(first posted 11/8/2018) Since I’m going to be having a colonoscopy while you’re reading and analyzing this, I assumed a colonnade would be an analogous subject for this morning. Sadly, they’re not exactly common on the streets anymore, but I did spot this one recently as I passed, abutting this building. And it’s a Cutlass, no less. Even the color is right. Just what the doctor ordered.
That’s not meant to be crass or an aspersion on this Cutlass sedan. But by 1977, these were a bit banal, given the new classy B-Bodies that had just come out. One would assume that any assured analysis between one of these and the B-Body would result in an assessment in favor of the B, with its greater stylistic assets. But then these colonnades were of course less expensive, a bit declasse, which probably explains the dog dishes on it. This is not likely a colonel’s former car; somebody was obviously a cheapass.
And it’s for sale. Here’s your chance to have a fecal-brown Colonnade, and 100% cancer-free. The scuttlebutt is that this price is chickenshit, given what a fine car it is. I’d buttonhole Jim as fast you can.
How many shades of brown are present and accounted for? But it’s nice and clean; someone did a fine job prepping it. No risk of catching tetanus here. No buttons in the vinyl, though; that would have required a higher class of trim. One of our former contributors might well have used the analogy “buttery”. I wouldn’t.
What is this thing colonizing the rear seat? “Street Hopper”? A probe of some sort? Upon closer examination, it appears to be some kind of portable speaker system, something to excite the tympanal organ with its assertive bass. Is it digital or analog? Does it come with the car, is it to be excised?
We’ve come to the best part: the Cutlass’ rear end. Of course, you may not be an ass-man, and have a rebuttal to my opinion. Frankly, I’m not really in the mood to over-analyze it tonight as I have more pressing things on my mind, like downing 64 128 ounces of my favorite lemon-flavored artisanal cocktail. Be assured; it’s not exactly going to be a bacchanalian orgy at the Niedermeyers’ tonight. And I’m going to have to pass on the Shitake-butterbean casserole Stephanie made.
But you can be assured that it won’t be a dull evening; things will be moving right along. It gives me butterflies of anticipation. And it won’t take psychoanalysis to discern my mood as I utilize John Crapper’s brilliant invention. Repeatedly.
I’m almost embarrassed to admit that writing about this colonnade—despite the repeated interruptions—has been a pleasant diversion; an analgesic, actually. It’s a treat when the words and analogies just flow, like effluent in a canal. But all good things must pass.
I lost count of the double entendres Paul, they were sprinkled about with such frequency! A massterpiece of wordplay. Thanks for the laugh.
x2! Very funny. That sure is CRACKpipe pricing.
Hey, that’s my driver’s ed car, though in Olds flavor not our Buick! Pretty forgettable, but easy to operate for a 15 year old…
Brilliant! LMAO! Very clever for a guy drunk on industrial strength ass-blow
Did someone sit on those eyeglasses on the front seat? But that certainly is a very nice, original, colonnade Cutlass sedan, down to the original steelies and hubcaps. Kind of weird how the front armrest is connected to the passenger seat rather than the driver’s seat, though.
The worst thing about a colonoscopy is the prep for it. It’s a fun-packed evening of drinking foul-tasting liquid and constant running to the toilet. The colonoscopy itself is a cake-walk.
“The colonoscopy itself is a cake-walk.”
I would go even further and say that with the medications they provide it is the most stress-free and relaxing day of my year. 😊
The drugs make it all worth it.
Yeah, I was going to mention how great it feels after it’s over. It’s easy to understand why there’s such a drug crisis in this country and, frankly, I could see it getting started for some individuals by the medications that are administered for a colonoscopy exam.
Had my first one this year. Was amazed at how fast I was knocked out, and how quickly I came to, with no wooziness. I’ve had general anesthetic and a spinal block plus whatever they feed you to keep you awake but out of it, and both were long affairs going in and out.
I had my third one since June on Monday. The procedures themselves are no big deal, the prep is hell, it’s just how much hell it is.
They found and removed a polyp during the first one, found a flat polyp on during the follow up one, and removed it on the third. I have to have a fourth one in 3 months or so to check to make sure the flat polyp is all gone. The prep has gotten worse with each one. The first one, the stuff wasn’t all that bad, to be honest about it. I can’t remember what it was called, but it was the powder in the jug you mix with water, then toss half of it(I don’t get the logic behind that at all). The “lemon lime” flavor was doubtful, but all in all, it wasn’t that bad. The second one I had to buy a bottle of magnesium citrate, drink it along with a bunch of water, and then have 2 enemas at the hospital before the procedure. Damn, I hate enemas! And then came the “Suprep”, the worst stuff to drink I’ve ever had. Kind of a blend of Robitussin, red Nyquil, and some salt. Yum! I used Canada Dry Ginger ale to mix with the first bottle, and it was tolerable. The morning of the procedure, I had to drink the second bottle, and I had a choice between more ginger ale, and a bottle of 7UP. I chose the 7UP. That was a mistake. A huge mistake. It amplified the disgust level of the stuff and I had a lot of problems getting it down at all, and keeping it down was pretty difficult. I was icky until I was in the OR, and I told them about it. A tiny shot of something, and it was totally gone. I had a great time as the drug was administered to put me to sleep and I woke up feeling pretty good. I hadn’t eaten anything for almost 40 hours and was really hungry, to put it mildly. I got out of the recovery room pretty quickly and had my usual (I don’t know why I always want fried fish after any dental, medical or surgical procedure) lunch of beer battered Cod with an order of onion rings and load of garlic mashed potatoes, washed down with about a quart of iced tea. If we hadn’t gone to that place, I would have gone to Red Lobster and had fried catfish, with an added 6 fried shrimp and a couple of baked potatoes with butter on the side. If I had been alone, I probably would have had Long John Silvers, the king of salty and greasy fish. The wanting fish thing goes back to at least when I was 7 years old and had my tonsils out. Ice cream? OK, but some Walleye would be better!
Having been through colonoscopy and biopsy procedures over the past few years, I’m here to give modern medicine a big ‘thumbs up’.
“Kind of weird how the front armrest is connected to the passenger seat rather than the driver’s seat, though.”
It’s not weird. That’s a 3-passenger bench seat. The fore-aft position of the driver seat is dictated by the length of the driver’s arms and legs. No reason to force the center seat to be in the same position, especially when the driver has short legs but the middle passenger has long ones.
A great article but it blew by, reminding me how all things must pass. But thank you for something that is flush-full of descriptors and was a blast to read.
The Olds looks great for being in fecal brown metallic although the right front fender could use a squirt of analgesic. Seeing colonies of Colonnades just doesn’t happen anymore. I hope it’s in good mechanical condition and the engine doesn’t have any blow-by and the gaskets have no seepage.
It’s now 2:08 AM your time; this was the exact time I woke up for one last convulsive and explosive time prior to my last colonoscopy. Never have I had cold sweats like that. Hope everything goes well in a few hours.
It certainly is in good shape. The color looks good on it and it is very clean. These are things the doctor may say to you and can also apply to the car. I always thought the square-lighted front ends of these look much better on the coupe. They just don’t match the round middle. The catfish-looking front of the earlier ones blend better to me. The quad lights to me say premium and the sedan middle says generic. That front in any combo with baby moons is just wrong. Rally wheels all the way. I was going to cram another double entendre in here but it came out like crap.
Good choice: eliminate the double-entendres, I say!
I wonder what the driver’s side looks like…
This model of Cutlass was the last one our church bought for the nuns. By 1985, two of them would have died off, and the other three had been reassigned. The one they had was dark blue, inside and out, but with the super cheapo Oldsmobile dog dishes, like this car. I remember seeing it around, but have no idea whatever happened to it.
A strippo seventies Cutlass sedan certainly seems like a perfect car for the clergy.
Nowadays, I guess it would be something on the order of a lowest-tier (fleet grade) Impala or maybe a Grand Caravan.
It does, in a way.
Our church always bought Oldsmobiles for the school, convent and the Monsignor. Usually the standard F-85 or Cutlass back in the day, although, when I was in school, the school had a Vista Cruiser for the nuns to use.
The Monsignor, as he was the head of a larger parish, usually got a bigger car. There was some consternation back in the mid-70’s when our Monsignor got an Olds Toronado. It p!ssed off some in the parish, but we came to find out he’d been left some money from his parents upon their passing and decided to buy a nice car for himself.
It was his, it did not belong to the parish. But then, people criticized him for buying what would be an ostentatious car for a priest…
Some days, you just can’t win…
Yes, I saw that rule put into play recently when a family member of one of the brothers donated a Volvo C-70 convertible from the early-mid 00s to my son’s Dominican community. Aside from the risk of expensive repairs there was something unseemly about a snazzy, expensive convertible being driven by the Dominican brothers. It really stood out from the Toyota Camrys (and the E-250 van) in the rest of the parking lot.
I suspect someone was more concerned with unloading the car for a tax deduction than trying to provide an appropriately useful vehicle for them. As I predicted, an expensive glitch soon appeared and off it went in trade for another Toyota.
Didn’t your son have a Mercury Grand Marquis for awhile before joining the priesthood?
Yes he did. We sold it about when he started his novitiate. I wrote about it’s final chapter in our lives here. https://www.curbsideclassic.com/blog/cc-follow-up/curbside-conclusion-1989-mercury-grand-marquis-thinning-the-panther-herd/
Looks like the Street Hopper is a portable bluetooth speaker system. The owner probably has it in the car to interface with a modern audio playback device. Probably cheaper than getting new audio components for the car.
The shiitake butter bean casserole sounds good! Can you share the recipe?
These were the base vehicle for the Robocop 6000 sux cars
Excelent classic movie!!!!
Classy Colonnade. The Olds sedans and wagons kept more of the original look than the coupes’ near-total 1975 reskin but the space under those fender flaps must’ve required careful wiping. At the car wash, I mean.
A while back I was in a recently-remodeled supermarket whose fancy new pharmacy had shelves within reach of the customer-pickup window where someone could grab something off the behind-the-counter shelf and run for it. They kept the pre-colonoscopy drink mix there, on the theory that the last thing anyone would want to steal is a gallon jug with packets of unkool-aid in it.
HA! – UnKool Aid!
Amen to that, brothers! 😉
+1 What a clever idea. 😀
I had a colo-rectal exam as part of my pre discharge physical exam when I got out of the service (and no pun intended), I thought the worst part was the procedure and knowing that someone was being EXTREMELY intimate with your nether regions.(Trying to keep this clean)
About the car featured here: I actually sort of like this example. Buick and Oldsmobile did a fairly good job styling these in both 2 door and 4 door versions. Though from some angles, with all the bulges and squared off edges, these cars look massive. Sitting next to a same year/brand new B body, these look like they might weigh nearly 1,000 pounds MORE than the B.
I had a 82 Pontiac J2000 with a blue interior, after a few years of Texas sun that blue was about as many different shades as the brown interior of this car. If this were mine I would want to change out that caramel colored steering wheel to break up the interior color(s?).
Not sure if I would pay $4500 for this, a lot would depend on the engine (couldn’t these be had with the Buick V6 as standard?), the mileage, and with me living in Florida it MUST have A/C.
I’m willing to bet this car is equipped with the 260 V8.
But it looks great! I’d take it!
I’d like to have a Fleet of these…
Perhaps, but it all Depends on the regularity of how they run.
Paul, how do can you tell this is a 77 and not a 76?
The rear end looks 76-ish to me…..
This car looks right out of late 70s Long Island, though not many had the base hub caps. Even the Oregon license plate colors..
Good luck with the procedure and the results.
The taillights are different.
The taillights on the ’76 cars are somewhat thinner and don’t really have a definitive chrome divider, instead having a raised ridge with the Oldsmobile ‘rocket’ in the middle.
The ’77 cars’ taillights are a little wider and have what looks like a nondescript chrome divider bezel (it’s really just a plastic chrome stamping on top of the red plastic lens that normally wears off over time).
I guess you could call this car a Colon-Aid?
I like these better every year. I can remember seeing no more than one or two with the little hubcaps over the years. I really like the clean looks on this one.
But ugh, those molded plastic lower door panels. I thought they looked nasty then and they have only gotten worse.
Oh, snap. I may never look at a brown Colonnade Cutlass the same way ever again. (Hope it goes well for you, Paul.)
Oh, am I gonna remember this Cutlass – and this highly-creative post – next time I have a colonoscopy.
I lost my dad to colon cancer 25 years ago and have been getting checked ever since. So relieved (there’s MY double-entendre!) when they come up clean.
Best to you Paul on yours!
Hope everything goes smoothly Paul.
A good friend’s sister, years ago, had the Chevy Malibu Classic version of this- chalky white with a disintegrating black interior. The most memorable occasion with that car is when she brought it over to my buddy’s house for him to change the oil. She hit the gas a tad too hard and launched it right off the flimsy metal ramps.
Good luck, Paul. I had my 3rd one a couple of months ago. That stuff you have to drink is almost, but not quite palatable. As for the car, it looks good outside, but those plastics inside look pretty crappy.
You are indeed the master. In a nostalgic way I kind of like the car too, although I’d never want it in my drive.
Now that I’m pulling away from 50 my doctor is threatening me with such things. For my father’s comment on the procedure he put on the accent of our former Prime Minister, Jean Chretien and said:
“Well, you knowwww, now I feel like I have lost my dig-ni-TEE!!”
I hope it’s uneventful.
I had my first colonoscopy 3 months ago. Prep was explosive to say the least. But the distended feeling afterwards was impressively uncomfortable.
Love the car. The Collinades were very stout cars. My friend in school had them and they held up under their teenage antics.
This 4 door varient looks good these days, with a contemporary perspective. Everything is 4 doors these days so this fits in. Back in the day the coupes looked better and these cars simply looked too awkward.
What a great analogue! Back in the early seventies the dollar was cheap and I remember seeing many Collonades (and Nova’s) in Holland. They were off course populair because of the Kojak TV series; the Buick that is. I still find them pleasing to the eye. Some coupe’s are still on the road here. Haven’t seen a sedan in ages …
I always feel a little sorry for old cars like this one. Looking at it and its clean condition it was clearly purchased by someone who was thrifty, but who took good care of the things they bought. So, it’s always had its oil changed and, no doubt, tires rotated, and lived in a garage snug and safe from the ravages of rain, sun, and snow. A sedentary life, but a good one getting waxed twice a year, need it or not.
Now, that careful and caring owner having most likely passed on, this poor Colonade has been thrown to the barbarians who despise it (almost as much as grumpy-for-good-reason Paul) and will abuse it accordingly until they can turn it into cash. This car hasn’t any appeal to collectors and will no doubt end its days on the streets.
It’s like ripping a Monk from his cloister and turning him into a Manhattan bicycle messenger at age 70.
Ah well, who ever told you life is fair?
Well said. I’ve noticed it seems a disproportionate number of original untouched older cars I see are pretty basic models. I think the same compulsion to be frugal in a car purchase compels some owners to care for them well.
I disagree….this car will find a happy home and put a smile on some one’s face as they remember driving one, or seeing one, or where they where in 1976-1984.
It’s decent price, parts are easy to find, and it was a “good’ one (if not, due to it’s mediocrity, it would have been junked 30 years ago).
Given the prices ‘classic’ old cars are commanding, this is also a bargain.
All CC’s are good–this is the best one in a while, thank you Paul!
All-original, daily-driver survivors like this one are really the meat of CC. If it had been a flashier coupe, the likelihood of it being modded with crap like an aftermarket steering wheel, dual exhausts, modern wheels/rubber, etc. would have been high.
But who would do stuff like that to a frumpy 4-door sedan? Even better is that this one has a minimum of options which makes it much easier to maintain and keep running in the long run.
I mean, there are zero rips in the original front seat and this car even looks to have its original driver’s door pull-strap intact. That’s usually one of the first things to come apart on a colonnade. And non-patina paint? This one’s a keeper
I remember when these were ubiquitous as I was growing up. The inevitability of time marching on means I’ve not seen one in quite some time. I dig this! The older I get the more I like basic models of older cars and that goes for dog-dish hubcaps as well. My favorite kind of hubcaps are dog-dishes. I have dog-dish hubcaps on my aging Ford would never switch them out for another style.
I sincerely hope this ’77 goes to a good home with a carport or garage. Daggers to anyone who would buy this and leave it to rot under a sappy tree or other non-car-friendly place.
Once I got done laughing at Paul’s prose (hope today goes as well as possible), two things jumped out at me about this Cutlass:
1) Perplexing equipment choices on American cars from this era. Base hubcaps–on a Supreme. The split front bench seat was extra cost, not standard. Passenger side rear view mirror is also unusual, but not the body-colored “sport” mirrors. And it looks like it has bumper guards on the rear bumper but not the front. Just plain odd.
2) Also odd are the myriad colors that the GM plastics fade to over time. It’s amazing to see how what was once meant to be a monochromatic interior turned into so many different shades on different component parts. Seems like these plastics were specified for a certain shelf life and not a day more.
Thanks to the a la carte nature of cars from this era, such oddball combos aren’t rare. My 72 Delta 88 convertible has almost every conceivable factory option, including front cornering lights. Despite this, the door locks, mirrors, and bench seat are all manual. Weird.
Yeah, non-remote sideview mirror(s), seatbelts black rather than colour-matched to the rest of the interior (or maybe they started out matched and this what we see here is their fade!), basic vinyl upholstery…just where is any of the deluxitude of a Supreme here?
As to the interior plastics, I think it more likely they were specced to a price (and not a sixty-fifth of a cent more). Not long ago I read the highlights of an annual auto supplier industry report in which suppliers rank automakers in terms of how good-to-awful they are as customers. Consensus was in general Japanese makers put heavy consideration into the service life of a component and its fellows, while American makers are concerned almost exclusively with price—and will demand price drops at time intervals no matter what.
My father had a ’77 CutSup (as they were called in the classified ads priced by the word) 4-door. 350/350, remote driver sideview mirror, A/C, vinyl roof, cloth interior, and no other options. Bought it used in ’80. It ran poorly and nobody seemed able to fix it, so he just lived with it. In retrospect I am quite sure it had a badly clogged catalytic converter.
Probably so about the clogged cat. My dad had a ’77 Cutlass S, 350/350, which had cloth seats and full wheelcovers, and a front clip that barely resembled this one. It had cruise and FM radio, very oddly equipped, actually.
The taillights were horizontally divided instead of vertical. He always said the ’77 would run the doors off my grandmother’s ’74 Salon, also 350/350. Not only was malaise bad for performance, but I think that luck of the draw meant a much wider spread of performance and durability.
Catalytic converters and carburetors were never a happy marriage. Non-feedback carburetors and GM’s halfassed bead-type converters made it an abusive one, and operation at 5,500 feet elevation made it a murderous one.
Is it just me, or somebody mixed up the rear end with the Ford LTD II’s?
Paul, all the best for your colonoscopy…and for you!
Paul, I hope all goes well. You might ask your doctor if you’re a candidate for a test called Cologuard, it’s much more pleasant than a colonoscopy (not invasive!).
My first car was a 76 Cutlass sedan. Identical profile, different grill and tail lights. Great car. Bought it for $400 in 1987 with 110,000 miles, got another reasonably trouble-free 50,000 out of it before it died due to my neglect.
Plus, I’ve got a colonscopy scheduled for tomorrow myself, of all things…
Why isn’t that swill called Colonade? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for reminding us that monochrome cars in dull metallic colors aren’t that recent a trend. Both the interior and exterior are only a few shades off from some of the most popular Prius color schemes.
Hehheh! I’ve had an colonoscopy and I’d much rather have a colonnade! They weren’t too bad for what they were, I like the ’75-77 models best. Back in the ’80s a friend had one of these, I think it was a ’76 Chevelle and it seemed to run forever with few problems.
Good luck to you Paul on your ass-venture!
We’re all rooting for you. 🙂
Drinking a whole gallon of diluted anti-freeze* is not my idea of fun, Paul. I did this at 50 or so, and now my doc wants me to go again! The procedure is just fine. It’s the preparation for it that is just gawd awful.
We’re all pulling for you Paul. Hopefully it’s good news all around.
* I know the active ingredient in “Colonaide” is Propylene Glycol, and not Ethylene Glycol, but the chemistry sounds close enough! I could not resist the automotive tie-in.
As to the car? Not much of a Colonnade (or Colonoscopy) fan.
There used to be an environmentally friendly, won’t kill your cats antifreeze called Sierra which was propylene glycol. I have not seen it for years. Dr Pepper also contains some.
Probably the Diet Dr Pepper, as it is really really sweet, despite not containing sugar.
Propylene glycol has been around forever. It used to be used as an artificial strawberry flavoring. You’d see it in soda pop and cookies, and cheap ice cream. Not quite as good at being an antifreeze, but won’t kill animals either. There is a 1975 Cutlass sedan in Madison, Wisconsin I saw on Craigslist for $1600. (Within the 200 mile range of Chicagoland) Looks okay for the price if it’s legit. It’s been up for awhile now. I don’t know how to cut and paste the web address on this tablet, and I’m too lazy to write it out. It has the googly-eyed front which goes well with the roundy middle. Kind of looks like me come to think of it. Paul, I’m glad everything turned out well on your exam. Next time take the meds!
Sierra is still a thing, but it’s not the world’s most interesting propylene glycol-based coolant; that would be Evans Waterless.
Many soda pops and other foods and beverages contain propylene glycol as a solvent, humectant, and/or preservative. It’s also a key ingredient in e-juice for those obnoxious (IMO) nicotine vapesticks.
Seems like an unintentional counterpoint to your CCCCC part 7 love letter to the Cutlass Sedan. Maybe that’s because I love it! Anyone have $4,500 I can borrow?
And good luck today!
I hope they ‘wash’ that Colonnade down well. You wouldn’t want any dirt on it or in it.
I understand that model of Olds had a rather flatulent exhaust note. I think if they blow it out the muffler it helps.
Just for fun, try a flexible cystoscopy some time. I can speak from personal experience on that one, and they don’t give you any valium either.
Colon cancer has visited my close family and friends all too often in the past, so best wishes with your test results.
Given your current status this car, with its vinyl seats, would actually be a good choice for making your medical appointment. I recall from our ’73 Malibu, with seats of the same material, that they wore quite well and were, more importantly, very easily cleaned and really stain resistant. I hope that the good doctor does not find anything that is not supposed to be in there.
Just had a very hearty lunch and a walk in the sun. Call me crazy, but I took the no-sedation option, as I did with my last one six years ago. And I had conveniently forgotten how painful that one was. It’s because i have a “tortured, floppy colon”. It was very difficult (and painful) getting around the corners. It’s actually not supposed to be painful for most people.
But everything he saw was clean, just like that Colonnade. But I’m going to do a Cologuard test next time. That prep made me quite ill last night, meaning that I worshiped the porcelain goddess on my knees before I did it sitting down.
In the spirit of compliance with issued directives: Paul, yer crazy.
Seriously—glad of a good result, but that sounds like all kinds of a festive couple of days. Hope your weekend makes up for it.
My first colonoscopy was the no sedation method, around 1988. I still have not forgotten how painful that was, I tried to distract myself by watching the monitor. When the second one was ordered four years ago, my doctor told me they don’t do it that way anymore, so I was knocked out for the procedure. Much better. Didn’t know the old way was still an option. I have another one due next year. Don’t think I’ll request no-sedation. I do the Cologuard test yearly.
The Malibu looks to be in good shape, doesn’t appear to have ever been rear ended.
Glad the outcome was okay and you’re up and around and feeling better.
Colonade and Colonoscopy: Been there and done it. Neither was a pleasant experience, especially when polyps got involved. Then there was the prostate exam and biopsy. Another unpleasant experience.
Nice stock Oldsmobile, but $4500 a bit steep perhaps?
Found a joke about proctology and cars:
Three guys are talking in a bar one day.
They start talking about how their cars reflect their careers.
The first guy says, “I’m a pimp and so I drive a cheap Escort.”
The second guy says, “I’m a herpetologist and so I drive a Dodge Viper.”
The third guy says, “I’m a proctologist, and I drive a brown Probe.”
This reminds me of a game we’d play in college when we took road trips in my roommate’s ‘85 Seville—the Anal Car game. Just add “anal” to the name of the cars you spot on the highway. Probe and Explorer were pretty high on the list, as you could imagine. And then, of course, at certain points we’d be a little slap-happy from all the driving and “Anal Sentra” would be the funniest damn thing ever.
LOL. Ah yes….the fun we had in college.
Also played a similar game when eating at Chinese restaurants. Add “in bed” at the end of a fortune cookie quotes.
I can imagine getting a cookie quote: “Your colonoscopy exam will turn out well…….in bed.”
Geez, Paul, what a shitty post! 🙂
Glad to hear that everything worked out though! Congrats on the clean bill of health.
Myself, I’d rather have a colonoscopy than a Colonnade. The colonoscopy only lasts a couple hours, but if you buy a Colonnade you could be afflicted for months or perhaps even years!
This car and a beige Cutlass I saw locally(Maumee Ohio, Illinois and Ford St) on Tuesday reminds me how much I hate the Colonade cars. The only one I didn’t outright hate was the Chevelle Laguna S3, which I just disliked. Sadly, I now like the Laguna S3 better than almost any new car, at least ones I can afford. ’73 and the introduction of the Colonades is IMHO, when GM went wrong in their styling, and with few exceptions, their trucks until recently, they still miss way more often than they hit now. The new Silverado/Sierra is a mess. .
I always thought the best looking colonnade was the ’73-’74 Buick Regal. Buick didn’t have an intermediate personal luxury car, so it looks like they received the best styling for their colonnade coupe. It’s at least on par with the Monte Carlo and Grand Prix.
But the rest of the colonnades were mostly lame, and got worse when the stacked rectangular headlights reared their ugly head.
Glad you got good news after the colonoscopy. I can’t envision having that procedure without sedation. The prep stuff doesn’t bother me, I don’t like it but I don’t have any trouble getting it down.
Looks like my driver’s ed car, tho it was a Buick. Had my 3rd colonoscopy in 5 years in August–what fun. Anesthetics have changed for the better in the 37 years since I had my wisdom teeth out! Buicks too?
Paul, what’s going on with the front passenger seat back? It looks like there’s some kind of molding with an ashtray. Was this odd, one-side treatment standard on the Cutlass (and other Colonnades?) or is the one on the driver’s side missing?
Either way, it really underscores what I’ve come to realize is too often the undercurrent of ’70’s designs: Surrender. The designers seemed to give up. My guess is most likely due to cost and staffing pressures, even more than regulations.
Looks like it might be aftermarket to me, but I’m not an expert.It’s not one-sided; it’s attached to the front center arm rest. Presumably it doesn’t swivel along with that arm rest, otherwise all the ashes will come falling out.
It looks original to my eyes, but I have no model specific knowledge to back it up. It looks like it faded to a different color, but it lines up with the 60/40 split of the “bench”. The bench has individual seatbacks, but a 60/40 split on the base of the seat and the faded plastic looks to be the supportive housing required to make the armrest work also as a seat back.
I think it’s original; a lot of cars with the split bench seats with the fold up armrest had a ashtray in back of the armrest base molding. I’m guessing the plastic faded with age.
I’m pretty sure it’s an original item; the ashtray itself is exactly the one that my dad’s ’77 Cutlass (w/unsplit bench front seat) had, just mounted differently.
When I worked at the GM plant in Fremont we built these dull four door cars as well the coupes. Malibu Classic and Buick Regal. I thought that they were a dull as dishwater. They were obviously more practical than their two door brothers. Did anyone notice that they have frameless door glass? That B pillar is a design feature that is similar to the Cadillac Fleetwood sedan. I think that the Olds is better looking than the Chevy and Buick versions. Paul, I’m glad you got a clear bill of health after your procedure. I’m also in my mid 60’s and these kind of discussions will become even more commonplace.
I think Paul would argue that the B-Pillar treatment is one of Bill Mitchell’s distinctive touches, and that it goes all the way back to his brilliant 1938 Cadillac 60 Special.
and the picture!
Thanks for the laugh and glad everything’s ok!
I knew this guy who knew this dude who knew some chick who had a brother who had a cousin that went to see the world-famous proctologist DR. BADFINGER for colonic “issues”. DR. BADFINGER conducted a *thorough* examination and determined the patient had 40 pounds of impacted ‘material’. Just like John Wayne! But the patient didn’t believe the doctor and yelled out “You’re fulla shit, Doc!” and the doctor replied “No, YOU ARE!”.
I enjoy telling stories that have no point. Cheers.
Any mention of shiitake mushrooms always reminds me of this BBC Catherine Tate sketch. ‘You don’t want that in your soup, do you…’ 🙂
I’m sure the engine in this car has enough passssing power if you give it the gassss 😀
How 3-box proportions have changed. Would 35 have ridden in a MKZ?….
Sorry, meant for the recent Lincoln Post!