guess they moved away from the econoboxes that made the company because no one buys them .
-Nate
I always wondered if Pherdinand didn’t know about Phaeton’s crashing the chariot.
Replying to Justy about NZ sales, there’s no equivalent to ADRs there. Most things can be imported …. for a price.