Hello, Paul? It’s Papa. I have great news! I want you to know that I finally took your advice.
Uh; what advice is that, Papa?
About buying myself a nice car, Paul. You always said that a doctor should drive something nicer than the cars I always got, and now that your youngest brother is out of the house at last, and since four out of you five kids never went to college, I finally feel like I could treat myself to a really fine car.
Oh, you mean a Mercedes, like my 300E? You really seemed to like it when when you were out here in California last year.
No, Paul. I took the advice that you gave me back in 1962, when I bought the Fairlane instead.
Uh…oh…you mean…a…a…
Ja, Paul! Ein Cadillac! Better late than never!
But Papa, that was a quarter of a century ago! Things have changed a lot, especially with Cadillac. They were very different in 1962 than they are now.
Yes, Paul, they are indeed! They get much better mileage now.
Please don’t tell me you bought a Cimarron.
No, no, Paul. I really splurged this time. It’s a Sedan de Ville! But not just any Sedan de Ville; it’s a very special E&G Classic Edition.
E&G Classic Edition? I never heard of it. What does it have that makes it so special?
A whole number of exclusive items, Paul.
Can you be more specific?
Ja, a different grille. It looks like a Rolls-Royce now.
Paul, I didn’t want to spend as much money as you did on your Mercedes, but with all the things that came with this E&G Classic Edition, it now looks much more expensive than your car. I’m sorry Paul, but I am a neurologist and you never even finished high school. So it just didn’t feel right with you driving such an expensive car. And E&G is so similar to EEG, my specialty. When I saw it, I just had to have it.
Ok…so what else does it have?
Ja, a continental spare tire with a hard cover to protect the tire.
Are you sure the spare is actually inside it?
Ja, ja; of course, Paul. What are you suggesting? That it’s fake or something? This is a Cadillac, after all. Don’t make me angry.
And it’s a real wire wheel too!
Really? So are all the wheels real wire wheels? I thought that was hard to do with front wheel drive, the way the wheels have to be with front wheel drive.
Well, now that you mention it, the other four wheels are different. So what do you mean, front wheel drive? Cadillacs all have rear wheel drive. DKWs and Auto Unions have front wheel drive.
Actually, no, Pops. And lots of cars have front wheel drive now. But never mind; tell me about the rest of the car.
Ja, it has a landaulet roof, just like the Mercedes 600 Tito used to ride in. But you know how I hate drafts, so I won’t be opening it.
Really? A landaulet roof?
Ja, Paul! Believe me, this E&G Classic edition was not cheap. It must have been a lot of work.
And the trunk has special security locks, so I don’t have to worry when I park it on the street near Hopkins. You know I hate to pay for the parking garage.
So how do you like driving it?
Ja Paul, it’s a dream! It’s so powerful and fast. It has a much bigger engine than your Mercedes, and of course it’s a big V8. I’m sorry Paul, but there was no way I was going to spend that much money on a six cylinder car. These Cadillac V8s will leave your Mercedes in the dust, I’m afraid. It’s a 4.1 liter V8, Paul. Not as big as they once were, but it’s a High Technology engine. Although curiously, it does not have overhead camshafts. But an aluminum block, with cast iron heads!
That’s right Pop; just like the Vega. And it has 130 hp. My 300E has 177 hp.
But Paul, the torque! Nothing has torque like a V8! You just barely touch the accelerator, and it jumps forward. I caught myself doing 63 the other day on the Beltway. It’s so hard to keep to the speed limit.
So did you trade in the Zephyr?
No; the Cadillac dealer wouldn’t take. Especially because it had the four cylinder and stick shift. They said they’d never be able to sell it. So I donated it to a Catholic charity. It was a pretty good car, but not as good as the Dart.
Now that was a great car, Paul! My favorite ever. I still miss it. I wish the Cadillac would have come with a three-speed manual on the steering column. I asked about that, but they were quite firm; it’s just not available. Same goes for manual steering and brakes.
But I thought you liked the stick shift on your Opel Kadett?
Please don’t bring up that car again, Paul. It left some painful memories. The clutch was defective from the beginning.
Defective? So that’s your explanation as to why it always hopped like a frog when you took off?
Ja, ja. I tried to get the Opel dealer to fix it, but they insisted I was letting out the clutch too quickly. Absurd.
But I did finally come to appreciate the air conditioning in the Zephyr on my 45 minute commute in the Baltimore summers.
So you’re really happy with your new Cadillac?
Well, Paul, it’s a bit odd. The people here in Towson look at me a bit funny when I drive it, especially at church. I’m sure they’re just jealous. But once I get into Baltimore, in the inner city, the people down there really seem to like it. They all smile at me, and make strange hand gestures at me.
So is there anyhting you don’t like?
Yes, Paul. Just one thing: the air conditioning in the Cadillac is way too cold and strong. I just can’t use it. So I drive with the window part way open and take off my suit jacket. It’s a small price to pay for owning a Cadillac!
Postscript: OK, so I had a bit of fun at my dear father’s expense. The truth is that in 1987, he actually did ask and take my advice on buying a new car, for the first (and last) time ever. On my recommendation, he bought a new Taurus. And he was very happy with it. But when I saw this Cadillac with its license plate, I couldn’t resist an alternate take.
Related:
Auto-Biography: 1968 Dodge Dart – The Neurologist’s Car of Choice
Auto-Biography: 1962 Ford Fairlane – Sometimes It Really Is About the Destination
Auto-Biography: 1986 Mercedes 300E – And the Birth of Telemundo
You’ve found a great example there, Paul, with all the right ‘extras’.
I recall finding just one car brochure in my father’s old desk draws – for a Bond 875. Luckily we stuck to the bikes, public transport and the occasional hired car.
Very interesting survivor! I appreciate the humor too!
That was a fun read with what you have told us about your Dad…. I was smiling the whole time.
It was almost as much fun as when your alternate universe Dad bought the ‘62 Starliner with the 390 (if memory serves that was the car).
But these days, street parking near Hopkins? Yeah, I’d worry more about my life than my car. It’s why Johns Hopkins wants its own police force, which is stirring up a bit of controversy here in Baltimore of late. It’s been all over the news (here at least, anyway).
+1
I had to scroll back to the top to double-check who wrote it, actually…
And E&G is so similar to EEG, my specialty. When I saw it, I just had to have it.
Brilliant!
Nice Caddy!! Nice write up!!
I figured you’d really like it. The Cadillac, I mean.
That’s heartening to know that your dad took your advice; you must be flattered!
I’m sure Dad’s local, authorized Cadillac dealer was flattered as well. I remember seeing these decked-out Cadillacs on dealers’ lots back in the ’80s and ’90s, and the “add-on sticker” would sometimes amount to thousands of dollars. Most of which, of course, was pure profit.
Around Philadelphia at least, it was hard to actually find Cadillacs without at least some of this stuff, particularly the fake convertible tops. Ghastly stuff, but this ad from E&G Classics (marketed to dealers) says it all:
This is an honest ad although the part about “stylish deck straps” is a bit disingenuous.
More credit to E&G for successfully selling what is otherwise a pox on the landscape.
It is hard to imagine people actually wanting this stuff. They must have been such a small portion of Cadillac buyers (itself a small portion of the car-buying population then). Still given P. T. Barnum’s famous quote and a large enough population….
You must understand the hold that Cadillac had on the minds of most Cadillac owners back then. I recall reading sombody describing the level of salesmanship needed to sell Cadillacs as the ability to ask “What color would you like this year.” There was no substitute for a Cadillac, and if this was the new Cadillac, then it must be better than any other car being made. It took a tremendous effort to alienate longtime Cadillac buyers. But GM proved itself up to the task.
Cadillacs are my favorites by far…………….but i would love to have a Zephyr like the one in the photo!!
My ex boss bought his wife a 87 Sedan d Ville new. On the 3rd day while I’m setting up the display case (I worked in a jewelry store from August 86-August 94) his wife calls and said when she went to go to work the car made some horrible grinding noises and died. At 84 miles the 4.1 had ate its camshaft! In the next year or so that happened one more time. The third engine held together. Sometimes the HVAC worked, sometimes not. Same with the power windows. Twice they had to call me to come pick them up when they had gone out to eat and the car wouldn’t start. I’d always go pick ’em up in my 73 Medium Bright Yellow (that’s what Ford called it) 2dr Maverick, which always ran by the way. At 8000 miles they had to have the brake pads replaced. He sent me to get the car after it was done and wanted me to bring the old pads back. They fit in the palm of my hand! Physically they were half the size of the disc brake pads on my 74 Pinto wagon…on a car that weighed 800 lbs more. And driving the Caddy back to the store I found out just how softly sprung those Caddys were. Even the slightest undulations in the road had that front end bobbing up and down. Way less control than the Taurus you convinced your Dad to buy Paul. That Cadillac was a piece. Surprisingly though it did not turn them off GM. In 91 he traded it for a 91 Olds 98 that gave them excellent service until I quit in 94. Sadly i have no pics of the Cadillac, but I do of the Oldsmobile.
It’s surprising the difference one model year made on these cars. For 1988 on up versions of these had the far better 4.5/4.9 engines that made between 155-200 horses and 245-275 torque, the morning sickness issue with the rack seemed to evaporate by this point and the 440 transaxles were more reliable, especially when properly serviced. My previous neighbor had a pristine 1988 light blue Sedan Deville with well over 100K and it held up really well for him overall and a former customer of ours still has his 1989 white Coupe Deville that is now closing in on 200K miles and running strong.
I helped the neighbor sell that 1988 Deville to a friend that needed a cheap car and the only thing wrong was an in op driver’s window which turned out to be a broken black wire going from the door to the bulkhead which we repaired in about 15 minutes and the front brakes needed replacing. The guy got the car for 1500 bucks and kept it until he moved to Florida last year and as far as I know the car still ran great!
Oh dear, that’s funny.
I wish I had been able to meet Dr. Niedermeyer. Better yet, that my Grandfather the non-self aware engineer had taken him camping. That would have been epic.
My father would have had a Cadillac but his social mores forbade it (too flashy). And wisely he did not take MY advice (an Alfa Romeo Alfetta was definitely NOT a car to have in Israel of the 70s).
Paul, congratulations yet again. I like it much when somebody has such an ability to make fun out of themselves (or their family). Great article.
There’s a question, though. Why FWD has problems with wire wheels? I remember pics of Cord L-29 and Ruxtons with wire wheels. (I also remember more of those pictures with disc wheels, even at their high cost, so I’m sure you are right – I just don’t know why)
Because of the extreme positive offset. All modern FWD cars have it, as it’s a critical element for handling and helping to reduce torque steer. In essence, the pivot point is near the centerline of the wheel, so the wheel center has to be very much offset, to the outside. Nowadays, essentially all modern cars have it, RWD too. It allows the disc brakes to be within the wheel.
That makes wire wheels essentially impossible.
This was not known or understood back in the day of the very first FWD cars. I’m not exactly sure who was the first to use positive offset wheels. I’d need to look it up.
The L29 seems to have a ton of positive offset. I think the real answer to “why not wires?” is simply it looks bad!
You’re right that it has more positive offset than typical back then. It is of course visually exaggerated by that hub design that sticks out so far. Modern cars don’t have that.
But yes, the pivot point is further inside the wheel than with typical RWD cars of the time.
I think it would end up looking like this.
So, based on these comments and looking at ALL the wheels on this Cadillac, that continental “spare tire” isn’t an authentic one is it? And this just made me realize that a lot of the “wire wheels” on various Oldsmobiles, Buicks, & Cadillacs from the time were really plain steel wheels with wire wheel COVERS over them! I know for certain that the FWD A-Bodies had them as an option–they were on my grandparents’ ’88 Cutlass Ciera.
I love the Curbside Classic prototypical pickup photobombing the second shot! I’m glad it found its way in to this fine article, as well as the Dart! Two thumbs up!
That was fun!
My Berlin-born old man – wise, kind, gentle, engaged, funny, but no neurologist – finally took my advice just this year when we found a very low-mileage ’03 Opel (Holden) Astra to replace his ’92 Camry (Holden Apollo). Now, the Campollo, even at 180K’s, has been Toyota faithful, abetted (or probably not) by dad’s habit of having his cars serviced about twice a week (preventative maintenance, don’t you know). But I wanted the 84 y.o. to have airbags, ABS, a crash structure not 30 years old. It’d also be nearly the newest (and certainly lowest mileage) car he’s ever had.
My advice has backfired like an exhaustless V8 on the overrun.
The immaculate, 60K Astra has so far been a disaster. It has malign electrical ghosts inhabiting the Bosch brains, and they turn on and off the lights and warnings and limp-home modes for kicks. No-one so far has performed a successful exorcism. These are stresses an octogenarian was happy without.
And so, the last phone conversation on the issue between my kindly and polite old man to his sixth and last kid?
“Justy, that Astra you advised me to take…mate, I know you meant well, but I’ve gotta tell you…I’m sorry, but it’s a pile of fuckin’ crap!”
He’s back driving the old car.
You advised him to replace one of the most classic and durable Toyotas for a GM Astra?!? Shame on you. What kind of son are you? 🙂
My Dad had a friend whose son was a Fiat dealer in the mid 70’s.
The running joke was what kind of a son he was having his old man drive a Fiat 128
A wonderful dip into some alternate history. I suppose you could have told him he could warm up the air conditioning by pushing that little red button on the controller until the display number got to 75 or something, but as I think about it, using the automatic temperature control like that would surely wear it out sooner, so I can see why you just left that one alone.
What a simply dreadful car. I hated them in 1985 and in every year/decade ever since. Some cars have grown on me as they have aged and I have come to appreciate their good points. Not these. In fact, I just passed on the chance to photograph one of similar age and decor, knowing that I would probably just 1) melt my keyboard writing about it and 2) hurt the feelings of some Cadillac fans hereabouts. This approach is so much better.
Paul, I had Hopkins as an account in the early 70s…street parking???
Well, you had me going. (Someone’s parents obviously bought those god-awful things.)
Heh, I was confused for a bit when I saw an obscured license plate on a post from Paul.
Paul, this was awesome – highly entertaining. The compare / contrast aspects incorporated into the “dialogue” were also very informative.
On another note, I’d say that pride of ownership is evident with this Cadillac, and ultimately, that’s probably all that really matters. 🙂 Long live it and its owner.
Whoops – I had forgotten to mention that the pictures of the Valiant and the Zephyr illustrate very well the similarities not only in their packaging, but also (loosely) in their styling.
My first glimpse of E&G Classics was from the 1970s RV shows I attended as a kid; back then, E&G seemed to be the biggest supplier of custom van accessories, including “bubble windows”, pop-up roof vents, and chrome do-dads for the grille and fenders. Nowadays their main products seems to be diamond-mesh grille replacements, but I did come across this 1950s-style “V” vent insert for your Escalade:
Sorry, E&G, this just doesn’t work, yet it somehow fits the Escalade ethos well.
Paul, this is hilarious as you have hit the nail on the head as usual!!! The color of this Caddy’s interior does remind me of the blue interior color his Taurus had. And the engine description is just about verbatim of his description of the “powerful” V6 he had in the Buick Skylark, it had me in stitches!
Iconic Canadian rock band Trooper put out a song that would describe this Cadillac well… a three dressed up as a nine.
I’d like to know what Dr. Niedermeyer’s alternate universe vanity plate said. 🙂
Paul’s dad doesn’t seem the type to waste money on a frivolity like a vanity plate.
Also, he never followed his son to Oregon from what we’ve heard so far.
Paul, this was a delight. Thanks for the laugh!
I saw a first-gen Thunderbird today and it had a continental kit. Frankly, even it couldn’t pull it off well enough for my liking, thus conclusively proving in my eyes that every single continental kit should be ripped from its respective car and burned in a big pit.
Hah! I know Dr. N*** quite well. He’s a legend among pinball enthusiasts/collectors/fixers/. The stories I could share here about him would get me permanently banned, so I won’t. I see him and his chihuahua in the Whit all the time.
I should have known. And is his title legitimate, or just honorary?
His van has PNBLDR license plates. It’s honorary but deserved.
I think if I were of Dr. N’s generation and stature I’d have been a Buick/Oldsmobile man. Or if I had been a Caddy buyer up until then, the FWD ’85s would’ve made me one.
I am, as the kids say, “triggered” 🙂
This mini Superfly deVille is really over the top – the padded landau roof is one thing…the awful Continental kit & fake luggage straps are another.
But you paint such a lovely word picture Paul – I’m sure the owners actual children had the same conversation…sans German…with the same amount of forehead rubbing, eye rolling, and sighing. Not even the Cadillac’s my Irish-American grandparents bought were THAT gaudy!
Did anyone else notice the needle on the front seat?
I didn’t want to bring up my father’s substance abuse issues in front of this large audience. Let’s just keep it to ourselves. 🙂
I don’t know, call me crazy!! I love a fully dressed Cadillac. I’ve had a few! I still have a 1988 Eldorado with the Top, grill and tire on the back. I just wish I had the trunk straps.
I graduated from college in 1986, opened my first store that June and bought a 1987 two tone silver snd grey Sedan Deville that fall. It had the continental kit, E & G grill, the entire gold package trim, leather interior and had a pedestal mount car phone inside. I absolutely loved that car and felt on top of the world when driving it. I am currently looking to find one in good shape and recreate that car to add to my collection.